Goosebumps #41: Bad Hare Day

Judging a Book by its Cover

Greetings Goosebumpers (is that what I should call my readers?) I know I've been pretty lacking in updates but it's Halloween and here I am, back again. Today I'll be talking about an entry from the classic Goosebumps Series, novel #41, Bad Hare Day.

First things first, I do love a pun title. This title is kind of like the inverse of My Hairiest Adventure, right? So that gets points right off the bat.

So once again Tim Jacobus knocks it out of the park with a great illustration. It has his trademark weird angles. The rabbit's embellished features like big ol' teeth and creepy eyes manage to make a pretty unscary creature pretty fearsome.

I do have a confession to make though. There are like, "magic essence" lines sort of wafting up from the hat right? At first I thought those were stink lines. Attack of the stinky rabbit doesn't have the same ring to it though.

So we learn a few things from this cover. There is presumably going to be some illusionist magic. A rabbit will be involved. And as the tagline fills us in, this rabbit will in fact not be the easter bunny.

Will there be an evil rabbit that saws kids in half? Will there be a robot rabbit that steals from fans at magic shows? Will there be an alien rabbit that invades a budding young magicians house? It's Goosebumps so anything is possible. Let's get in to it.

Getting Goosebumps

Tim Swanson's family is kind of a drag. Both of his parents are continually having the worst days of their lives due to work being a miserable slog. His younger sister Ginny takes karate for self defense... but uses it more for offense... specifically against Tim.

So what does Tim have to look forward to in his miserable life? His love of magic. Of course, it's still a work in progress. Trying to impress his friends with magic tricks doesn't go to well. Ginny the Karate Kid reveals that all his cards are the 3 of clubs, making picking the right card a real easy feat. He loses his audience, and an argument with his sister ends with a nice karate chop to the gut. Pretty embarrassing to get beat up by your younger sister.

At least his friend Foz is on his side. Together they check out the magic shop together for some new tricks. Of course, with only 5 bucks to his name Tim mostly browses. The quirky shop owner tricks them with a prop sword. Convincing kids they are witnessing a murder IS pretty hilarious. They get him back later using one of his prop guillotines to fake getting a hand chopped off. The owner is pretty embarrassed he falls for one of his own tricks. Knowing they have a true love of magic, he gives them free tickets to a show for the worlds greatest magician, and Tim's personal hero, Amaz-O. 

Foz is out right away, realizing instantly that his parents would never let him go to a show at 10pm on a school night. Tim is more hopefully. After all, magic is his passion and Amaz-O is his hero! Surely his parents will understand!

... No. They don't. Will Smith was right. Parents just don't understand. Undeterred, Tim decides to sneak out and attend the show at Midnight Mansion. Unfortunately for him Ginny hears him sneaking out and demands to tag along under threat of tattling.

Dodging cops upon their bikes, they make it there. A slick lie to the doorman assuring him their parents are just parking the car and they are in. Instantly Tim is enthralled.

The show is absolutely amazing. Doves fly out of his hat. Things levitate. All the magical things happen. Amaz-O is as amazing as his name suggests. Best of all is that Tim himself gets called up to assist in the last trick. He is going to disappear! Nervously he enters the box for the trick. He gets spun around. He gets sucked into the 5th dimension! Well no... he falls down a chute to the basement. So that's how the trick works. Now all he has to do is wait for Amaz-O to come down and get him and he can strike up a conversation with his hero...

Problem though. No one comes. He is alone down there. Also the door is locked. He yells for help. No help. Only one thing to do, bust open the door. He manages to, but still there is no one. He yells out and wanders around. How could everyone leave him?

Finally he finds Amaz-O's personal room. He eagerly comes inside, a little upset that the jerk left him alone down there, but still eager to meet his hero... Instead all he sees is Amaz-O's rabbit and hears the magician yell at him, call him a punk, tell him to get out of there.

Tim leaves in a huff and as a parting gift steals Amaz-O's personal trunk of tricks on the way out. He runs to his bike being followed by security, and runs into a miffed Ginny. Together they bike off into the night and manage to get home safe and sound.

His sister demands they share the trunk, again, under threat of tattling. She may not be the biggest magic fan, but a professional magicians props are too tempting a thing to let go. Tim agrees to share the trunk, and they will open it up together the next day. Then Tim IMMEDIATELY breaks his promise. What can he say, magic is too cool to wait.

The chest blows up as soon as he opens it. Except it is only an audio chip with an explosion sound. Still scares the crap out of a kid though. He tries out some of the tricks without really knowing what to do and only succeeds in letting loose a bunch of live snakes from Amaz-O's suit. Enough is enough, I've had it with these mother fucking snakes in this mother fucking suit! When he fully investigates them it turns out they are clockwork automatons. That must be HELLA complicated clockwork. Finally he gives it up for the evening.

The next morning Ginny immediately tries to confess, but their parents are too distracted by the hellscape that is adult life. She also knows that Tim broke the promise. The agree to check out the trunk together with Tim's friend Foz.

Foz is also faked out by the exploding trunk. Tim is eager to show off some tricks. He does the ball under a shell trick. Ginny guesses the ball right. How can that be? Tim palmed the ball. But then they realize there is a ball under EVERY shell. And there are more balls popping out from under the shells all the time! Quickly they stash it away, clearly this magic is too advanced. Next Tim inadvertently lets loose legions of doves. How the hell are they gonna clean all this up?

They escape to the outdoors, but Tim hasn't given up on the tricks yet. But why is there a carrot in there? Without any fucking hesitation Ginny bites the magic carrot. What kid in the world is so eager to eat a carrot? I don't believe you RL Stine. This carrot turns out to be some genuine magic too, because it turns his sister into a rabbit. Tim threatened to do this all the time, but now it actually happened! And it's going to be a big problem because if parent's don't understand kids going to see a magic show at 10 pm on a school night they sure as hell are not going to understand you turning your kid sister into a damn rabbit.

Tim finds a magic wand and tries it out. All it does is shoot out handkerchiefs. Pretty impressive, but not useful. They finally find a instruction paper but wouldn't ya just know, a convenient gust of wind blows it away and into a nearby stream. Shucks. There goes any hope of turning rabbit Ginny back to human. Aww well.

Well I guess there is one more thing to try. They have gotta go meet Amaz-O and confess to their crimes... and also get Ginny turned back to a human.

Back on their bikes, they return to the Midnight Mansion only to find it closed. They barge in anyway, and go to Amaz-O's room. There he sits, but he is outright ignoring him. Wait no, he's not ignoring them, he's asleep. Wait no, he's not asleep, he's dead! Wait no, he's not dead, he's.... a wooden puppet? How can that be? Is it a prop for his shows?

Either way his rabbit is still there. And Amaz-O's voice calls out calling them a bunch of punks that need to leave. Wait no, his rabbit is saying that.... wait no, the rabbit IS Amaz-O!

See Amaz-O has some backstory. He was a human once. The greatest magician in the world. Famous, popular, rich, and all that good stuff. He had a jealous hater named Frank. Frank was a genuine sorcerer. Real fucking magic. Problem is he had none of the success because he was kind of awkward. So what's a man to do? Turn the person you're jealous of into a rabbit apparently. And what is a rabbit magician to do? Go on continuing to do magic apparently... He just has a wooden puppet of what he used to look like because apparently no one would pay to see a magic rabbit? Wait no... everyone would pay shit tons to see a magic rabbit. So I guess I don't understand why you need the wooden puppet BUT NO MATTER.

This story resolves itself. The magic carrot has a time limit. In a scant half hour Ginny will be a human again. What a happy ending. And in the happiest ending, Amaz-O wants Tim to be in on his act.

There is a problem though. Tim thought he was going to be replacing the wooden puppet. Turns out instead he is replacing the rabbit... He does get plenty of lettuce though...

