Goosebumps #41: Bad Hare Day

Judging a Book by its Cover

Greetings Goosebumpers (is that what I should call my readers?) I know I've been pretty lacking in updates but it's Halloween and here I am, back again. Today I'll be talking about an entry from the classic Goosebumps Series, novel #41, Bad Hare Day.

First things first, I do love a pun title. This title is kind of like the inverse of My Hairiest Adventure, right? So that gets points right off the bat.

So once again Tim Jacobus knocks it out of the park with a great illustration. It has his trademark weird angles. The rabbit's embellished features like big ol' teeth and creepy eyes manage to make a pretty unscary creature pretty fearsome.

I do have a confession to make though. There are like, "magic essence" lines sort of wafting up from the hat right? At first I thought those were stink lines. Attack of the stinky rabbit doesn't have the same ring to it though.

So we learn a few things from this cover. There is presumably going to be some illusionist magic. A rabbit will be involved. And as the tagline fills us in, this rabbit will in fact not be the easter bunny.

Will there be an evil rabbit that saws kids in half? Will there be a robot rabbit that steals from fans at magic shows? Will there be an alien rabbit that invades a budding young magicians house? It's Goosebumps so anything is possible. Let's get in to it.

Getting Goosebumps

Tim Swanson's family is kind of a drag. Both of his parents are continually having the worst days of their lives due to work being a miserable slog. His younger sister Ginny takes karate for self defense... but uses it more for offense... specifically against Tim.

So what does Tim have to look forward to in his miserable life? His love of magic. Of course, it's still a work in progress. Trying to impress his friends with magic tricks doesn't go to well. Ginny the Karate Kid reveals that all his cards are the 3 of clubs, making picking the right card a real easy feat. He loses his audience, and an argument with his sister ends with a nice karate chop to the gut. Pretty embarrassing to get beat up by your younger sister.

At least his friend Foz is on his side. Together they check out the magic shop together for some new tricks. Of course, with only 5 bucks to his name Tim mostly browses. The quirky shop owner tricks them with a prop sword. Convincing kids they are witnessing a murder IS pretty hilarious. They get him back later using one of his prop guillotines to fake getting a hand chopped off. The owner is pretty embarrassed he falls for one of his own tricks. Knowing they have a true love of magic, he gives them free tickets to a show for the worlds greatest magician, and Tim's personal hero, Amaz-O. 

Foz is out right away, realizing instantly that his parents would never let him go to a show at 10pm on a school night. Tim is more hopefully. After all, magic is his passion and Amaz-O is his hero! Surely his parents will understand!

... No. They don't. Will Smith was right. Parents just don't understand. Undeterred, Tim decides to sneak out and attend the show at Midnight Mansion. Unfortunately for him Ginny hears him sneaking out and demands to tag along under threat of tattling.

Dodging cops upon their bikes, they make it there. A slick lie to the doorman assuring him their parents are just parking the car and they are in. Instantly Tim is enthralled.

The show is absolutely amazing. Doves fly out of his hat. Things levitate. All the magical things happen. Amaz-O is as amazing as his name suggests. Best of all is that Tim himself gets called up to assist in the last trick. He is going to disappear! Nervously he enters the box for the trick. He gets spun around. He gets sucked into the 5th dimension! Well no... he falls down a chute to the basement. So that's how the trick works. Now all he has to do is wait for Amaz-O to come down and get him and he can strike up a conversation with his hero...

Problem though. No one comes. He is alone down there. Also the door is locked. He yells for help. No help. Only one thing to do, bust open the door. He manages to, but still there is no one. He yells out and wanders around. How could everyone leave him?

Finally he finds Amaz-O's personal room. He eagerly comes inside, a little upset that the jerk left him alone down there, but still eager to meet his hero... Instead all he sees is Amaz-O's rabbit and hears the magician yell at him, call him a punk, tell him to get out of there.

Tim leaves in a huff and as a parting gift steals Amaz-O's personal trunk of tricks on the way out. He runs to his bike being followed by security, and runs into a miffed Ginny. Together they bike off into the night and manage to get home safe and sound.

His sister demands they share the trunk, again, under threat of tattling. She may not be the biggest magic fan, but a professional magicians props are too tempting a thing to let go. Tim agrees to share the trunk, and they will open it up together the next day. Then Tim IMMEDIATELY breaks his promise. What can he say, magic is too cool to wait.

The chest blows up as soon as he opens it. Except it is only an audio chip with an explosion sound. Still scares the crap out of a kid though. He tries out some of the tricks without really knowing what to do and only succeeds in letting loose a bunch of live snakes from Amaz-O's suit. Enough is enough, I've had it with these mother fucking snakes in this mother fucking suit! When he fully investigates them it turns out they are clockwork automatons. That must be HELLA complicated clockwork. Finally he gives it up for the evening.

The next morning Ginny immediately tries to confess, but their parents are too distracted by the hellscape that is adult life. She also knows that Tim broke the promise. The agree to check out the trunk together with Tim's friend Foz.

Foz is also faked out by the exploding trunk. Tim is eager to show off some tricks. He does the ball under a shell trick. Ginny guesses the ball right. How can that be? Tim palmed the ball. But then they realize there is a ball under EVERY shell. And there are more balls popping out from under the shells all the time! Quickly they stash it away, clearly this magic is too advanced. Next Tim inadvertently lets loose legions of doves. How the hell are they gonna clean all this up?

They escape to the outdoors, but Tim hasn't given up on the tricks yet. But why is there a carrot in there? Without any fucking hesitation Ginny bites the magic carrot. What kid in the world is so eager to eat a carrot? I don't believe you RL Stine. This carrot turns out to be some genuine magic too, because it turns his sister into a rabbit. Tim threatened to do this all the time, but now it actually happened! And it's going to be a big problem because if parent's don't understand kids going to see a magic show at 10 pm on a school night they sure as hell are not going to understand you turning your kid sister into a damn rabbit.

Tim finds a magic wand and tries it out. All it does is shoot out handkerchiefs. Pretty impressive, but not useful. They finally find a instruction paper but wouldn't ya just know, a convenient gust of wind blows it away and into a nearby stream. Shucks. There goes any hope of turning rabbit Ginny back to human. Aww well.

Well I guess there is one more thing to try. They have gotta go meet Amaz-O and confess to their crimes... and also get Ginny turned back to a human.

Back on their bikes, they return to the Midnight Mansion only to find it closed. They barge in anyway, and go to Amaz-O's room. There he sits, but he is outright ignoring him. Wait no, he's not ignoring them, he's asleep. Wait no, he's not asleep, he's dead! Wait no, he's not dead, he's.... a wooden puppet? How can that be? Is it a prop for his shows?

Either way his rabbit is still there. And Amaz-O's voice calls out calling them a bunch of punks that need to leave. Wait no, his rabbit is saying that.... wait no, the rabbit IS Amaz-O!

