Goosebumps SlappyWorld #8 - The Dummy Meets the Mummy!

   Back from the Dead

     Hey there. It's been about 4 years since my last actual review post. I think basically what happened is because I was taking so long to write each entry it felt more like a chore than a fun hobby, because I could read the books so quickly, but write about them so slowly. This is an experimental entry. I'm going to be much more brief. I think it's my only way forward. I hope you enjoy it anyway if you are still around reading this. 

 

Getting Goosebumps

    So this book starts out with a laugh filled intro by none other than Slappy the Dummy himself. He has a lot of bad jokes and a lot of "hahaha" ended sentences. It does set the stage I guess.

    Then we are whisked away to Egypt. A man of science is off to unearth the tomb of a would be prince who died some 5000 years ago. The tomb is rumored to be cursed. Is it actually cursed though? Yes. After reading some words on the tomb the mummy immediately rises and literally rips the scientists mustache off. It's actually quite gruesome for a Goosebumps book. His face is ripped up quite badly, and while he is recuperating we find out that he no longer has interest in dealing with the mummy. Can't imagine way. 

    Back to America. A young boy is delighted to be bringing a free ventriloquist dummy home. But there has to be some catch, right? Yes. That dummy is, of course, Slappy. He starts spouting off his evil jokes and vomiting pea soup. Dad valiantly vows to "get rid of him" after the words are read again, which originally brought him to life.

    The perspective shifts again. We are at Cathy O'Connor's dad's haunted museum. It just got a new mummy. You'll never guess where it came from! And he got a great deal on it! It just so happens to be cursed, and tried to kill them. But never fear, they read the cursed words again and it went back to sleep. It's fiiiiine.

    Oh also mysteriously a creepy dummy got left on the door step? It'll fit right in! The kids also say it came to life, but why would dad believe that. What are the odds a mummy AND a dummy would both be evil and come to life?

    Anyway, there is a school class sleepover at the museum that absolutely can't be cancelled because reasons. I am sure it will all be fine.

    Nevermind, it wasn't fine. The mummy came to life. It's trying to kill some kids. One of the kids brings Slappy to life to try to get him to stop the mummy. It doesn't work too well. Luckily they are armed with the surefire cure to a mummy infestation. Tickling. Yes. Tickling. Stupid? Yes. But apparently it worked. Meanwhile Slappy is put to rest by the reading of the magic words. Wait... were they the right words?

 

My Thoughts 

    Ok lets talk about it. This is the newest Goosebumps book I think I've ever read, published in 2019. I believe it's also the first SlappyWorld book I've read. The main difference seems to be splitting things up into parts with some different perspectives, including a few narrative check ins from Slappy himself.

    The tone of the book is largely the same as the Goosebumps I'm used to. That said, it was a little be more gruesome at the beginning, with a little bit of graphic maiming. It also  seemed to not include any talk of Slappy wanting to make people slaves. HAS GOOSEBUMPS GONE WOKE? (Kidding, I'm kidding.)

    It is a bit interesting at all this time later, Goosebumps seems largely unchanged. There have been countless new Slappy books but Slappy seems the same as ever. It is interesting that now his can be explained away and disbelieved by recorded voices and robotics. In the modern world that's plausible. And while there is something kind of nice about the same old same old, part of me kind of wonders if perhaps Goosebumps should have evolved more by now?  

    The mash up screams of classic movie monster crossovers. Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman, or even more Abbott and Castello meet Frankenstein.  If anything I wish they would have done more with the 2 different entities meeting up. The most interesting thing they could have played with more are how both are awakened and put to rest by magic words.

    One thing I notice reading these as an adult, is that a lot of time Slappy comes across more annoying than scary. Because he is a relatively small wooden doll, he is not physically scary. When he comes right out and in your face alive, it kind of negates the scariness. So much of the original fright was "is he alive, or isn't he? He is doing sneaky things and nobody believes me." Of course as the millionth Slappy book, I suppose you can't keep doing that. He's alive and people know he's alive. 

    My absolute least favorite aspect of the book is defeating the mummy with tickles. I know these are books for kids but couldn't they come up with literally ANY better conclusion. Maybe combining the magic words of both the mummy and the dummy will defeat them both? I don't know? Maybe they have to trick Slappy to stop the mummy? Maybe the mummy becomes Slappy's slave?

    There is a lot more they could have done with this, but it was silly good fun. Goosebumps are still Goosebumps, and there is something comforting about that.