THE END

What I thought

One of R.L. Stine's strong suits can be putting forward some relatable childhood experiences. A lot of kids have definitely had a "magic tricks" phase. If you didn't, there is a good chance you went to school with someone you did. Maybe it was just a couple of simple card tricks. Maybe it was a full fledged prepackaged magic kit. As far as "hobby leads to trouble" plots go, I think this is more relatable than say, the ventriloquism in Night of the Living Dummy.

This also has the whole aspect of "your desires coming true in a horrible way." The monkey paw if you would. Tim wants to be able to do wonderful magic, but he cheats his way there and it overwhelms him. Tim also wants to turn his sister into a rabbit and I'll be damned but he does it, and immediately realizes there are real world consequences to it.

Parents in Stine books always disbelieve the kids, but in this book they outright ignore them due to the stresses of life. It's a different way to paint the characters that still results in the kids being all alone in their trouble. As an adult now, the parents are hell relatable.

I do have a problem with this book though. It resolves itself. Stine often comes up with really silly solutions to the problems in the books but here the solution is just to wait. They don't have to do ANYTHING to get Ginny back to being a human. They have no problems to figure out. They don't outsmart anyone. They don't even figure out the true identity of Amaz-O on their own really. He just outright tells them everything in an explanation dump, along with the fact that there problem won't be a problem in a half an hour. It sorta lets the steam out of the climax of this story. The twist of the magician being a rabbit is moderately interesting, as you would think the sister turning into the rabbit is the allusion of the "hare" in the title... but the fact that they didn't have to do anything to reveal it... Just feels like R.L. Stine sorta hit the right page count and needed to wrap things up.

When it comes down to it, I don't think the ending completely ruins the story. In some ways, any mix up of the Goosebumps formula kind of feels like a relief, but I still found it a little disappointing. The use of magic which is supposed to be an illusion but in fact real, maintains enough allure to save the story. What kid hasn't wondered in the back of their head if maybe that guy getting sawed in half was REALLY getting sawed in half?

This is a decent Goosebumps entry, just not top tier.

Rating: 3 rabbits out of 5

Up Next!

I am absolutely not promising to start updating way more often. I will, however, say that my goal is to update once more towards the end of the year. Could be late December. Could be early January. Or I could drop off the face of the earth and not update for another year. My goal is for that to not happen though.

So my tentative plan for that update will just be to do the next book in the series. I kind of want to at least close out all the original books sometime within my lifetime. So next up would be #42, Egg Monsters from Mars. Those are the scariest types of egg monsters in my humble opinion.

Anyway, thanks for reading this. It's fun to relive these silly books with people who have memories of them, however vague those memories may be. I am actually pretty surprised that every so often I get comments from people I don't actually know. I am glad some people get some fun out of this besides myself.

Until next time Goosebumpers! (ok I am rethinking calling my readers that.) 

Goosebumps #39 - How I Got My Shrunken Head

Judging a Book by its Cover

Alright so I said I'd have a new review out by February... and it's March.... but not very late into March so I think I'm doing good!

We are back on track with the next entry in the original Goosebumps series. It's #39 How I Got My Shrunken Head. As expected the head in question looks pretty creepy. I think generally in a shrunken head the eyes are sewn shut... since eyes tend to rot away. I'm guessing this one is super natural though? Also its skin is green. Skin usually doesn't turn green. Maybe it's a goblin head. Looks like one to me...

There are some nice details in the illustration. There is a pair of chucks that often grace Goosebumps covers. There is also a "University" pennant. Most people cheer for a specific university but this kid just loves secondary education in general. I also want to know who has purple and blue tiles in their room. Weird color scheme dude.

The tagline give us so head related word play. "Heads up!" says the front illustration. I wonder if the fact that this tagline is next to a baseball glove and ball is coincidental or planned. My guess is a happy accident. Thinking they thought that out seems like giving them too much credit. The back HILARIOUSLY states that "two heads are better than one." I might have to disagree in this case. No preserved human remains for me thanks.

Anyway, it's been awhile. lets see if I remember how to write a a synopsis and review.

Getting Goosebumps

Mark really likes the video game Jungle King. You swing from vines, collect shrunken heads, and avoid quicksand. What an adventure. Incidentally there was a real video game named Jungle King, where you do in fact swing from vines but very little else matches up with R.L. Stine's description. Incidentally that game had to rename itself Jungle Hunt after it got sued by the people who owned the rights to Tarzan. No joke. Anyway, what was I saying again? Oh yeah, kid likes jungle adventure video games. Kid even made up his own jungle cry, "kah-lee-ah!" Kids are weird. So Weird.

So by total coincidence after collecting shrunken heads in the game, one shows up at his doorstep. Not by itself though, it was carried by a woman named Carolyn who apparently knows his Aunt Benna. Aunt Benna it seems is off on a jungle island studying. The shrunken head is a gift, because what kid doesn't like playing with parts of corpses?

Well that shrunken head does some weird stuff. And some of it is his sister playing pranks, but some of it is harder to explain... like at night it started glowing... and grinning! Still it could be his sister pranking, little sisters are so jealous of gross human heads. She even scratched the darn thing in a spat!

So it turns out that Carolyn was sent by Aunt Benna to bring her nephew Mark to visit her in the jungle. Well the word of a stranger with absolutely no warning from the Aunt is good enough for mom, so Mark packs his bags and is off to dangerous parts unknown with a woman they've never met carrying a disembodied human head through the airport. Sounds like everything here is in order. Next stop, the jungles of Baladora.

Once there instead of meeting his Aunt whom he has not seen since he was quite young, he instead gets introduced to a Dr. Hawlings and his daughter Kareen. Benna, it seems, is missing. That is the reason Mark had to come. They didn't contact police, military, rescue crews, the government, trackers, no.... they contacted a 12 year old boy. How can Mark be of any use what so ever? Well it's simple, Mark has the JUNGLE MAGIC. Yup, that's gonna be the plot of this book I guess. Jungle magic. The Oloyan people of the island had the magic. They were headshrinkers, hence the head in Marks possession. Mark too possess the magic only he is... skeptical. I can't imagine why!

Mark uses some of that good common sense Goosebumps protagonists have and decides to explore the jungle a little bit at night. He comes across a seriously creepy pile of heads. Not cool. He retreats pretty quickly and searches headquarters for a flashlight. Instead he finds Aunt Benna's notes. Turns out ol' Benna is hiding on purpose because Dr. Hawlings and co. are EVIL. They want the jungle magic for their own evil purposes. But come on now, what is the jungle magic of a race of ancient headshrinkers for if not for evil? Anyway to keep things safe she gave Mark the magic years ago, and kept he safe 4000 miles away from the island. Sure would be a shame if he showed up at the island for some reason... oh damn!

Kareen interrupts things. She believes in Marks jungle magic and despite being Dr. Hawlings spawn convinces Mark she truly cares about his aunt. She helps him escape to the jungle, alone... which is a great place for a 12 year old city boy to be. No joke, the dude passes out and gets covered by huge angry ants. Way to go Mark, your aunt is going to die because you are inept.

In desperation he shouts "Kah-lee-ah!" that stupid jungle cry he used in the video game. Turns out that is a plot point too. His jungle cry. It saves his ass somehow. Next his dumb ass falls into quicksand. He never saw the Mythbusters where they proved you don't drown in quicksand so he panics. His little shout won't help him because he dropped the shrunken head, which is part of the jungle magic. Then he thumps the head his way and grabs on to it. His shout works and summons vines to the rescue. But where is his aunt? Well lucky for him that his shrunken head works as a Benna seeking compass.

Next our dude gets attacked by an angry momma tiger. Never fear though because a literal hole rips in the earth to protect him. Course now he is stuck in a hole. Out of the frying pan into the fire. He can't figure out a way to get out of this one. What do you do when jungle magic fails you? Count on Kareen.