See Amaz-O has some backstory. He was a human once. The greatest magician in the world. Famous, popular, rich, and all that good stuff. He had a jealous hater named Frank. Frank was a genuine sorcerer. Real fucking magic. Problem is he had none of the success because he was kind of awkward. So what's a man to do? Turn the person you're jealous of into a rabbit apparently. And what is a rabbit magician to do? Go on continuing to do magic apparently... He just has a wooden puppet of what he used to look like because apparently no one would pay to see a magic rabbit? Wait no... everyone would pay shit tons to see a magic rabbit. So I guess I don't understand why you need the wooden puppet BUT NO MATTER.

This story resolves itself. The magic carrot has a time limit. In a scant half hour Ginny will be a human again. What a happy ending. And in the happiest ending, Amaz-O wants Tim to be in on his act.

There is a problem though. Tim thought he was going to be replacing the wooden puppet. Turns out instead he is replacing the rabbit... He does get plenty of lettuce though...

THE END

What I thought

One of R.L. Stine's strong suits can be putting forward some relatable childhood experiences. A lot of kids have definitely had a "magic tricks" phase. If you didn't, there is a good chance you went to school with someone you did. Maybe it was just a couple of simple card tricks. Maybe it was a full fledged prepackaged magic kit. As far as "hobby leads to trouble" plots go, I think this is more relatable than say, the ventriloquism in Night of the Living Dummy.

This also has the whole aspect of "your desires coming true in a horrible way." The monkey paw if you would. Tim wants to be able to do wonderful magic, but he cheats his way there and it overwhelms him. Tim also wants to turn his sister into a rabbit and I'll be damned but he does it, and immediately realizes there are real world consequences to it.

Parents in Stine books always disbelieve the kids, but in this book they outright ignore them due to the stresses of life. It's a different way to paint the characters that still results in the kids being all alone in their trouble. As an adult now, the parents are hell relatable.

I do have a problem with this book though. It resolves itself. Stine often comes up with really silly solutions to the problems in the books but here the solution is just to wait. They don't have to do ANYTHING to get Ginny back to being a human. They have no problems to figure out. They don't outsmart anyone. They don't even figure out the true identity of Amaz-O on their own really. He just outright tells them everything in an explanation dump, along with the fact that there problem won't be a problem in a half an hour. It sorta lets the steam out of the climax of this story. The twist of the magician being a rabbit is moderately interesting, as you would think the sister turning into the rabbit is the allusion of the "hare" in the title... but the fact that they didn't have to do anything to reveal it... Just feels like R.L. Stine sorta hit the right page count and needed to wrap things up.

When it comes down to it, I don't think the ending completely ruins the story. In some ways, any mix up of the Goosebumps formula kind of feels like a relief, but I still found it a little disappointing. The use of magic which is supposed to be an illusion but in fact real, maintains enough allure to save the story. What kid hasn't wondered in the back of their head if maybe that guy getting sawed in half was REALLY getting sawed in half?

This is a decent Goosebumps entry, just not top tier.

Rating: 3 rabbits out of 5

Up Next!

I am absolutely not promising to start updating way more often. I will, however, say that my goal is to update once more towards the end of the year. Could be late December. Could be early January. Or I could drop off the face of the earth and not update for another year. My goal is for that to not happen though.

So my tentative plan for that update will just be to do the next book in the series. I kind of want to at least close out all the original books sometime within my lifetime. So next up would be #42, Egg Monsters from Mars. Those are the scariest types of egg monsters in my humble opinion.

Anyway, thanks for reading this. It's fun to relive these silly books with people who have memories of them, however vague those memories may be. I am actually pretty surprised that every so often I get comments from people I don't actually know. I am glad some people get some fun out of this besides myself.

Until next time Goosebumpers! (ok I am rethinking calling my readers that.) 

Goosebumps #39 - How I Got My Shrunken Head

Judging a Book by its Cover

Alright so I said I'd have a new review out by February... and it's March.... but not very late into March so I think I'm doing good!

We are back on track with the next entry in the original Goosebumps series. It's #39 How I Got My Shrunken Head. As expected the head in question looks pretty creepy. I think generally in a shrunken head the eyes are sewn shut... since eyes tend to rot away. I'm guessing this one is super natural though? Also its skin is green. Skin usually doesn't turn green. Maybe it's a goblin head. Looks like one to me...

There are some nice details in the illustration. There is a pair of chucks that often grace Goosebumps covers. There is also a "University" pennant. Most people cheer for a specific university but this kid just loves secondary education in general. I also want to know who has purple and blue tiles in their room. Weird color scheme dude.

The tagline give us so head related word play. "Heads up!" says the front illustration. I wonder if the fact that this tagline is next to a baseball glove and ball is coincidental or planned. My guess is a happy accident. Thinking they thought that out seems like giving them too much credit. The back HILARIOUSLY states that "two heads are better than one." I might have to disagree in this case. No preserved human remains for me thanks.

Anyway, it's been awhile. lets see if I remember how to write a a synopsis and review.

Getting Goosebumps

Mark really likes the video game Jungle King. You swing from vines, collect shrunken heads, and avoid quicksand. What an adventure. Incidentally there was a real video game named Jungle King, where you do in fact swing from vines but very little else matches up with R.L. Stine's description. Incidentally that game had to rename itself Jungle Hunt after it got sued by the people who owned the rights to Tarzan. No joke. Anyway, what was I saying again? Oh yeah, kid likes jungle adventure video games. Kid even made up his own jungle cry, "kah-lee-ah!" Kids are weird. So Weird.

So by total coincidence after collecting shrunken heads in the game, one shows up at his doorstep. Not by itself though, it was carried by a woman named Carolyn who apparently knows his Aunt Benna. Aunt Benna it seems is off on a jungle island studying. The shrunken head is a gift, because what kid doesn't like playing with parts of corpses?

Well that shrunken head does some weird stuff. And some of it is his sister playing pranks, but some of it is harder to explain... like at night it started glowing... and grinning! Still it could be his sister pranking, little sisters are so jealous of gross human heads. She even scratched the darn thing in a spat!

So it turns out that Carolyn was sent by Aunt Benna to bring her nephew Mark to visit her in the jungle. Well the word of a stranger with absolutely no warning from the Aunt is good enough for mom, so Mark packs his bags and is off to dangerous parts unknown with a woman they've never met carrying a disembodied human head through the airport. Sounds like everything here is in order. Next stop, the jungles of Baladora.

Once there instead of meeting his Aunt whom he has not seen since he was quite young, he instead gets introduced to a Dr. Hawlings and his daughter Kareen. Benna, it seems, is missing. That is the reason Mark had to come. They didn't contact police, military, rescue crews, the government, trackers, no.... they contacted a 12 year old boy. How can Mark be of any use what so ever? Well it's simple, Mark has the JUNGLE MAGIC. Yup, that's gonna be the plot of this book I guess. Jungle magic. The Oloyan people of the island had the magic. They were headshrinkers, hence the head in Marks possession. Mark too possess the magic only he is... skeptical. I can't imagine why!