 Rating: 2.5 bowls of gross pea soup 

 

 

What's up next?

    I don't know man! It's been 4 years since I've done one of these. I have no idea if anyone still even reads or can find this blog. I have no idea if people that do like my less in depth entries. I would, ideally, like to maybe do another one of these for Halloween. I might go back and dig out one of the original series ones I haven't read yet. I want to, at least, finish all the OG books I have in my possession, and, ideally, find the ones I'm missing and read those too. We shall see I guess. If you read this, please drop a comment, let me know, it genuinely would help me gauge whether I should bring this back. Thanks, and catch ya next time!

 

Don't Wake Mummy - 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps #23

Today I'll be reading "Don't Wake Mummy." Wordplay involving mummy/mommy has long been a staple of bad Halloween jokes the world over. Well the English speaking world anyway... Well... America at least. What I'm trying to say is that kids love that mommy and mummy sounds similar. Will there be both mommies and mummies in this story? Let's read on.

Jeff's dad is a curator at the local museum. That is why a mummy's sarcophagus is delivered to their house. It seems like it should go to the museum but apparently they are keeping in in the basement for now. Jeff's older sister Kim teases him for being scared. She convinces him to go down to the basement to see the coffin and then deviously locks him down there. What a jerk. He swears he hears the chains on the sarcophagus rattling and straining to be opened and he freaks out, understandable. When his triumphant sister finally lets him free the coffin is quiet. Did he imagine it all along?

That night Jeff swears he hears the thumping and clanking of the mummy walking around their house. His mom arrives to comfort him and assure him everything is fine. It must have been a dream. This event prompts Jeff to find out more about mummies. He tries to research to no avail. Wikipedia doesn't exist yet. Then he finds a strange mystical shop and tells the owner his problems. Finally Jeff gets what he needs: 20 dollars worth of mummy dust. Guaranteed to stop mummies in their tracks. Perfect.

Of course Jeff's sister still teases him, but he knows what is up. That mummy is really coming alive. That night it happens again. You'd think he'd be all ready for it with his mummy dust, but he fumbles with the pouch it is in. His mom apparently heard the commotion and busts in. The mummies has left, and then dad shows up too. He is finally ready to believe Jeff. There were stories that the other museum that had this mummy first wanted to get rid of it because it comes to life. Those stories must be true. Dad promptly locks the basement door with a heavy lock. The mummy won't be able to get them.

Meanwhile sister Kim is in the basement. Boy teasing her brother by dressing up as the mummy was hilarious! Except now the basement door is locked for some reason and she can't get out. Oh well, she can always sleep in the basement for the night. Hey, what is that thumping coming from the sarcophagus?

My Thoughts

This story came dangerously close to being decent. There are some flaws that kept it from getting there though. These flaws were not so much in plot, but in writing style. The basic premise though, works pretty well. Let's discuss it a litte.

First let's talk about what works. Mummy is a quality monster. The undead are always scary. Making it mysterious and foreign like an egyptian mummy adds pizazz. The full length Goosebumps story Curse of the Mummy's Tomb (and its sequel) are focused on going to Egypt to see mummies. This story takes the unique turn of bringing the mummy home. Who wouldn't be a little freaked out with a dead body in their basement? What kid wouldn't dare another to go peak on it? These aspects work. Heck, even the aspect of his sister being the culprit works. Almost.

So let's talk about the format. This story, like the large bulk of Goosebumps stories is told in the first story. Jeff is talking about what is happening. This works, and is fine. It is a decent format for a scary short story. The problem is that when it has to discuss what is happening to his sister in the basement it has to shift perspective to her. It does so abruptly and it is jarring. Yes it has text clues to let you in that the shift has happened, but it is jarring. It doesn't work. It's disappointing because I think if he could have found another way to do it, it would have worked. Maybe do the whole story in 3rd person, that way the shift is not so noticeable?  Or perhaps find a way for Jeff to be the one who is observing what happens to his sister. For example, he could hear her screaming in the basement, and then hear the mummy.  Or he could hear her pounding on the door, let her out, and then have the real mummy be following her. Just a couple ideas. 

So basically, this had potential, and ALMOST works. I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't get as hung up about the shift in perspective as I do but oh well... I'm writing the review and they're not.