The duo walks in a Benna-ward direction while Kareen tries to convince Mark her dad isn't so evil. Then they find Benna and then Kareen tries to convince the old woman of her dad's not evilness too. Then Kareen pulls a total heel turn and reveals that she is totally evil herself, and had been helping her dad find Aunt Benna. Kareen tries to justify it by saying kids gotta help their parents even if they are evil.

Aunt and Nephew get put in a shack til they reveal their jungle magic. Luckily the shrunken head didn't get confiscated. They have one last shot to use the jungle magic to save their asses. I am getting really tired of typing the words "jungle magic" by the way.

They get one last chance to spill the secret or they are gonna get their heads shrunken, shrinked? shrank? shrunk? Their heads are gonna get smaller. The plan to save their asses goes awry when the head gets swatted away into a pile of heads. How can he tell which one is the right one? Oh right, his dumb sister scratched up his, that's how! Hey lookit those details coming back into play.

With the right had and a fierce "kah-lee-ah" the head shrinkers become the shrinkees, except not just their heads shrink but their whole bodies. Odd. Anyway as tiny Stuart Little sized people they are powerless and Benna is free to return to civilization with her nephew. She does the responsible thing and takes back the jungle magic she gave him years ago, but he can keep the shrunken head.... hey did that thing start talking?

My Thoughts

Fundamentally this is the kind of Goosebumps book I should like. There tend to be "location" books, where kids go on an adventure far from the normalcy of home. The Mummy books were a good example of this, exploring ancient pyramids and tombs. Likewise, this explores a jungle. of course it's not a very realistic jungle. It is a jungle right out of old timey adventure movies I bet RL Stine grew up watching. If Tarzan swung by on a rope it wouldn't be out of place.

If this is the kind of Goosebumps book I should like, then why didn't it? I think "jungle magic" had a big part to do with it. Stine loves to put really dumb plot points like this in. I mean, there is probably a really cool way to reveal a magic of the island. Shouting "kah-lee-ah" and calling it "jungle magic" is not really that way. More than just a magical device, it kind of serves as a means to just magically solve any problem by shouting some words. It's a nifty little Swiss army tool for making sure the protagonist can get out of anything.

Sometimes Stine just really drops the ball on things too. It's a book called how I got my shrunken head. It's all about shrunken heads. So when Mark defeats the enemy what does he do? He shrinks their heads them entirely. Whhhhhy? It doesn't make any sense.

Plus he doesn't really flesh things out. For example, why does Dr. Hawlings want the jungle magic? Like, ok... yes he wants to strip mine the area.... why does he need jungle magic for that? Trust me, standard industry has been doing a great job of ripping apart the jungle for raw materials without any need for magic. All you need is bulldozers and chainsaws. Easy peasy.

So lets go over what is scary/creepy. Shrunken heads are creepy. Thing is, I don't know if they go far enough to really convey how creepy that are. Real ones are ACTUAL HUMAN FLESH. Like a real person got murdered and their skin got preserved. It's creepy as fuck! And it's a real actual thing too. Of course probably 80% of so called shrunken heads in collections are thought to be fakes. To be honest if I had a shrunken head I'd be revealed to found out it is a fake.

The other scares are largely "real" scares. Jungle mayhem. Vicious tigers, swarming aunts, fictional deadly quicksand. To me these are largely the more interesting scares of the story. A shrunken head is just gross, a tiger will maul you to death. It could have used a snake squeezing the life of him though. That would be my suggestion.

I think perhaps one of the big reasons I didn't enjoy this is the same reason I didn't enjoy many of these books on the reread. I'm thinking with my adult brain not my child brain. Still, adult brain me wonders if even child brain would think shouting "kah-lee-ah" is pretty dumb.

At the end of the day I guess this book just isn't that memorable to stand out in the field of the near 40 other original series Goosebumps books that were out at this time. If you like the jungle setting it my sit well with you, but otherwise it doesn't have much else to offer.

Rating: 2 out of 5 shrunken heads

Up Next

Ideally I'll have my next review up April 1st. It won't be a Goosebumps book, or even by R.L. Stine, but it's from a series I've wanted to review for awhile now. Excuse me for these little deviations! I think it'll be a fun one though. Until then, thanks for reading.

Goosebumps #38: The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena

Judging a Book by its Cover

My, my, my it has been a long time hasn't it? Sorry for, you know, completely abandoning this blog for almost a year. I'm back though, so let's get to it.

The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena. Clearly snowmen are not supposed to be in California. You know the only reason I knew about Pasadena existing before this book was the Jan and Dean song Little Old Lady From Pasadena. I guess these are their 2 claims to fame?

So the Snowman is clearly out of his element amongst the palm trees and one wonders where the snow he is covered with is from. You know I always thought Abominable Snowmen were white furred and that is what distinguishes them from their Bigfoot/Sasquatch brethren. Maybe I'm wrong though. This brute is very top heavy. It looks like he skips leg day at the gym but his upper body strength is a site to behold. Just look at that street light! Also he is knocking over a mailbox which I am pretty sure is a federal crime. Not cool buddy, not cool.

You know what is cool though? Finally writing a review for a dang Goosebumps book again. Let's get on with it.

Getting Goosebumps

This time around our protagonists are the brother sister team of Jordan and Nicole Blake. Their dad is a photographer who just got back from the Grand Tetons where there was SNOW. Jordan and Nicole are mad jealous because, having never seen snow before, they don't know that it's actually terrible. Dad is developing his photos of the grizzlies. You see developing photos is what old people used to have to do before digital cameras were invented. You had to actually WAIT to see what the picture you took looked like. Crazy, I know. And for some reason all his photos of the grizzlies look like... teddy bears? That rascally Jordan pranked him. There has always gotta be a prankster in this books, always.

Speaking of pranking, in the next chapter the neighborhood bullies unscrewed the Blakes' bike handlebars and put them on backwards. That and a thorough Super Soaking (tm) really got the better of the duo. The grand finale was a rock smashing that turned out to be a movie prop. Surely these villains will never get their comeuppance later on!

Anyway dad gets great news that he gets to go shoot some photos in Alaska for a magazine. The normal babysitter is occupied so the kids get to tag along on a professional photo shoot in the wilderness. What could go wrong? The publication wants shots of a supposed Abominable Snowman but dad is skeptical and is fine just getting shots of the tundra. Booooring.

Cut to the flight in to Alaska. It is a mighty small town they land in and they meet their guide Arthur. He is a true believer of the Snowman and tells tales of people gone missing. He is not real fond of the idea of kids being brought along. Can't say I blame him.

As if to immediately confirm Arthur's feelings about the kids, 2 miles in to their 10 mile trek the siblings are horsing around and one of them falls into a crevice. Damn kids. They stop for the night after arriving late at an old musher's cabin. Not too late for Jordan to plant some fake Snowman tracks though. Dad and Arthur fall for it hard. The old guide flips out. I guess it's a reasonable response if you think something that's been eating all your friends is nearby. Count this as a prank that didn't land very well.

Next morning the sled dogs are scared of something. This makes Arthur doubly scared. Mr. Blake concedes and they head back to the cabin. Later on the dogs get spooked again. That night the kids sneak out of the cabin because they can't sleep and they spot Arthur abandoning them to be eaten by the yeti. Dick movie Arthur. Dick move.

The kids chase him because they are idiots and of course they get lost. They fall into another crevice, scream for help, cause an avalanche, stumble into a strange room, and then find the Abominable freakin' Snowman. He is big, he is scary, and he is... frozen in ice? That seems to be the case, even though fresh footprints lead right to the ice cube. Odd

Can ice stop a snow beast though? No it cannot. The ice cracks and he chases the kids, savagely attacking them, tearing them limb from limb and devouring the corpses... oh wait no, he opens their backpack and steals their trail mix. This is the fearsome monster that made Arthur almost piss his pants?