Mark uses some of that good common sense Goosebumps protagonists have and decides to explore the jungle a little bit at night. He comes across a seriously creepy pile of heads. Not cool. He retreats pretty quickly and searches headquarters for a flashlight. Instead he finds Aunt Benna's notes. Turns out ol' Benna is hiding on purpose because Dr. Hawlings and co. are EVIL. They want the jungle magic for their own evil purposes. But come on now, what is the jungle magic of a race of ancient headshrinkers for if not for evil? Anyway to keep things safe she gave Mark the magic years ago, and kept he safe 4000 miles away from the island. Sure would be a shame if he showed up at the island for some reason... oh damn!

Kareen interrupts things. She believes in Marks jungle magic and despite being Dr. Hawlings spawn convinces Mark she truly cares about his aunt. She helps him escape to the jungle, alone... which is a great place for a 12 year old city boy to be. No joke, the dude passes out and gets covered by huge angry ants. Way to go Mark, your aunt is going to die because you are inept.

In desperation he shouts "Kah-lee-ah!" that stupid jungle cry he used in the video game. Turns out that is a plot point too. His jungle cry. It saves his ass somehow. Next his dumb ass falls into quicksand. He never saw the Mythbusters where they proved you don't drown in quicksand so he panics. His little shout won't help him because he dropped the shrunken head, which is part of the jungle magic. Then he thumps the head his way and grabs on to it. His shout works and summons vines to the rescue. But where is his aunt? Well lucky for him that his shrunken head works as a Benna seeking compass.

Next our dude gets attacked by an angry momma tiger. Never fear though because a literal hole rips in the earth to protect him. Course now he is stuck in a hole. Out of the frying pan into the fire. He can't figure out a way to get out of this one. What do you do when jungle magic fails you? Count on Kareen.

The duo walks in a Benna-ward direction while Kareen tries to convince Mark her dad isn't so evil. Then they find Benna and then Kareen tries to convince the old woman of her dad's not evilness too. Then Kareen pulls a total heel turn and reveals that she is totally evil herself, and had been helping her dad find Aunt Benna. Kareen tries to justify it by saying kids gotta help their parents even if they are evil.

Aunt and Nephew get put in a shack til they reveal their jungle magic. Luckily the shrunken head didn't get confiscated. They have one last shot to use the jungle magic to save their asses. I am getting really tired of typing the words "jungle magic" by the way.

They get one last chance to spill the secret or they are gonna get their heads shrunken, shrinked? shrank? shrunk? Their heads are gonna get smaller. The plan to save their asses goes awry when the head gets swatted away into a pile of heads. How can he tell which one is the right one? Oh right, his dumb sister scratched up his, that's how! Hey lookit those details coming back into play.

With the right had and a fierce "kah-lee-ah" the head shrinkers become the shrinkees, except not just their heads shrink but their whole bodies. Odd. Anyway as tiny Stuart Little sized people they are powerless and Benna is free to return to civilization with her nephew. She does the responsible thing and takes back the jungle magic she gave him years ago, but he can keep the shrunken head.... hey did that thing start talking?

My Thoughts

Fundamentally this is the kind of Goosebumps book I should like. There tend to be "location" books, where kids go on an adventure far from the normalcy of home. The Mummy books were a good example of this, exploring ancient pyramids and tombs. Likewise, this explores a jungle. of course it's not a very realistic jungle. It is a jungle right out of old timey adventure movies I bet RL Stine grew up watching. If Tarzan swung by on a rope it wouldn't be out of place.

If this is the kind of Goosebumps book I should like, then why didn't it? I think "jungle magic" had a big part to do with it. Stine loves to put really dumb plot points like this in. I mean, there is probably a really cool way to reveal a magic of the island. Shouting "kah-lee-ah" and calling it "jungle magic" is not really that way. More than just a magical device, it kind of serves as a means to just magically solve any problem by shouting some words. It's a nifty little Swiss army tool for making sure the protagonist can get out of anything.

Sometimes Stine just really drops the ball on things too. It's a book called how I got my shrunken head. It's all about shrunken heads. So when Mark defeats the enemy what does he do? He shrinks their heads them entirely. Whhhhhy? It doesn't make any sense.

Plus he doesn't really flesh things out. For example, why does Dr. Hawlings want the jungle magic? Like, ok... yes he wants to strip mine the area.... why does he need jungle magic for that? Trust me, standard industry has been doing a great job of ripping apart the jungle for raw materials without any need for magic. All you need is bulldozers and chainsaws. Easy peasy.

So lets go over what is scary/creepy. Shrunken heads are creepy. Thing is, I don't know if they go far enough to really convey how creepy that are. Real ones are ACTUAL HUMAN FLESH. Like a real person got murdered and their skin got preserved. It's creepy as fuck! And it's a real actual thing too. Of course probably 80% of so called shrunken heads in collections are thought to be fakes. To be honest if I had a shrunken head I'd be revealed to found out it is a fake.

The other scares are largely "real" scares. Jungle mayhem. Vicious tigers, swarming aunts, fictional deadly quicksand. To me these are largely the more interesting scares of the story. A shrunken head is just gross, a tiger will maul you to death. It could have used a snake squeezing the life of him though. That would be my suggestion.

I think perhaps one of the big reasons I didn't enjoy this is the same reason I didn't enjoy many of these books on the reread. I'm thinking with my adult brain not my child brain. Still, adult brain me wonders if even child brain would think shouting "kah-lee-ah" is pretty dumb.

At the end of the day I guess this book just isn't that memorable to stand out in the field of the near 40 other original series Goosebumps books that were out at this time. If you like the jungle setting it my sit well with you, but otherwise it doesn't have much else to offer.

Rating: 2 out of 5 shrunken heads

Up Next

Ideally I'll have my next review up April 1st. It won't be a Goosebumps book, or even by R.L. Stine, but it's from a series I've wanted to review for awhile now. Excuse me for these little deviations! I think it'll be a fun one though. Until then, thanks for reading.

Goosebumps #38: The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena

Judging a Book by its Cover

My, my, my it has been a long time hasn't it? Sorry for, you know, completely abandoning this blog for almost a year. I'm back though, so let's get to it.

The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena. Clearly snowmen are not supposed to be in California. You know the only reason I knew about Pasadena existing before this book was the Jan and Dean song Little Old Lady From Pasadena. I guess these are their 2 claims to fame?

So the Snowman is clearly out of his element amongst the palm trees and one wonders where the snow he is covered with is from. You know I always thought Abominable Snowmen were white furred and that is what distinguishes them from their Bigfoot/Sasquatch brethren. Maybe I'm wrong though. This brute is very top heavy. It looks like he skips leg day at the gym but his upper body strength is a site to behold. Just look at that street light! Also he is knocking over a mailbox which I am pretty sure is a federal crime. Not cool buddy, not cool.