Rating: 2 mummies out of 5

Tomorrow check back for my review of the story "I'm Telling." What person has never heard a kid utter that phrase. Some of you were probably kids who told your classmates that all the time. Narcs. 

Dr. Horror's House of Video - 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps #16

Stop! Collaborate and listen... I am back with a brand new edition... of my blog about Goosebumps. Today I'll be talking about the 16th of 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps. This story is called "Dr. Horror's House of Video." Back in ye olden days before Youtube and Netflix people who are old as dirt now used to get their media by going to a "store," and buying or renting "tapes" also known as "VHSes." There used to be a lot of these places. Some were big national chains like Blockbuster Video. Some were small local shops like the one I went to called 8th Street Video (even though it wasn't on 8th street.) Now I presume this story is going to be about a shop not unlike these, but perhaps purveying mostly in the horror genre. Am I right with this assumption? I hope so, otherwise I'm probably going to go back and rewrite this paragraph so you'll never know how wrong I was... Not let me read the dang story.

Things open with a giant plant monster rampaging. We quickly find out that is just a movie being watched by Ben Adams, 12 year old horror connoisseur. He is on a boring summer vacation with his parents without any friends or even other kids his age to play with. What else is there to do but watch the horror movies he loves?

Mom and dad are kind of sick of him being a couch potato. Mom takes him in to the city and what does he find but a movie store called Dr. Horror's House of Video. He'd soon find that this is no ordinary video store. Dr. Horror the owner makes his very own videos in the garage in back. They look pretty darn high quality too. The lizardman movie playing on the TV in the store is great! Unfortunately mom comes in and hauls him back home before he can see the ending.

Well later on Ben decides to shock his parents by going outside and riding his bike. Of course you know he's riding that back right on back to the video store. Sadly, it is closed but he could just sneak in and watch the rest of that video. I mean it's not like he's STEALING. He spends an hour in the store watching the movie, a timeless classic than ends with Lizardman eating a young lad, and the rest of the townsfolk for good measure. There is just one problem, he's locked in.

Ben spots a back door with weird sounds coming out of it. He knocks his way through it only to discover the actual Lizardman who grabs him. He is surrounding by a whole smorgasboard of monsters. Mummies! Vampires! Wolfmen! Amazing. This is where Dr. Horror shoots his videos, and man do the costumes they use look amazing. Most amazing of all though, is that Dr. Horror wants Ben to play the victim in the sequel to the Lizardman movie. Of course Ben says yes.

His part is pretty simple, he just has to get tied up and eaten. The first take goes bad because Ben is having too much fun to be scared. Then he realizes he should have makeup on too, I mean this is a movie. All the monsters make up is amazing. He reaches to take the Lizardman's mask off but it won't budge. The vampire ties him up tight. The mummy takes off his wrappings to show off his decaying flesh. You know... I think these monsters might be REAL. They move in for the kill, but Dr. Horror calls cut. Whew, things were getting out of hand. The director then fixes up Ben's hair and calls for the cameras to roll again... Wait.. WHAT?!?!

My Thoughts

There is a certain type of kid I think this would have especially appealed to. The kid who owned a camcorder and recorded his own low budget flicks. The kid who would grow up and a little older put stuff on youtube when it was first invented from a little handycam. You may not be/have been that kid, but you probably knew one. Maybe that kid even asked you to be in their movie. Maybe they didn't even have a camcorder but they still acted out movies without recording them.

Of course you didn't need to be this kid to enjoy it. I'm sure many more my age fondly remember going to the movie store, which was so much a different experience than going on netflix to pick a movie. You got to pick 1 movie, and that was it because that was how much money you had. That was it, you watched it, and maybe even watched it again if you loved it, and that was it until you got more allowance. Ah the good old days.

Beyond the nostalgia this story is kind of fun. While it focuses on the "not entirely classic" horror move villain of a lizardman, we have more classic ones like mummy and vampire in the back. These are what I would call "traditionally scary." They are familiar even to kids. The danger is pretty direct, they want to eat him. Fear of being eaten by a monster is pretty visceral. You just have the added layer of the monsters being assumed to be movie actors. Is that twist kind of predictable? Sure, but it works, and it makes enough sense in the story. It is not the kind of twist that drives me mad by how illogical it is.

All in all a solid entry. I am not sure it is the most memorable story out of the lot so far, but it stands out strong. It makes horror movies which already scary even more scary by the potential that they are real. Spoooooky.