Once the snacks are gone the monster carries the children outside only to be scared away by dogs. The dropped kids return to the cabin and tell their father about the beast. He has the reaction any good father would have, demanding the small vulnerable children lead him to the huge unstoppable monster. They do it because they are kisd and they are idiots.When they get their the Snowman is back in his ice cube. Father of the year ignores his frightened children's please to leave the beast alone, and instead he decides to take the Abominable Snowmansicle back home to Pasadena. Jordan sneaks some snowballs in the trunk they lock the monster in. Wait a second, how fucking big was the trunk Mr. Blake took anyway? It can fit a whole damn yeti inside? Jesus! Anyway, no life or death situation is so serious you can't pack away some snowballs to throw at your childhood bully.

Back home in Pasadena the kids who couldn't wait to see snow are relieved to be back in the sunshine. Dad has to leave for business and warns the kids to leave the yeti trunk alone. Sound advice. Their friend starts hassling them about the trip and the Blakes quickly spill the beans about the Snowman. Their friend is reasonable skeptical and needs some hard evidence. Immediately they do the one thing their dad told them not to do. But hey, when you got a frozen yeti you gotta show it off.

Of course the yeti isn't the only thing in there. They sneak the snowballs out and throw them at their awestruck friend, missing instead hitting a tree. That detail is notable because the snow on the tree starts to spread instead of melt. In 100 degree weather the snow covers the tree and spreads  to the ground. The friend is thrilled to see the snow in Pasadena, because (and I've said this about many characters before) SHE'S AN IDIOT. The Blakes are rightfully concerned. The friend becomes more concerned when she lobs a magic snowball at Nicole and the girl freezes solid.

Trying to thaw her out in front of the oven didn't work. A reasonable solution though. The furnace is a no go too. Then a.... uhh... genius solution comes to Jordan's mind. He'll bribe the yeti with trail mix to warm her up. I fail to see how this could go wrong, so lets do this thing. After taking a bit of time to thaw out, the yeti indeed delights at trail mix. At first he seems to maul the frozen sister but he does indeed thaw her out. Wait... that plan fucking WORKED? You gotta be kidding me! The Snowman even goes outside and rolls around in the new magic snow to get it to dissipate. Then the beast takes his leave. They assume he will travel to the chilly mountain tops, but really it's out of their hands.

There is really one thing left to do. There are 2 of those magic snowballs left, and no yeti to dispose of them. They do the only logical thing and bury them in an empty lot.

Dad is understandable bummed that the Abominable Snowman escaped but takes solace in the fact that his kids weren't terribly mauled. At least he has always got the photos he took. I wonder how those turned out? Well all the pics of tundra and elk turned out fine... but every one he took of the Snowman just shows snow and nothing more. Guess he won't be making his millions.

And that is the end of that.

Oh wait, one of the bullies dug up the magic snowball and threw it at the other bully.

THE END.

My Thoughts

Ok surely I could nitpick this book to death. It is formulaic in the way all Goosebumps are. There are silly solutions to monstrous problems. The trail mix being the key to salvation was ridiculous. There are at times desperate leaps of logic. These are things that seem to commonly plague the series.

There is one major thing I thought could be changed about this book though. The book is called The Abominable Snowman of PASADENA and it is only in Pasadena for like 2 chapters. It is somewhat interesting seeing the kids out of their element in Alaska, and certainly the isolation and wildness of the area makes it quite a great setting for a horror book... but that diminishes the interesting aspect of the "fish out of water" Yeti being in California. To me this book fails to deliver on the premise of its title.

I would like to pitch an altered plot to this book. The kids are at home sweltering away in sunny Pasadena with a broken AC while their dad is out having a wild adventure in Alaska. They receive a cryptic postcard in the mail about some mind blowing discovery. Their father returns soon but is acting strange. It turns out he is the sole discoverer of the world's first yeti, frozen in ice. He spends all his time in his dark room studying it, to the neglect of his children. Oddly, the usually balmy California weather in July starts to plummet. Can you believe that after only a week the temperature is below freezing at night? What ever happened to global warming? One morning the kids discover snow covering the ground outside as far as the eyes can see. And... are those giant footprints in the backyard? It turns out the yeti is on the loose. Their father sheepishly admits he was overcome with the strangest desire and knowledge to free the beast. You see, it is more than just a savage animal that time forgot, it is an arcane beast who brings the tundra with him wherever he dwells, with a thirst to finally be free upon the world again. Only the Blake family know the truth about the frigid weather in the city, and only Mr. Blake with his kids by his side can undo the horror he has unleashed upon Pasadena.

Why is RL Stine a millionaire and I'm just writing shitty blog posts? Life ain't fair! Still though, the book isn't like, absolutely terrible. It's basically on par with your average Goosebumps book. It doesn't hurt to believe it could have been so much more though.

Rating: 2 Yetis out of 5

Up Next

I really intend to write another blog post before the end of the year. At the very least, however, I promise to right another one before next October.

My lovely friends sent me some birthday gifts this summer. One is this awesome Haunted Mask blanket pictured above. Another is the RL Stine book Red Rain. It is a horror book he wrote for adults rather than children. I don't expect to do a full big post about it with a lengthy synopsis and everything, but I do expect to at least drop some brief thoughts and perhaps let you know if it's worth picking up.

Beyond that, I still have a giant pile of Goosebumps to read. I'll try and get to them as soon as I can. thanks for reading and happy Halloween!

Goosebumps #37 - The Headless Ghost

Judging a Book by its Cover

That right there is my childhood copy of The Headless Ghost. It definitely evokes thoughts of Sleepy Hollow and the headless horseman. Why do the headless ghosts always carry their heads? Can't they like, duct tape them on or something?

It has this kind of neon pink/purple vibe going on, both in the borders and in the picture itself. It is definitely competently done and is pretty much what you'd expect the cover to be for such a story. It lacks some of the kookiness that the more memorable Goosebumps illustrations have though.

There are some alternative cover pictures from around the globe. Take France for instance.

This head is kind of more zombie/skeleton than it is ghostly. It kind of makes me think of the cover of How I Got My Shrunken Head. It doesn't really fit the expectations I have when reading a Goosebumps book. It is simultaneously more serious, but also a kind of silly. It's hard to put into words really.

Unlike France, Japan is simply not fucking around with its cover.

Look at that! That is bad ass. That doesn't look like the cover to a kid's book. It looks like it belongs on a heavy metal album. It reminds me of some of the more haunting illustrations from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. It is absolutely creepy and revolting. Full points for this. It might be a little too serious and grotesque for how silly Goosebumps is but god damn is it awesome.

So what are we getting in this book? Certainly a ghost without a head. That much is very clear. All illustrations involved make it look like an olde timey ghost instead of a newer one. The American one makes it seem as though he'll be haunting a house. Will some kid move into a haunted house? Is there a spooky house on the corner all the neighbors warn him about? Let's see!

Getting Goosebumps

Meet Stephanie and Duane. They are known as the Twin Terrors. I think mostly they refer to themselves by this name, I don't imagine anyone else does. Anyway, they both look similar despite not being related and they like to go around town scaring people. Twin terrors. Got it? They adopted the spook life last Halloween when they got old enough to realize scaring people is cooler than trick or treating. Of course terrorizing the neighborhood doesn't have to be done just on Halloween.

Now the Twin Terrors find one place in town scariest of all. Hill House is a creepy old tourist stop that is, of course, haunted. Duane and Stephanie have been on the tour so often they know it all by heart. A sea captain built the house 200 years ago then left his bride to go off and sail. He never returned. Or maybe he did... AS A GHOST! He haunted his old lady up pretty good and scared her right out of their home. His ghastly calls for his wife Annabel where frequently heard but no one ever saw the ghost. Of course a haunted house with just one ghost isn't good enough. One hundred years after it was built the Craws moved in with their son Andrew. Andrew was... how shall I put this... kind of a dick? No one liked him, not even his parents. Long story short, the sea captain's ghost ripped off his head. Why? Well because Andrew saw him. That is pretty good grounds for ripping off someones head I suppose. Anyway, no one has really heard from ghost captain since and now ghost Andrew is the talk of the town. His head has never been found.