You know what is cool though? Finally writing a review for a dang Goosebumps book again. Let's get on with it.

Getting Goosebumps

This time around our protagonists are the brother sister team of Jordan and Nicole Blake. Their dad is a photographer who just got back from the Grand Tetons where there was SNOW. Jordan and Nicole are mad jealous because, having never seen snow before, they don't know that it's actually terrible. Dad is developing his photos of the grizzlies. You see developing photos is what old people used to have to do before digital cameras were invented. You had to actually WAIT to see what the picture you took looked like. Crazy, I know. And for some reason all his photos of the grizzlies look like... teddy bears? That rascally Jordan pranked him. There has always gotta be a prankster in this books, always.

Speaking of pranking, in the next chapter the neighborhood bullies unscrewed the Blakes' bike handlebars and put them on backwards. That and a thorough Super Soaking (tm) really got the better of the duo. The grand finale was a rock smashing that turned out to be a movie prop. Surely these villains will never get their comeuppance later on!

Anyway dad gets great news that he gets to go shoot some photos in Alaska for a magazine. The normal babysitter is occupied so the kids get to tag along on a professional photo shoot in the wilderness. What could go wrong? The publication wants shots of a supposed Abominable Snowman but dad is skeptical and is fine just getting shots of the tundra. Booooring.

Cut to the flight in to Alaska. It is a mighty small town they land in and they meet their guide Arthur. He is a true believer of the Snowman and tells tales of people gone missing. He is not real fond of the idea of kids being brought along. Can't say I blame him.

As if to immediately confirm Arthur's feelings about the kids, 2 miles in to their 10 mile trek the siblings are horsing around and one of them falls into a crevice. Damn kids. They stop for the night after arriving late at an old musher's cabin. Not too late for Jordan to plant some fake Snowman tracks though. Dad and Arthur fall for it hard. The old guide flips out. I guess it's a reasonable response if you think something that's been eating all your friends is nearby. Count this as a prank that didn't land very well.

Next morning the sled dogs are scared of something. This makes Arthur doubly scared. Mr. Blake concedes and they head back to the cabin. Later on the dogs get spooked again. That night the kids sneak out of the cabin because they can't sleep and they spot Arthur abandoning them to be eaten by the yeti. Dick movie Arthur. Dick move.

The kids chase him because they are idiots and of course they get lost. They fall into another crevice, scream for help, cause an avalanche, stumble into a strange room, and then find the Abominable freakin' Snowman. He is big, he is scary, and he is... frozen in ice? That seems to be the case, even though fresh footprints lead right to the ice cube. Odd

Can ice stop a snow beast though? No it cannot. The ice cracks and he chases the kids, savagely attacking them, tearing them limb from limb and devouring the corpses... oh wait no, he opens their backpack and steals their trail mix. This is the fearsome monster that made Arthur almost piss his pants?

Once the snacks are gone the monster carries the children outside only to be scared away by dogs. The dropped kids return to the cabin and tell their father about the beast. He has the reaction any good father would have, demanding the small vulnerable children lead him to the huge unstoppable monster. They do it because they are kisd and they are idiots.When they get their the Snowman is back in his ice cube. Father of the year ignores his frightened children's please to leave the beast alone, and instead he decides to take the Abominable Snowmansicle back home to Pasadena. Jordan sneaks some snowballs in the trunk they lock the monster in. Wait a second, how fucking big was the trunk Mr. Blake took anyway? It can fit a whole damn yeti inside? Jesus! Anyway, no life or death situation is so serious you can't pack away some snowballs to throw at your childhood bully.

Back home in Pasadena the kids who couldn't wait to see snow are relieved to be back in the sunshine. Dad has to leave for business and warns the kids to leave the yeti trunk alone. Sound advice. Their friend starts hassling them about the trip and the Blakes quickly spill the beans about the Snowman. Their friend is reasonable skeptical and needs some hard evidence. Immediately they do the one thing their dad told them not to do. But hey, when you got a frozen yeti you gotta show it off.

Of course the yeti isn't the only thing in there. They sneak the snowballs out and throw them at their awestruck friend, missing instead hitting a tree. That detail is notable because the snow on the tree starts to spread instead of melt. In 100 degree weather the snow covers the tree and spreads  to the ground. The friend is thrilled to see the snow in Pasadena, because (and I've said this about many characters before) SHE'S AN IDIOT. The Blakes are rightfully concerned. The friend becomes more concerned when she lobs a magic snowball at Nicole and the girl freezes solid.

Trying to thaw her out in front of the oven didn't work. A reasonable solution though. The furnace is a no go too. Then a.... uhh... genius solution comes to Jordan's mind. He'll bribe the yeti with trail mix to warm her up. I fail to see how this could go wrong, so lets do this thing. After taking a bit of time to thaw out, the yeti indeed delights at trail mix. At first he seems to maul the frozen sister but he does indeed thaw her out. Wait... that plan fucking WORKED? You gotta be kidding me! The Snowman even goes outside and rolls around in the new magic snow to get it to dissipate. Then the beast takes his leave. They assume he will travel to the chilly mountain tops, but really it's out of their hands.

There is really one thing left to do. There are 2 of those magic snowballs left, and no yeti to dispose of them. They do the only logical thing and bury them in an empty lot.

Dad is understandable bummed that the Abominable Snowman escaped but takes solace in the fact that his kids weren't terribly mauled. At least he has always got the photos he took. I wonder how those turned out? Well all the pics of tundra and elk turned out fine... but every one he took of the Snowman just shows snow and nothing more. Guess he won't be making his millions.

And that is the end of that.

Oh wait, one of the bullies dug up the magic snowball and threw it at the other bully.

THE END.

My Thoughts

Ok surely I could nitpick this book to death. It is formulaic in the way all Goosebumps are. There are silly solutions to monstrous problems. The trail mix being the key to salvation was ridiculous. There are at times desperate leaps of logic. These are things that seem to commonly plague the series.

There is one major thing I thought could be changed about this book though. The book is called The Abominable Snowman of PASADENA and it is only in Pasadena for like 2 chapters. It is somewhat interesting seeing the kids out of their element in Alaska, and certainly the isolation and wildness of the area makes it quite a great setting for a horror book... but that diminishes the interesting aspect of the "fish out of water" Yeti being in California. To me this book fails to deliver on the premise of its title.

I would like to pitch an altered plot to this book. The kids are at home sweltering away in sunny Pasadena with a broken AC while their dad is out having a wild adventure in Alaska. They receive a cryptic postcard in the mail about some mind blowing discovery. Their father returns soon but is acting strange. It turns out he is the sole discoverer of the world's first yeti, frozen in ice. He spends all his time in his dark room studying it, to the neglect of his children. Oddly, the usually balmy California weather in July starts to plummet. Can you believe that after only a week the temperature is below freezing at night? What ever happened to global warming? One morning the kids discover snow covering the ground outside as far as the eyes can see. And... are those giant footprints in the backyard? It turns out the yeti is on the loose. Their father sheepishly admits he was overcome with the strangest desire and knowledge to free the beast. You see, it is more than just a savage animal that time forgot, it is an arcane beast who brings the tundra with him wherever he dwells, with a thirst to finally be free upon the world again. Only the Blake family know the truth about the frigid weather in the city, and only Mr. Blake with his kids by his side can undo the horror he has unleashed upon Pasadena.