Rating: 4 VHS tapes out of 5

Tomorrow's story is "The Cats Tale." I can almost guarantee that this cat will be black because someone decided black cats are scarier than normal cats. I don't know who decided this because the meanest cat I ever met was a fat orange tabby ironically named Buddy. That thing LIVED to bite little kids. Bastard. Anyway, check back for my next review tomorrow.

#23 Return of the Mummy

Judging a Book by its Cover

Didn't get enough mummy in Curse of the Mummy's Tomb? Well now we have a returned mummy. Where the previous book's cover had merely a mummy on the cover, this book coming out of the sarcophagus. I definitely had to use spell check to spell sarcophagus. It's not a word that pops up in day to day usage. Anyway, sarcophagi are pretty cool looking so it makes for a neat cover. We can only see the mummy's hands emerging... well that and some stink mist. Stink doesn't have a visual component but I guess you gotta get the concept of odor across somehow. I wonder how much a mummy stinks though... I mean I get dead bodies rot and smell but this dead bodies is thousands of years old. I bet it smells a little musty at worst. I doubt there is any flesh left to rot. Oh well, it makes for a good looking cover.

Also of note is the color scheme. So often the two tone Goosebumps' ooze logo seems just randomly pick but here the blue green goes around quite nicely with the blue toned background and striped sarcophagus. Man I am using the word sarcophagus more than I have in the past 10 years combined here in these few paragraphs!

Now there is a blurb for the Goosebumps Fan Club on the front. Often in the later books there would be blurbs for selling shit. I always wanted to join the fan club but never did. One of life's regrets. You got a hat, pen, autographed RL Stine poster and more for like 10 bucks. How could my mom never have under stood how much I needed that? Oh well. Are fan clubs even still a thing? I feel like the news letters and such that you get from them are now an online thing. I could be wrong about that though.

The taglines are disappointments. No puns. I like puns dammit. The front merely states that he's back from the dead which is pretty obvious from the title of the book and the cover illustration. The back says, "Dead... or alive?" And that is a trick question because it is both! Undead!

Enough about the cover. This was my favorite book growing up (if I remember correctly) and I want to get to reading. I am pretty sure this is a direct sequel with the same characters and everything. Though if memories serves right this isn't a return of THE mummy, as it is a different mummy than involved with the last  book. Speaking of the last book, if you need to get caught up here is my review of Curse of the Mummy's Tomb. Now onto Return of the Mummy!

Getting Goosebumps

As this is a direct sequel we have returning characters! Once again tween Gabe is going to visit his Uncle Ben (once again, not the rice guy) and his daughter Sari as they excavate another pyramid. It's a different pyramid this time so even though it is called Return of the Mummy it is a different mummy. Also despite the undead shenanigans of last time Gabe seems pretty psyched. He has his mummy hand trinket that he carries with him at all times. Last book it woke the mummies from the dead but he seems pretty unsure about it's abilities. Mostly it is just a good luck charm. While last time he went to Egypt with his parents, this time he is going alone to be with Uncle Ben because truly his parents can trust in the "almost lead our son to his early demise" antics of ol' Ben.

So Gabe arrives by plane and immediately is onto Uncle Ben's sense of humor. He is dressed up in robes with a thick accent looking to pick up Gabe in a cab. Nevermind, that's just an Egyptian cabby. Simple mistake to make right? The real Ben arrives with his daughter and immediately Sari and Gabe resume their rivalry. Gabe is slightly sympathetic towards her, however, as he realizes she rarely gets to see her dad due to his studies. Not overly sympathetic though because she is kind of a bitch.

Instead of staying at a hotel this time they are camping right at the dig site.After arriving at the pyramid and Gabe is startled to find a mummy risen from the dead out to get him. Already? Jesus this is only like chapter 3. Oh right, practical joke from their trickster uncle. What a hilarious joke to play on kids that were almost murdered in a tomb last time you saw em. I am sure that's not horribly traumatizing in the slightest. Turns out that was an actor, as the media is there to shoot a commercial. Uncle Ben isn't such a horrible bastard though. He gives his nephew the gift of a scarab trapped in amber. They are said to be good luck for some reason even though one bite from a living scarab would kill you. And now Gabe feels a pinch at his leg. Oh god he's gonna die this early in the book? Or it's yet another prank this time from Sari. Again these tricks would probably be funnier if they didn't almost die in the last book. Maybe I'm just uptight.