Anyway, back to the Twin Terrors. After a year of throwing fake plastic spiders on people while they sleep, they're starting to get bored. Stephanie comes up with a brilliant idea. They are going to go to Hill House and find the Andrew's missing head. Duane seems a bit scared of the idea, but ultimately decides to go along with it.

Inside they are greeted by their favorite tour guide Otto. He tells them the story of Captain Bell and his bride Annabel. After she fled in terror people in the city saw a figure that looked just like him holding a lantern aloft in the window. This directly contradicts the Duane narration which states that people heard his cries but never saw the ghost. I thought these kids knew the tour by heart?

Captain Bell and Headless Andrew aren't the only sad stories the house has to offer. Andrew's younger sister went mad after his death. She sat in her room playing with her dolls every day for 80 years. I hope they had a bathroom put into her room. Also, their mom tripped and fell to her death in the house shortly after Andrew's death. I suppose that couldn't have helped his sister's sanity.

Of course the Twin Terrors aren't here for the tour, they are here for the head. Duane has a problem escaping the tour though. Some creepy pale kid (who may or may not be a ghost) is watching them.Stephanie gives no fucks and drags Duane off in search of the head.

First stop, the green room. It's called that because it has green wallpaper. Clever. 60 years ago some people stayed there and got a horrible rash that never went away and no doctor could cure it. It just so happens that Stephanie is starting to itch horribly. How terrible, unless of course it's a prank, which it is. But don't worry she'll never prank Duane again and OH MY GOD THERE IS THE MISSING HEAD. Dammit, pranked again. In another room Duane checks out a bed and OH MY GOD THE BLANKETS ARE MOVING oh wait never mind Stephanie is just looking in the bed for the missing head. Man, that time she wasn't even trying to prank him. Get a grip Duane.

All this tomfoolery paid off though. They found the missing head. Unless of course it was actually an antique bowling ball. Oh damn, it was. Did you know they used to only have 2 holes with none for your thumb? Well now you do, thanks for that lesson Mr. Stine.

This calls for desperate action. They are going to the... TOP FLOOR! The tour never goes up there. That MUST be where they hide all the disembodied heads. Or where they keep all the ordinary house cats. Either way. Also cobwebs. I mean I guess these things are kinda creepy in a Halloween decoration kind of way? More rooms, more ghastly visages like... SHEETS COVERING OLD FURNITURE. Finally someone comes to get them. It is either a ghost or the tour guide. I'll give you two guesses.

So after Otto the tour guide shows them out they hear spooky voices asking about the head. All the find however, is the creepy blond kid from the tour. His name is Seth and he is in town visiting. Also, he wants to show them some real ghosts. Turns out ghosts hate tours and only come out at night. Makes sense I guess. They all make plans to sneak out at night and meet up there to see some real good old fashioned specters.

The next night at midnight (the spookiest hour of the day) they all sneak out. Immediately Seth tries for a jump scare prank but for once in a Goosebumps book it doesn't work. Inside Seth assures them that it needs to be dark because ghosts don't like the light. I guess maybe it hurts their eyes? Do ghosts have eyes? Immediately they contradict this by getting some candles? So I guess ghosts are ok with like... mood lighting? Or maybe they only like candles because they are appropriate the the time period they were alive in. I suppose electric like would freak me out too.

A new spooky tale is revealed in the kitchen. The dumbwaiter, it seems, is HAUNTED! The chef would put food on it in ye olden times the cook would put food on it and try to send it upstairs but when it arrived the food would be gone. Now my first thought would be that it is malfunctioning or maybe their are rats or raccoon in the house or something but nope it's definitely gotta be ghosts. Everyone knows ghosts are hungry all the time. Like Slimer from Ghostbusters. A creepier story for the dumbwaiter is that some kid was showing off using it for an elevator and when it came back he was gone. All that remained were three bowls containing various organs of his. Which is pretty gross.

For more immediate concerns though we look to Seth who has locked in our protagonists. Did I say Seth? Actually, he is now saying his name is Andrew. But... isn't Andrew the name of the ghost. It sure is. Stephanie points out the obvious. Andrew is missing a head and this kid has a head therefor, not Andrew. He explains that he actually borrowed this head. Sadly, he has to return it. He has a new head to borrow in mind though. Duane's. He needn't worry though. It will be returned when Andrew finds his own head! Well that's nice and considerate.

I guess Duane isn't down with this plan. The twin terrors scramble away and in the tussle reveal a hidden passage. Try try to escape via ladder but the wall it is on breaks away. This reveals yet another hidden area. A room. A room containing a ghost head. Andrew's ghost head. And then another ghost shows up. This ghost has no head. So the NEW ghost is Andrew, who turns out to just be pretty glad to have his head back and then part this earthly existence. So who is Seth then? Conveniently Otto the tour guide shows up. Or, as Seth calls him, UNCLE Otto. Apparently this isn't the firs time Seth has pretended to be a ghost. Wacky kids!

After all this Duane and Stephanie decide to lay off the spooky stuff. Of course they just can't totally stay away. After a while they return to the house for the tour for old time's sake. Otto was glad to show them around another time. When finished some police officers come to see what the kids were doing at that old house. The kids tell them they were taking a tour. How can that be, the officers wonder. There haven't been any tours in that house for months. It's been abandoned for awhile. Scoping it out, the kids see the ghosts of tour guides Otto and Edna. That's the spooktastic ending.

What I Thought

36 Goosebumps came before this one. We are in a little bit of a rut at this point. The formula for these books is pretty clear, and he's sticking to it. The books that stand out at this point, have to have some unique aspect. That is usually in what monster appears. A ghost in a haunted house just isn't that creative at this point. So while the book is as solid as a Goosebumps book can be, does the one with some ghosts in it really stand out among the living dummies, lawn gnomes, monster bloods, and haunted masks? Not really.

So what things does this have going for it? Well it has kids who love scaring kids in turn getting spooked. I believe that's call comeuppance and that is good stuff to read about. A tour of a haunted house is interesting. Usually when you have a haunted house in these things it's one that a family unwittingly moved into or one that has been abandoned. Having one so notoriously haunted that it has a tour but without ever having any actual evidence of ghosts until some kids go snooping. That's fun.

I can't help feeling he could have taken things in a more unique direction though. It's pretty much what you would expect out of a book called The Headless Ghost. He could have turned it on it's head (no pun intended) a little bit. Get a little bit unexpected. He loves his twists, but the "it was ghosts the whole time" is pretty meh.

Overall, this book is perfectly acceptable but not exceptional. If you love ghosts over other types of scary things, perhaps you'll really dig this one. Otherwise, it's just a pretty ok book in a very very long series of other ones.

Rating: 2 and 1/2 heads out of 5

What's Next?

I don't know! The next book of the original series is The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena. But frankly I'd like to do something different. What? I don't know. There are a fair amount of options. I have several books for other series in Goosebumps. Any thoughts? Leave a comment on what Goosebumps stuff you'd like me to review next. Until then, thanks for reading, and catch ya next time.

Goosebumps #36 - The Haunted Mask II

Judging a Book by its Cover

First things first. I am pretty sure I hinted or perhaps outright said I was going to do a Give Yourself Goosebumps book for Halloween as I often do. However, after awhile of thinking I realized that I had just read a Shocker on Shock Street was The Haunted Mask II. I remembered that this book takes place on Halloween. What better book to read now? It would feel kinda silly reading a book based on Halloween for Thanksgiving. So here we are.

The cover of my original copy from the 90s features a kid in a hideous green mask. It is a different mask from the first book. I think the illustration is better too. It's more detailed. Instead of just a girl with a mask standing in front of a color gradient we have this trick or treater with bag in hand going up the stairs next to a Jack-o-Lantern. It evokes strong feelings of Halloween. It's got kind of an unsettling angle that these covers often do, making sure the mask is front and center. Also I think two tone border colors fit the book very well. I am not sure if the artist got to pick what the colors for the border are or if they are random, but they work really well on this. The blue and orange matching colors in the picture, his jeans, his shirt, etc.  The tagline "new face old nightmare" confirms that this is indeed a new mask.