Why is RL Stine a millionaire and I'm just writing shitty blog posts? Life ain't fair! Still though, the book isn't like, absolutely terrible. It's basically on par with your average Goosebumps book. It doesn't hurt to believe it could have been so much more though.

Rating: 2 Yetis out of 5

Up Next

I really intend to write another blog post before the end of the year. At the very least, however, I promise to right another one before next October.

My lovely friends sent me some birthday gifts this summer. One is this awesome Haunted Mask blanket pictured above. Another is the RL Stine book Red Rain. It is a horror book he wrote for adults rather than children. I don't expect to do a full big post about it with a lengthy synopsis and everything, but I do expect to at least drop some brief thoughts and perhaps let you know if it's worth picking up.

Beyond that, I still have a giant pile of Goosebumps to read. I'll try and get to them as soon as I can. thanks for reading and happy Halloween!

The Chalk Closet - 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps #21

We are now on the home stretch. We are on the 3rd book of the 3 book collection of 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps. This section is called, of course, Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps. The first story, which I'll be covering today, is called "The Chalk Closet." I don't know what is scary about chalk or a closet where presumably you keep chalk but I guess I'm about to find out.

Travis is a bit of a slacker and as a result winds up at summer school. It's no fun for a lot of reasons: the place is run down, most of his friends aren't there, but the biggest reason is probably the teacher Mr. Grimsly. He is a no nonsense dude. You screw up, and he'll send you to the chalk closet. At first this doesn't seem like much of a punishment. Then, each kid who gets sent there never seems to come back. It was just one or two kids... but then more and more were disappearing. Are they getting kicked out of school or is something more sinister happening?

Travis begins to worry. He tries calling up classmates who have disappeared but there is no response. He has a math test he has to get an A on or he'll wind up in the chalk closet too. He tries his best to study, he really does. Then the test rolls around and the teacher announces everyone's grades to the class. He goes down the list, a bunch of A's for all the students... but then Travis. D. It's the chalk closet for him. He considers fleeing but Mr. Grimsley reads his mind, announcing that the doors are locked. There is no escape. He is shut inside the chalk closet all alone... or is he? He sees the familiar faces of his missing classmates, along with many more he doesn't recognize. They are ghastly visages with their hands up over there ears. Travis wonders why then hears the sound. The chalk screeching across a chalkboard. The sound he'll hear for the rest of eternity.

My Thoughts

I am going to venture a guess. I think R.L. Stine thought screeching chalk on a chalkboard for eternity would be a funny punishment to dole out to some kid, and then engineered a story to make it happen. Do I think he was successful? Well not entirely.

Firstly I think there are some things missing. Perhaps due to short story format, perhaps due to laziness, I dunno. I feel like the protagonist needed to show some more resistance to what was happening. He needed to tell his parents, or tell the principle, or something. Then you can have the "I don't believe you" or even more sinister the "I'm in on it too" Imagine if the whole system was designed to trap kids for eternity. Spooky. The kids all just seem resigned to their fate. Usually there is at least some attempt to figure out what's going on or avoid the problem. Yes he does call the missing kids, but that's it. It's like the bare minimum he could do. I don't know, maybe I'm asking too much.

So what does work? Well the idea of your classmates being marched off one by one and then disappearing forever is kind of creepy. Because it's summer school it is a familiar enough environment because you are used to school, but ever so slightly out of your element. Things are just different enough to feel "off" already. Summer School is a big enough bummer already. But then you add a punishment which already sucks, and make that punishment be eternal? Scary yo.

I would consider this a "middle tier" short story from this collection. I don't think it stands out the most, but it is also not utterly terrible. I kinda wonder if kids nowadays even know what chalkboard screeching sounds like. They all use whiteboards and digital shit now don't they? Perhaps you'll have to demonstrate the sound when you read this to your kids...

Rating: 3 agonizing sounds out of 5

As per usual I'll be posting another short story review tomorrow in this month of Goosebumps. Tomorrow will be "Home Sweet Home," a story whose title doesn't sound particularly spooky. Check back then and see if maybe R.L. Stine stuck a nice wholesome tale in this book by mistake.

Strangers in the Woods - 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps #4

Time for the 4th Tale To Give You Goosebumps, "Strangers In the Woods." Be sure to check back each day in October for a new short story review. Anyway, here we go.

Lucy is dismayed to be going to her her Great Aunt Abigail's house in small farm town Fairview. Her dog Muttster seems to be dismayed too, because he is acting weird and won't get out of the car. Out of the car he does no better, barking up a storm at Great Aunt Abigail.

That night, something weird happened. Strange moving lights in the sky. Not stars, not planes. What could it be? Next morning Aunt Abigail doesn't seem to know anything about them.

Speaking of Aunt Abby, things seem to be odd with her. Her cooking tastes strange. She keeps changing the subject from the lights. Her driving is erratic. Could these be signs that something is wrong? Or is she just an old lady with dementia?  Muttster the dog keeps barking at her. Does he hate old people?

And the lights. The lights keep coming back each night. Alien spaceships? It's the only logical explanation! Suspicion confirmed when she overhears her aunt talking to someone about how her niece Lucy doesn't know anything, and won't until it is all over." She could ONLY be talking about an alien invasion. How does Lucy know? Because Great Aunt Abigail's face is GREEN!

Lucy has to find out what is going on for herself. She goes out into the woods she has been forbidden from wandering out into. The lights are there. Odd sounds, strange voices, lights blinding her, she has walked right into... a movie set? Yes, a movie set, and she ruined their damn shot too. Damn kids! There are dogs on set a movie person is using a dog whistle to handle them. Is that why Muttster has been barking?

Finally Aunt Abigail comes to find her niece. She even adds to the explanation that everything is normal by explaining her green face comes from a beauty facial mask. Also she lost her glasses and would rather endanger the lives of herself and her niece than admit she lost them.

Time to wrap this story up in a nice little bow. They have some hot chocolate before bed and laugh over the misunderstanding. Lucy even finds her Aunt's glasses while looking for a spare blanket. She goes to give them to Aunt Abigail and notices the aunt has green skin again. Also tentacles. Plus three lips and a blue tongue. She is awfully glad to get her glasses though!

My Thoughts

This has a lot in common with the last short story. A kid convinced something is wrong with a family member only to discover that things are actually fine only to at last to discover NO REALLY THEY ARE WRONG AFTER ALL. This seems like another story playing a bit more for humor than for scares. That is fine though, if we are being honest Goosebumps has seldom been very scary.

This also of course has a lot of things in common with various other Goosebumps books. The beginning where she has to spend her summer vacation with a strange great aunt and she really doesn't want to is basically the opening premise to Monster Blood and probably several others I can't think of right now. The end reveal is not unlike other Goosebumps finishes as well.

It would be nice if Stine used the short story format to play around with Goosebumps and try something different. This seems very much "the same," as so many other things. Once again he seems to be writing towards a jokey payoff twist that is predictable. 

Proper full length Goosebumps books can get to feel awfully samey and predictable after reading 30 of them in a row. I am worried reading 30 Goosebumps short stories is going to feel that way even more so if I can already see the patterns forming after story 4. I am eager to see something fresh, and this isn't it.

Rating: 2 out of 5 of Great Aunt Abigail's alien tentacles

Check back tomorrow for the Goosebumps short story "Good Friends." What can be more terrifying than friendship?!?!

The House of No Return - 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps #1

It's October 1st, and if you didn't see my post yesterday you might not know what is going on. Each day in October I'm reviewing a different short story in the Goosebumps collection 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps. Today's story is "The House of No Return."

Meet Robbie, Nathan, and Lori. They are members of the prestigious Danger Club, for those who love the dangerous lifestyle. Of course a club of 3 people isn't really much of a club. That is why they are recruiting. So how do you join? Well, to prove you live the danger lifestyle you must spend the an hour at night in an old abandoned house alone. A house that is rumored to be HAUNTED. How scary is it? Well potential Danger Club member Doug could only last about 10 minutes before he ran screaming from the house!

On to the next victim potential member. Enter Chris Wakely. He's pretty new to school and hasn't made a lot of friends yet. Surely he would be eager to join the Danger Club. Just one problem, he is a huge coward. He even openly admits it.

This calls for a plan! A dastardly plan. The club conspires to take Chris trick or treating with them on Halloween. Unfortunately it is more trick than treat. They take him to the haunted house and shut him in there. Of course they are fully convinced he'll love the experience and be a happy member of their club at the end. I am not sure what about Chris's begging and pleading gave them that idea.

Here is the thing though, he actually lasts the hour... but then more time passes by and he still doesn't come out. The Danger Club try to go in and get him to congratulate him but the door won't budge.

Never fear, they can go in through the back door. Of course, none of the Danger Club has ever been inside. See since they were the founders they already know THEY were brave so what would be the point. Nerves tense, they finally open the back door.

They call out for Chris to no avail. The door slams behind them. Strange lights appear at the top of the stairs and come closer. This house IS haunted, and two ghosts greet them. Where is Chris? The ghosts have an answer. He left out the back door awhile ago. They didn't want to let him go, but he promised them that 3 more kids would come in and take his place. Now they have. The Danger Club will get to stay in the house... FOREVER!

My Thoughts

This is my first ever Tales to Give You Goosebumps story. I was not quite sure what his short stories would be like. How similar would they be compared to a full length story?

The fact is, naturally it is pretty similar. I mean I guess it would be silly for these books to be absolutely different. The tone is very much the same as your standard book. It's still got the tween kids who love pranks and stuff. R.L. Stine's narrative voice seems intact as always.

There are some differences though. A lot less fake out scares for one thing. Without chapters, there is no need for the "chapter cliffhanger" where some doom is impending only to turn out to be nothing. It also lets them keep the surprise terror for the very end, since there are only like a dozen pages to read through. It makes a "punchline" ending like this one work effectively.

The House of No Return starts off the book well. The Danger Club establishes a love for horror, and the Halloween antics make it an ideal story to read this month. Haunted House stories are classic and while this doesn't break a lot of fresh ground as a story it is pretty fun. The ending did actually make me chuckle. It might even be enough to make a young 9 year old think twice before ringing the doorbell and that creepy house in the neighborhood this October 31st.

Rating: 4 out of 5 ghosts

Now be sure to check back tomorrow for Tale to Give You Goosebumps #2 "Teacher's Pet"

30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps - Introduction

It's October which is as we all know the spookiest month of the year. I have something ambitious planned for it as well. Every day in October a new update on this blog! But seriously I can't review a whole book each day when I normally crap one out every 3 or 4 months? No, I can't!

What I'm doing is doing a short story each day. You see back during the original run of Goosebumps he would release about one book a year called Tales to Give You Goosebumps, or, More Tales to Give You Goosebumps, and so on. Each of this had 10 short stories instead of the regular one full one. The first 3 of these books were conveniently collected in a nice hardcover pictured above titled appropriately 30 Tales To Give You Goosebumps. That's one for each day in October plus this nice intro I'm writing.

So what is my history with these books? I never even read them! I knew they were out when I was a kid. I saw them on the shelf at the Scholastic Book Fair in school. I even recall them coming in editions packed with a Goosebumps reading light! I remember considering purchasing them. Why did I never pull the trigger on that idea? I guess ultimately the idea of one "long" story interested me more than several short ones.

What are these stories like? Are they just mini Goosebumps rushed along? Or does he get the chance to play with the format a little? Did R.L. Stine even write these? It's debatable! You see, while he was churning out at least a book a month in his prime he was under contract to not use ghost writers in his Goosebumps book. He claims to not use them, and I wont argue with that. But apparently these "Tales" books didn't count on this contract, so allegedly he was allowed to bring other people in. Did he? Well so far only one author has come forward to claim authorship of one of the stories (in the 4th book, one not included in this hardcover.) It is, however, entirely possible some of these stories were ghost written too.

Anyway. I usually begin a review with a short little bit about the cover art. The picture above is my copy of the hardcover collection. It's cover is based on the original Tales to Give You Goosebumps softcover book:

The cover features the ghastly visage of Curly the Skeleton. If you don't know Curly he was kind of a hip mascot for the series. Since each book was a different unrelated story, they didn't have something to tie them all together. How do you try to throw that into marketing? Hip mascot! Since these books were compilation it was prime time to let Curly shine.

The art is well done if a little unmemorable. It is really your basic kind of spooky scene. Late night, creepy house, ghosty dude, full moon. It's all there, everything you need for a good spooking. Of course there are 2 more books contained within this hardcover, even if it doesn't give you the cover art for those, let's take a peek.

The second in the series gets a nice campfire scene with Curly and some skeleton scouts. No doubt they themselves are telling scary stories. Probably ones about horrible skeletons that walk around covered in disgusting flesh. Too horrible to believe!

I will say that the logo/oozy border color is kind of weird. It is like... slightly greenish? And the contrast is slightly yellowish? And it sort of... blends together. Usually the colors are vastly different. It doesn't really work here.

Now for the final book contained in my compilation. 

I picked the reprint cover to give you glimpse at a little different border. This version has a nice little picture of Curly curled up with what I assume is a spot of tea? I admit the original slimey covers give me nostalgia but for an alternative this doesn't look so bad.