But the cover of my original book isn't the only cover art that exists. You may have seen my update "Covering Covers" where I showed some of the alternate art around the world for Welcome to Dead House. I decided maybe in my book reviews I should show some of the alternate art. Today we shall look at France's covers. Yes plural. France had 2 different illustrations for different versions of the cover. Shall we see #1?

Oh my. Well unlike the American cover this is far more... uhh, I hesitate to say realistic. Less cartoony? Lets go for that. It's certainly not realistic. The spider, the wound, all come across as silly instead of scary. Which is weird because you would think the cartoonier American art would feel more silly... but somehow it doesn't. Also what is with that smirk? It doesn't come across like an evil grin. It is like the model smirking at how shitty he knows the cover sucks. Lets see if the second cover fairs any better...

Oh my, not an improvement. The mask is certainly far more silly than it is scary. It looks like he is more frightened of the girl than she is of him! And they've been sitting there having a staring contest long enough to have a spider build a web between them. I'm sorry guys, you have not won me over. Still team America here.

Now, on to the book!

Getting Goosebumps

You may remember that the original Haunted Mask starred a young girl named Carly Beth. Well this time around the sequel stars her friend (or least a bothersome compatriot) named Steve Boswell. He was present in the previous book but was not the focus.

So it's about a year from last time. Steve is now the coach of a 1st grade soccer team. You may think he is a fine upstanding young man to volunteer to do such a thing. In reality it was punishment for releasing a squirrel in the school gym. His friend Chuck talked him into it but got let out of coaching the team by claiming he had an after school job. Who is hiring 12 year olds? Is that even legal? Anyway, soccer team. They are the hogs and they are terrible. Not terrible at soccer, just terrible in general. Well probably at soccer too but mostly they are just pains in the ass. Because they are kids and all kids are terrible. Like all kids they live to make older people's lives miserable. That older person is Steve. Want to know how evil they are? They painted a big hunk of concrete to look like a soccer ball and convinced Steve to kick it. He did. It hurt. Apparently he didn't kick it as hard as he claims though because he didn't break any toes. How first graders were clever enough to come up with this and strong enough to carry a soccer ball sized hunk of concrete I don't know. They were fueled by their little person evil. Here is the thing. That's not even the only thing they did to him that day, they also glued feathers to all his school books in his backpack.

Steve wants revenge. I am with you Steve. You swear vengeance on those twerps. Spitballing with Chuck for the perfect means of getting back at the kids they come upon Carly Beth from the first book. Then Steve has the perfect idea. If he had a mask like Carly Beth had a year ago he could scare the crap out of those rugrats. I am not sure if it ranks up there with "getting a guy to almost brake his foot on concrete" but I suppose it will do. They used to try to scare Carly Beth all the time but after the fiasco with the mask, no more. Chuck decides that it might be a good time to bring back the old tradition. It was not to be, however. The spookers became the spookees. When they tried to scare her HER HEAD FUCKING FELL OFF. Her friend Sabrina screamed and screamed. Carly Beth just laughed. With her real head. Because the one that fell off was fake. Duh. Sabrina joined in the laughter after her performance. There is no scaring Carly Beth these days. Anyway after the scaring the get down to business. Steve wants to know where she got the mask. Carly Beth isn't gonna tell. For good reason too, if you remember the last book. It came alive and took control, giving her orders and terrorizing her more than anyone else. Steve wont take no for an answer and kidnaps her head. Her mom made that, thus Carly Beth needs it back. In the end she relents and tells him.

The next day Steve has to deal horrors, not of haunted masks as Carly Beth warned, but of life's one true terror: little kids. Back to Hogs practice. They are still animals. He wore his best blue sweater for school picture day. The hooligans tripped him in mud and got it messy as shit. After practice Chuck comments that he looks like a mud monster. Sorry Chuck, the mud monsters are in Goosebumps #15 You Can't Scare Me.

At home he cleans up and changes into a Georgetown Hoyas shirt. He comments on how he has no idea about the team but likes the shirt. I get that. My aunt used to always give me Notre Dame Fighting Irish stuff, and I liked it but had no idea about the team. This shit happens when you're a kid I guess. It's like people who wear Nirvana t-shirts but have no idea who sang Smells Like Teen Spirit.

I digress. To the Party Place to get a totally not haunted mask. Just one problem, it's closed. Not closed for the day either, closed for good. This is nothing that a little breaking and entering can't solve. They go into the basement and find all the merchandise boxed up. They find the masks in a box all spooky and gross as ever. Unfortunately the owner of that box isn't too keen on thieves. Chuck runs away like a true friend leaving Steve alone to face the music. The owner is a strange man who refuses to sell a mask asserting that they are "too real." He also threatens to call the police which is a totally reasonable thing to do when hooligans break into your store. Not content with one crime, Steve decides to rob the strange caped owner and runs away in a hurry with the mask of a creepy old man hidden beneath his shirt. He doesn't even tell Chuck about it. No doubt it will be quite the surprise on Halloween.

He was home free. Literally, at home. His parents were a bit upset he was late for dinner but he manages to run upstairs with mask hidden. Safely in his room he admires the mask and all it's grotesqueity. A big evil grin with a single gross tooth. Long nose dripping ooze. Scabs. Missing skin. Forehead bone. Spider infested hair. This mask is PERFECT. Steve goes to try it on but mom calls him down to dinner. Later. He can try it on later.

Next day, the day before Halloween, soccer practice continues on as horrible as usual. The Hogs are monsters. Almost. But Steve will show them what a real monster is like. He unfolds his plan by offering to take them all out trick or treating with him as a team celebration. The kids take the bait.

The next chapter begins with a false scare where the mask had moved of its own volition except then Steve remembered that he moved it earlier. Oh well. They can all be winning scares. Steve decides to practice his scaring for Halloween by putting on the mask and spooking Chuck today. He slides on the creepy mask and it tightens on his face. Plus it smells terrible. He tries remove it but it won't budge. Then he notices he feels really weak and... old. The mirrors reflection shows the mask is truly terrifying but not only that, the lips seem to move with his. He practices a creepy cackle, but it comes out in the voice of a withered old man. His dog Sparky doesn't care for the transformation and bites at him. He tries to pet his pooch but scares the beast off. He tries in vain to remove the mask. No doing. It's not coming off.

Mom calls up to Steve but his raspy voice can't reach her. She decides to come up stairs. A logical kid might think gee, this is great, now she can help. Not Steve though, he doesn't want her to know. She just wanted to give him some delicious black and white cookies she bought specially just for him. He tells her he is sick and just wants to stay in his room for now. She believes him and doesn't even go in to check on him.

Steve decides his salvation is with Carly Beth. She had one of these masks and got it off. She warned him what would happen if he got one. He dials her up on the phone but her dad assumes it's a prank call when he hears the croaking old man voice the mask has given him. He must have fallen asleep at his desk because some time later his dad calls him to dinner. Steve explains that he must be getting sick and just wants to nap.

Thankfully the next morning he wakes up in bed to beautiful weather and sunshine. He feels his face and discovers no mask, just his own face. It was all just a dream. A terrible dream. And it's over now. Actually the notion that it was all a dream was a dream. The mask is real. This time truly awake he feels the disgusting mask on his face. Bummer. There is a note from his parents that they went to go visit his Aunt Helen. So wait, they just left a kid that was sick all night and didn't eat dinner alone unchecked and ditched him? Parents of the year right there.

It's time to make the best of it. There is no reason he can't scare those bratty kids BEFORE getting help from Carly beth is there? His parents come back at night expecting to help him with his usual hobo costume. His dad is delighted at how scary his mask is. Mom is just grossed out. They take some pictures and he is off. Off very very slowly. His now age ravaged body aches as he shuffles along.