I LOVE the cover art itself. Curly is clearly enjoying the summertime curled up with some Goosebumps in a kiddy pool. Why is there a bulldog there? Does the skeleton on the bulldog? Is it someone else's bulldog and the skeleton "borrowed" their pool? Regardless, the cover is really silly and fun. A far cry from the first books more straight laced illustration.

Anyway, I think that about COVERS it. Get it? Covers? Ha ha.

So after this poorly written introduction I am sure you are all chomping at the bit to get reading my reviews. Well check back each day and I shall hopefully have the latest short story review up for you to enjoy. Enjoy your October, and Happy Halloween!

Goosebumps Comics: Monsters at Midnight

Here I am, back to Goosebumps but a little bit different. This time I am covering some Goosebumps comics. Now some time ago I reviewed Goosebumps Graphix #1 which was a collection of 3 adaptations of Goosebumps novels into comic form. What I'm talking about now is a little different.

Goosebumps comics published by IDW Comics are instead original stories inspired by the classic books. So far they have published 2 stories which are comprised of 3 comics a piece. If you don't want to track down back issues the first story, Monsters at Midnight which I am gonna talk about a little here has been collected into a hardcover collecting the 3 comics.

I am not going to write up a complete synopsis of the story like I do for my regular reviews. Those reviews are for books 20 years old I want to relive. This is a modern book, out this year, and I think you should all go out and buy it to experience it for yourself.

Of course... I should tell you a little about it. So Mia and Ginny are spending their summer vacation with grandma and things aren't quite going as thrillingly as planned. When Ginny spots a creepy book store and wants to find a copy of a book that should be quite familiar to Goosebumps fans, the girls sneak out at midnight to find it but get more than they bargained for! I will say they wind up ultimately in a place which faithful readers should be quite familiar with, and some characters that they should be familiar with to.

This isn't just a rehash though. The story is all new, and they find some new characters along the way quite important to the plot. Ultimately it is a nice mishmash of things old and familiar with some newness mixed in.

I think this book would be great both as a way to introduce kids to Goosebumps or to excite someone who is already really familiar with the brand. If they have read a bunch of Goosebumps they'll see a lot of references they know and love. But it isn't just a "remember this!?" book. Example, at one point the girls get served a nice big bottle of Monster Blood. If you're familiar with that book you'll get a smile of seeing the ooze appearing. If you aren't familiar it'll still be a gross bottle of slime, and maybe if you get into the series later on you'll be familiar and then love the reference when you figure it out.

The plot is fairly solid for a comic book. It manages to both feel like a Goosebumps yet not feel entirely shackled down by the format. It has some trademarks the series is known for. Comic book versions of jumpscares for example. But also the plot doesn't really play out in a way I think a Goosebumps book traditionally would... and I think that's fine! After how many hundreds of Goosebumps books there are it's ok for there to be a little difference in the series. It is not different enough to feel "not Goosebumps" but different enough to feel... different.

Of course for a comic one must talk about the art. The art is really good and fitting in my opinion. It is bright, fun and cartoony with just and edge of scare. I admit a few panels are actually kinda freaky to an extent. A lot of it is in the eyes. Scary eyes!

Ultimately I'd recommend Monsters at Midnight. If you have a comic book shop you could check for back issues, or you can just see if your local book store carries the hardcover collection. All else fails, you can always get it online.

As I mentioned there are 2 series so far. The second is called Download and Die which I may cover at some point, but regardless should mention and recommend. It has many of the same strengths as the first one, while providing new characters and story. Currently Download and Die is only available in the individual 3 comic books but I imagine soon it should be out as a hardcover collection as well.

So thanks for reading, I'll be back with one of my more traditional reviews next time. I just really enjoyed these comics and thought I'd write up something to let you all know I give them the thumbs up. So until next time... stay spooky.

Don Cheadle Wants My Goosebumps!

So yesterday which was April 1st (hint hint hint about my update yesterday) and guess who happened to call me asking to borrow my Goosebumps? Don Cheadle himself! What an odd coincidence that such a famous actor would call me on April Fools Day! Sadly I was too buy stuffing my face full of ham and peeps to answer the call but he left me a nice voicemail you can listen to here.

Goosebumps #37 - The Headless Ghost

Judging a Book by its Cover

That right there is my childhood copy of The Headless Ghost. It definitely evokes thoughts of Sleepy Hollow and the headless horseman. Why do the headless ghosts always carry their heads? Can't they like, duct tape them on or something?

It has this kind of neon pink/purple vibe going on, both in the borders and in the picture itself. It is definitely competently done and is pretty much what you'd expect the cover to be for such a story. It lacks some of the kookiness that the more memorable Goosebumps illustrations have though.

There are some alternative cover pictures from around the globe. Take France for instance.

This head is kind of more zombie/skeleton than it is ghostly. It kind of makes me think of the cover of How I Got My Shrunken Head. It doesn't really fit the expectations I have when reading a Goosebumps book. It is simultaneously more serious, but also a kind of silly. It's hard to put into words really.

Unlike France, Japan is simply not fucking around with its cover.

Look at that! That is bad ass. That doesn't look like the cover to a kid's book. It looks like it belongs on a heavy metal album. It reminds me of some of the more haunting illustrations from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. It is absolutely creepy and revolting. Full points for this. It might be a little too serious and grotesque for how silly Goosebumps is but god damn is it awesome.

So what are we getting in this book? Certainly a ghost without a head. That much is very clear. All illustrations involved make it look like an olde timey ghost instead of a newer one. The American one makes it seem as though he'll be haunting a house. Will some kid move into a haunted house? Is there a spooky house on the corner all the neighbors warn him about? Let's see!

Getting Goosebumps

Meet Stephanie and Duane. They are known as the Twin Terrors. I think mostly they refer to themselves by this name, I don't imagine anyone else does. Anyway, they both look similar despite not being related and they like to go around town scaring people. Twin terrors. Got it? They adopted the spook life last Halloween when they got old enough to realize scaring people is cooler than trick or treating. Of course terrorizing the neighborhood doesn't have to be done just on Halloween.

Now the Twin Terrors find one place in town scariest of all. Hill House is a creepy old tourist stop that is, of course, haunted. Duane and Stephanie have been on the tour so often they know it all by heart. A sea captain built the house 200 years ago then left his bride to go off and sail. He never returned. Or maybe he did... AS A GHOST! He haunted his old lady up pretty good and scared her right out of their home. His ghastly calls for his wife Annabel where frequently heard but no one ever saw the ghost. Of course a haunted house with just one ghost isn't good enough. One hundred years after it was built the Craws moved in with their son Andrew. Andrew was... how shall I put this... kind of a dick? No one liked him, not even his parents. Long story short, the sea captain's ghost ripped off his head. Why? Well because Andrew saw him. That is pretty good grounds for ripping off someones head I suppose. Anyway, no one has really heard from ghost captain since and now ghost Andrew is the talk of the town. His head has never been found.

Anyway, back to the Twin Terrors. After a year of throwing fake plastic spiders on people while they sleep, they're starting to get bored. Stephanie comes up with a brilliant idea. They are going to go to Hill House and find the Andrew's missing head. Duane seems a bit scared of the idea, but ultimately decides to go along with it.

Inside they are greeted by their favorite tour guide Otto. He tells them the story of Captain Bell and his bride Annabel. After she fled in terror people in the city saw a figure that looked just like him holding a lantern aloft in the window. This directly contradicts the Duane narration which states that people heard his cries but never saw the ghost. I thought these kids knew the tour by heart?

Captain Bell and Headless Andrew aren't the only sad stories the house has to offer. Andrew's younger sister went mad after his death. She sat in her room playing with her dolls every day for 80 years. I hope they had a bathroom put into her room. Also, their mom tripped and fell to her death in the house shortly after Andrew's death. I suppose that couldn't have helped his sister's sanity.

Of course the Twin Terrors aren't here for the tour, they are here for the head. Duane has a problem escaping the tour though. Some creepy pale kid (who may or may not be a ghost) is watching them.Stephanie gives no fucks and drags Duane off in search of the head.

First stop, the green room. It's called that because it has green wallpaper. Clever. 60 years ago some people stayed there and got a horrible rash that never went away and no doctor could cure it. It just so happens that Stephanie is starting to itch horribly. How terrible, unless of course it's a prank, which it is. But don't worry she'll never prank Duane again and OH MY GOD THERE IS THE MISSING HEAD. Dammit, pranked again. In another room Duane checks out a bed and OH MY GOD THE BLANKETS ARE MOVING oh wait never mind Stephanie is just looking in the bed for the missing head. Man, that time she wasn't even trying to prank him. Get a grip Duane.

All this tomfoolery paid off though. They found the missing head. Unless of course it was actually an antique bowling ball. Oh damn, it was. Did you know they used to only have 2 holes with none for your thumb? Well now you do, thanks for that lesson Mr. Stine.

This calls for desperate action. They are going to the... TOP FLOOR! The tour never goes up there. That MUST be where they hide all the disembodied heads. Or where they keep all the ordinary house cats. Either way. Also cobwebs. I mean I guess these things are kinda creepy in a Halloween decoration kind of way? More rooms, more ghastly visages like... SHEETS COVERING OLD FURNITURE. Finally someone comes to get them. It is either a ghost or the tour guide. I'll give you two guesses.

So after Otto the tour guide shows them out they hear spooky voices asking about the head. All the find however, is the creepy blond kid from the tour. His name is Seth and he is in town visiting. Also, he wants to show them some real ghosts. Turns out ghosts hate tours and only come out at night. Makes sense I guess. They all make plans to sneak out at night and meet up there to see some real good old fashioned specters.

The next night at midnight (the spookiest hour of the day) they all sneak out. Immediately Seth tries for a jump scare prank but for once in a Goosebumps book it doesn't work. Inside Seth assures them that it needs to be dark because ghosts don't like the light. I guess maybe it hurts their eyes? Do ghosts have eyes? Immediately they contradict this by getting some candles? So I guess ghosts are ok with like... mood lighting? Or maybe they only like candles because they are appropriate the the time period they were alive in. I suppose electric like would freak me out too.

A new spooky tale is revealed in the kitchen. The dumbwaiter, it seems, is HAUNTED! The chef would put food on it in ye olden times the cook would put food on it and try to send it upstairs but when it arrived the food would be gone. Now my first thought would be that it is malfunctioning or maybe their are rats or raccoon in the house or something but nope it's definitely gotta be ghosts. Everyone knows ghosts are hungry all the time. Like Slimer from Ghostbusters. A creepier story for the dumbwaiter is that some kid was showing off using it for an elevator and when it came back he was gone. All that remained were three bowls containing various organs of his. Which is pretty gross.

For more immediate concerns though we look to Seth who has locked in our protagonists. Did I say Seth? Actually, he is now saying his name is Andrew. But... isn't Andrew the name of the ghost. It sure is. Stephanie points out the obvious. Andrew is missing a head and this kid has a head therefor, not Andrew. He explains that he actually borrowed this head. Sadly, he has to return it. He has a new head to borrow in mind though. Duane's. He needn't worry though. It will be returned when Andrew finds his own head! Well that's nice and considerate.

I guess Duane isn't down with this plan. The twin terrors scramble away and in the tussle reveal a hidden passage. Try try to escape via ladder but the wall it is on breaks away. This reveals yet another hidden area. A room. A room containing a ghost head. Andrew's ghost head. And then another ghost shows up. This ghost has no head. So the NEW ghost is Andrew, who turns out to just be pretty glad to have his head back and then part this earthly existence. So who is Seth then? Conveniently Otto the tour guide shows up. Or, as Seth calls him, UNCLE Otto. Apparently this isn't the firs time Seth has pretended to be a ghost. Wacky kids!

After all this Duane and Stephanie decide to lay off the spooky stuff. Of course they just can't totally stay away. After a while they return to the house for the tour for old time's sake. Otto was glad to show them around another time. When finished some police officers come to see what the kids were doing at that old house. The kids tell them they were taking a tour. How can that be, the officers wonder. There haven't been any tours in that house for months. It's been abandoned for awhile. Scoping it out, the kids see the ghosts of tour guides Otto and Edna. That's the spooktastic ending.

What I Thought

36 Goosebumps came before this one. We are in a little bit of a rut at this point. The formula for these books is pretty clear, and he's sticking to it. The books that stand out at this point, have to have some unique aspect. That is usually in what monster appears. A ghost in a haunted house just isn't that creative at this point. So while the book is as solid as a Goosebumps book can be, does the one with some ghosts in it really stand out among the living dummies, lawn gnomes, monster bloods, and haunted masks? Not really.

So what things does this have going for it? Well it has kids who love scaring kids in turn getting spooked. I believe that's call comeuppance and that is good stuff to read about. A tour of a haunted house is interesting. Usually when you have a haunted house in these things it's one that a family unwittingly moved into or one that has been abandoned. Having one so notoriously haunted that it has a tour but without ever having any actual evidence of ghosts until some kids go snooping. That's fun.

I can't help feeling he could have taken things in a more unique direction though. It's pretty much what you would expect out of a book called The Headless Ghost. He could have turned it on it's head (no pun intended) a little bit. Get a little bit unexpected. He loves his twists, but the "it was ghosts the whole time" is pretty meh.

Overall, this book is perfectly acceptable but not exceptional. If you love ghosts over other types of scary things, perhaps you'll really dig this one. Otherwise, it's just a pretty ok book in a very very long series of other ones.

Rating: 2 and 1/2 heads out of 5

What's Next?

I don't know! The next book of the original series is The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena. But frankly I'd like to do something different. What? I don't know. There are a fair amount of options. I have several books for other series in Goosebumps. Any thoughts? Leave a comment on what Goosebumps stuff you'd like me to review next. Until then, thanks for reading, and catch ya next time.