Eventually he manages to get there and see his soccer team dressed up as ninja turtles and power rangers. Aw the 90s, was there a better era for Halloween costumes? Now is his big chance to scare them. He shows themselves and those little bastards are filled with... pity? They just see a tired old man and try to help him out. Ok come on, no first grader would do that. They would look at him and be like "WHY ARE YOU SO OLD?!?!" Frustrated he raises his cane which only makes him fall over and increase their pity. They ask him if he needs to be somewhere. He has them take him to Carly Beth's house.

The little rascals manage to get him there. Carly Beth is in her duck costume she wears every year except for last years infamous mask. Carly Beth also only seems him as a disgusting old man and begs him to leave her alone. After much convincing she realizes he got a haunted mask of his own. She brings him in and explains the backstory of the mask. The creepy caped party store salesmen made them but something went horribly wrong. The faces are actually alive. They are known as the unloved. Thus the only way to remove them is with a powerful symbol of love. Carly Beth used the replica of her head her mother made her last year to remove hers. Steve must find his own symbol.

Time for Steve to go home with Carly Beth and find his own symbol of love. Steve decided those yummy black and white cookies his mom bought just for him was a symbol of love. Yeah, painstakingly recreating your daughters face with hours of work and dropping by the bakery are totally the same level of love. Doesn't matter anyway because the dog Sparky at them. Lets hope there wasn't too much chocolate in that frosting or old Sparky is gonna be awfully sick. Carly Beth decides Sparky himself is a symbol of love. Sure why not. He loved him so much he ate his cookies. The dog runs around hard to catch before he leaps into Steve's arms so he can bring him to his face.

It didn't work. They decide there is nothing left to do but go back to the Party Store. they look through the boxes seeing if there is anything to help them. Carly Beth finds a suit crawling with spiders. It looks like it fits right along with Steve's mask. To demonstrate she holds it up to him. His face feels like it's on fire. The mask lifted itself off of his face and connects with the suit which begins thrashing around. The old man found his body at last! She shuffles off into the night as Steve erupts with glee at having his own face back. Then they see a ghoulish figure with fiery red eyes and jagged broken teeth! It's Chuck and he snuck away with a mask of his own during their break in. Now he is just having trouble getting it off...

What I Thought

First of all, I like the premise of the book. I enjoyed the first Haunted Mask and I think by keeping it with the same group of kids but moving the main protagonist from Carly Beth to Steve was smart. It wouldn't have made sense for Carly Beth to get another haunted mask. She learned her lesson. Time for someone else to learn theirs.

Another thing that I like is it kinda changed things up from the first one in regards to the scares. Carly Beth originally wanted to scare the pants off everyone, and succeeded. Too well even. Steve's old man mask grosses some people out but he doesn't get much scaring done. The terrible 1st graders feeling pity on old man Steve was great. His plans totally blew up in his face.

Though the solution was a little bit weird, I also appreciated that they didn't use a symbol of love to get it off this time. You can't have the same solution twice. Now of course the resolution they used was odd and kind of out of nowhere, but I think it worked. It also seemed like it could have paved the way for another sequel that didn't really happen. There is another Haunted Mask book in another series of Goosebumps but it isn't Part 3.

There are maybe a couple inconsistencies between this and the first one. One example, Carly Beth was able to remove her mask once before it became stuck to her face. The owner warned her if she put it on a third time it would never be able to be removed. This doesn't seem to be the case with Steve's mask. Maybe it's just because it's another mask?

Overall there isn't a lot to complain about in this book. Sure there is inattentive parenting. That tends to happen. Also I do wish those bratty 1st graders got what was coming to them. That is just kind of a personal wish though. Damn kids. I admit it wouldn't have been as good for the story. Maybe if someone else scared them? Like Chuck or Carly Beth? Or maybe one of the kids could have followed them to the store and put on a mask without them knowing instead of Chuck having the mask as the end? Just a thought.

Basically I think the Haunted Mask was one of the goto classics of Goosebumps and I think this book is a very fitting followup to that. It itself is one of the better books in the original series and is worth giving a read, especially around Halloween.

Rating: 4 out of 5 masks

Up Next

First of all, Happy Halloween. I hope you enjoyed this review and had a festive day. As for what I'm planning for my next update? First I'd like to do another Covering Covers and show off some more of those weird foreign alternate illustrations.  I meant to do one this month but my Scary Stories to Read in the Dark ended up taking a lot of time. After that I'm unsure of what to do. I could read the next story in the series which is The Headless Ghost. I also could do the Give Yourself Goosebumps review I was planning for today. Tough call. Feel free to let me know what you think in the comments below. As always, thanks for reading and I'll catch you next time.

Goosebumps #35 A Shocker on Shock Street

Judging a Book by It's Cover

At first glance it seems this book is about a giant praying mantis wrecking up a town. When you look a little bit closer you see that the mantis is metallic. So why is there a giant metal mantis? Is it some kind of alien race? Did a mad scientist build a robot for revenge? Did a regular giant mantis fall into a giant puddle of molten metal? Also, who names a city street "Shock Street?"

According to the tagline Shock Street is a "real dead end." Get it? Like literally dead, because you will die on that street. It actually works as a pun. Good job. The back tagline is "talk about shock treatment!" I assume because the monsters will give you a figurative shock rather than a literal electric shock. Though they do seem to be robot bugs. Genuine shocks could be in store. Who knows. Lets find out.

Getting Goosebumps

We begin with best friends Erin and Marty being scared witless by a wolf headed crab monster. A crab monster with a wolf head? I am imagining what that looks like and it seems really really stupid. Like isn't the dangerous part of a huge crab monster the claws? What good is a wolf head without the mobility of a wolf? Crabs just kind of scuttle around. Oh hell, whatever. The wolf crab is on a movie screen. They are watching a horror movie. It's Shocker on Shock Street VI. The cinematic masterpiece ends with the wolf crab being boiled alive and the citizens dining like kids. I expect it to sweep the Oscars. Erin's dad works with "movie people" and got them tickets to an advanced screening. While they talk about how great the special effects are they ponder what it would be like if they monsters they saw were real. Then they walked into the wolf crab monster! He of course turns out to be a guy in a costume. Chapter 3 and already someone tried to scream but no sound could come out. I should keep track of the earliest instance of this Goosebumps trope.

Up they go to dad's office. He has a sweet job designing rad theme parks. His office is filled with toys and awesome stuff. He is basically the coolest. Unfortunately he has bad news. Very bad news. The bad news is that he tricked you! Heeeyoooo what a kidder. He actually has supremely good news. He's been designing Shocker Studio's tour and the kids get to go on a test run of it. In their excitement Erin asks if mom can come too. Dad seems perplexed and a little concerned by this question. It's decided they should go alone. Not even dad is going with. They are slightly dismayed to learn they have to stay on the tram and all times so they can't go walking around on Shock Street. Mostly though they are psyched. What kid wouldn't be? They are even armed with Shocker Stun Ray Blasters which seems like 1 word too many for the weapons. Apparently they can freeze monsters at up to 20 feet. So they don't even have the range of a Super Soaker? Lame! They are effective though, Linda who handed them out fumbled with one and shot herself, freezing up instantly. Oh wait, she was joking. Isn't any mother fucker in Goosebumps capable of not kidding around?

Onto the automated tram they go. First stop, the Haunted House of Horror. That sounds both super generic and also a little redundant. It seems pretty much like a regular haunted house. Skeletons, jumpscares, general spookiness. Erin is already getting freaked out but Marty thinks it's pretty funny. The lights go out. Marty Disappears, except not really. Some kind of special effects or something? That doesn't really make sense to me. Oh well. The tram turned into more of a rollercoaster zipping around the house in darkness. The tram goes out of control and they bounce around the seats flopping all over. Marty thinks it's great. Marty is an idiot.

They burst outside coming to a stop between two bushes. Then the monsters come out. Luckily, they are just there to sign autographs. Autographs aren't very scary. Still who doesn't want an autograph from "Ape Face" or "the Toadinator." I better not see those autographs on E-Bay, kids!

Next stop, Cave of the Living Creeps! Erin is worried there will be bats. She should have been worried about the bunches of foot long worms that fall all over them. Are those real worms? PETA is
gonna be pissed! Next they are covered in spiders. Is this a studio tour or an episode of Fear Factor? Won't get get expensive to keep buying tons of spiders and worms to dump on people?

Finally the tram comes to a stop and then... nothing. While pondering what the deal is, Marty spooks Erin by disappearing again, this time merely stepping off the tram onto the cave floor. Dad said stay in the tram at all times. This can't be good. It could start back up any moment now! It doesn't though and they decide to walk and find help.

So at this point are you confused as to why the cover of the book has a giant metal mantis on it? Well just then a giant metal mantis shows up. Two actually. They try to go back to the tram now that the spooking seems to have resumed but their exit is cut off by the bugs. Two more mantises appear. One of them headbutts Erin. You would think a headbut from a 16 foot tall robot bug would hurt more than Erin lets on. They're surrounded and the mantises are spitting super hot black goo at them. They consider using the stun guns but realize they are still in the tram. They decide to deal with them the way you deal with real bugs, by stepping on them. A stomp to the toes makes them reel back and allows them to make a break for it. Why would you program robot bugs to feel pain? And if they aren't robots, they are still metal. Surely a meager stomping wouldn't hurt?

Thankfully they finally get outside. But wait, one of the mantises is eating Marty. April fools. Seriously? Fuck you Marty. Now is no time to be joking around. Also "April fools" is a dumb line. Come up with something clever kid. After some consideration as to whether or not the whole ride has gone haywire they realize they are on Shock Street. THE Shock Street. Soon they find the cemetery from the movie Cemetary on Shock Street. Marty wants to see it. Erin has a bad feeling about this. Bullheaded Marty wins. He openes up the gate, takes a few steps, and falls straight into an open grave. Serves him right. Erin should just leave his ass there. She is a better person than I am though. She checks on him and the moron thinks falling into an open grave is super cool. They examine their surroundings and find spooooky gravestone names like, "Jim Socks" and "Ben Dover." Classic.

Suddenly hands shoot up from the ground. Voices beckon them to come down. They grab at them but Erin breaks free. Marty is not so lucky. Thankfully once again Erin proves she is a good friend and doesn't ditch him. Then heads start rising up from the ground. The zombie hordes are enough to finally scare Marty and they book it on out of there.

Running for their lives they find an unfamiliar mansion. Unfortunately it is not their salvation it is their doom. They sink into the ground. Mud covers them and they nearly abandon hope but they are rescued. Who is their savior? Dad? No of course not, it's Wolf Girl and Wolf Boy. It seems their rescuers are more interested in scaring and possibly eating them though. Erin has had enough of their shenanigans. She goes to rip off their masks but discovers only real fur and real flesh. They climb a wall to get out of reach but that won't keep them at bay for long. Erin takes out Marty's ray gun. Because I am terrible at what I do I neglected to mention that while escaping the mantises they grabbed their guns. Sadly it proves to be utterly useless.

But wait! What's that? The tram is coming back! They run to the vehicle as fast as they can, motivated I assume by sheer terror. They manage to catch up to it, saved at last! Except Marty falls over his own fucking feet and then trips up Erin. I told her to leave his ass behind! But you didn't listen to me, did you book? Up fast Erin  manages to catch it again and jump in. Marty is behind her but manages to do the same after a while. How did the Wolf People not catch them? Are they slow as shit? They are supposed to be unequaled killing machines! I am disappointed. Two kids can catch up to a tram but Wolf People can't? For shame.

It is then they realize they aren't alone on the ride anymore. Dad said they would be the only passengers but it looks like the tram made a detour and picked up some skeletons. Also the tram seems to be going the wrong way. Also the tram is now going too fast for them to jump out. Also the tram is going to smash into a wall. They jump after all. Wait, they said it was going to fast to do that. And they said it picked up even  more speed after they decided that. Well either way they jumped and the tram went THROUGH the wall somehow, and everything seemed to be fine for it. Holograms perhaps? They go up to the wall to check but it is totally solid. Confused and frightened, Marty wants an explanation. Erin just wants to get the fuck out.

Lost they wind up back on Shock Street. Strange wisps of smoke with eerie faces start popping up all over. Unable to take it anymore Erin freezes up totally. Thankfully their scene is over? Huh? Russ Denver movie director explains that it is all special effects. Really her dad should have told them in his opinion. He directs them to where dad is, in Shockro's House of Shocks. They are a bit worried they'll get shocked, like in the movie, but he puts their minds at ease. He turns away to go about his business and Erin notices a power cord plugged into him. He's a robot! And not even a good robot, he needs an external power source! And Marty entering Shockro's House! Exclamation point! She tries to save him but in a flash he is laid out on the floor. Too late!

Unable to save her best friend she realizes quickly she is not alone. Dad is here. He is confused why the kids are also in the building. She tries to explain quickly how everything has gone wrong. As she looks closer, she realizes it isn't her father after all. She can't function anymore. She has a complete system failure. Literally. Because she is a robot. Yup. Mr. Stine you've done it again! "Dad," has a conversation about the two kid robots malfunctioning. Such a shame because all the monster robots were working perfectly. Oh well, with some repairs they'll be good as new in no time.

What I Thought.

Oooooh boy, what a ride. Literally. Get it, cause the book was about a ride? Anyway this story reminded me in some ways of HorrorLand. Obviously because it involves rides, a studio tour instead of a theme park this time but they are a little interchangeable. This comparison is good, because I think this sort of book works well. You have a good excuse to throw in several different types of scares. It also works to take something that is purposely scary but turn it up a notch when the fake frights prove to be real.

The premise of the kids being movie fanatics and getting to experience things first hand goes over well. I think Stine misses opportunities on this though, as they should be able to get themselves out of some trouble based on their previous movie knowledge. For example, to get away from the giant mantises they decide to stomp on them because they are bugs. This is stupid logic that only flies in a Goosebumps book. I think it would be more clever if they thought back to how the movie monsters were defeated in their movies, and tried it out for themselves. At least once. You could even subvert the trope and have them try it only to fail.

So the plot. It's very "on rails." Almost literally, though the tram has been described as railless. The plot is literally that all these events in a tour are happening to them. It's like you're experiencing the ride for yourself. I don't think this kind of plot would work if repeated too often in the series, but I think it does it's job here. Frankly the plots of these books are never outstanding, so having it just be a sequence of scares that happen one after the other doesn't hurt.

Of course there is the twist ending. Now some twist endings make me groan. This one make me chuckle and say to myself "Stine you son of a bitch!" I think the kids turning out to be robots actually kinda works. Of course it doesn't bare a whole lot of scrutiny. When you think about it you're like, "well why would they need to program robotic kids just to test a ride?" When it gets right down to it it actually doesn't make any sense at all. But I'll allow it this time. It's ridiculous in a way that entertains. He did drop a couple of stupid hints early on. First he described the kids as both looking extremely similar even though they weren't related. Also, Erinbot mentioned her mother and "dad" got confused but at the end he mentioned he should have realized they were malfunction then since obviously the robots have no mother.

Now I like to talk about how I'd try to fix these books, but besides the little details  I've already mentioned I don't know that there is much I'd do. I think it works for what it is. It's the most enjoyable Goosebumps I've read in quite awhile.

Rating: 4 movie monsters out of 5

Up Next

It's October! Scientists have proved that October is the spookiest month of the year. Because of that I am HOPING to get out 3 new updates to my site this month. Two special book reviews and another entry looking at alternate cover art. I can't guarantee it, but I'll try my darnedest. Until next time.