Anyway so this time around the tomb in question is believed to belong to Prince Khor-Ru the cousin of King Tut which makes this a pretty major discovery. That is, if it hasn't been pillaged by robbers over the centuries. This importance has caused interest from a beautiful pantsuit wearing reporter named Nila who interrupts the crew as they enter the pyramid. She wants to cover this story and since she is a looker and has supposedly talked with Uncle Ben's partner he allows her to accompany them. She admires Gabe's scarab necklace showing him her own amber necklace that is sadly scarabless.

Now you would think entering a pyramid with a group that all have lights would go somewhat smoothly but somehow almost immediately Gabe gets lost and tumbles into a pit with thousands of spiders. How are those good luck charms working out for you now Gabe? He fears he is also getting attacked by a snake but it's actually a rope to save him. After he shakes off the thousands of spiders he makes sure his mummy hand thingy survived the fall. Oddly Nila seems to recognize it as "The Summoner." While the others move on Gabe sees The Summoner's fingers move. Creepy! After this whole fiasco they give up because they "explored enough." Explored enough? you were in there for like 10 seconds for Gabe got his stupid ass covered in spiders!

Two days later they get back into the pyramid for some excavating. As they are working to open the tomb they hear a bellowing, "PLEASE LET ME REST IN PEACE!" but alas it still isn't a real mummy woken from the dead, it's just Dr. Fielding who is Uncle Ben's partner. He believes there is a curse on the tomb. Hieroglyphics say if you repeatean ancient Egyptian phrase 5 times you will wake Prince Khor-Ru and feel his wrath. As a man of science Ben isn't swayed and his partner refuses to witness it and leaves. After chiseling away at the entry they reveal the tomb full of splendorous... nothing. But there is a seal to another room. They chip away and finally enter that one revealing the real resting place of the Prince. It is filled with jewels, treasures, and a sarcophagus containing the prince's mummy. The celebration is short lived, however, because 4 police officers from Cairo show up. They were sent by Dr. Fielding who has apparently changed his mind about the find and just wants to "protect" it.

Later that night Nila cons Uncle Ben into telling her the words that supposedly wake the prince from the dead, "Teki Kahru Teki Kahra Teki Khari." So if you at home want to raise the dead, now you know. I think Ben just told her because he wants to get in her pants and what better way than revealing an ancient curse? He is one smooth operator. Since Gabe was present for the reveal too he decides to try and get back at Sari for all the pranks by reciting the curse for her. Doing so freaks her out, but I think it also scares him a bit as well. To further add to the scare Dr. Fielding busts in right after they finish the curse. He needs to see Sari's father urgently! Suspicious, the kids follow him and see him gruffly push Uncle Been into the pyramid and then leave abruptly past the kids without even acknowledging them. Weird.

Well the kids get some lights and enter the pyramid. The follow footprints to the tomb and see that the
sarcophagus is now closed. They open it revealing Ben inside. But if he is in there then where is the mummy? Alive and out to get them! And for real alive this time, none of this prank shit. Gabe's uncle is unconscious in the casket and the kids run into an empty room where they discover Nila. Instead of being a source of help she is the cause of the problem! She is not merely Nila but PRINCESS Nila, the mummy's sister and she stole Gabe's Summoner to raise her sibling from the dead. She tells the mummy to murder the children to eliminate the witnesses but in some sort of ancient sibling rivalry (or a desire to be left in peace) the mummy attacks Nila. In a chaotic panic Gabe accidentally rips off her amber pendant and drops to the floor. The princess disappears and a scarab scurries away in her place. Apparently through some magic kept herself alive all these years by turning into a scarab at night. Anyway I guess with his summoner a scarab or whatever, the mummy stops moving and Uncle Ben finally regains consciousness. Dr. Fielding returns with the police. Apparently he was a good guy after all and was just in a panic earlier.

Finally Gabe has the chance to brag to Sari since he saved the day. She, however, points out the Nila is still out there as a deadly scarab and she is probably out to get him. A moment later in bed Gabe screams, "OUCH!"

THE END.

What I Thought

I remember this book! Many times reading things I find it hard to fathom that I had ever read it before I remember nothing. Sometimes things come back to me as I was reading but this one I remembered a fair amount pretty early on. I didn't remember specifically that Nila was the mummy's sister but I did remember she was the bad guy. I have long remembered that this was my favorite Goosebumps book growing up and my actual memory of the plots seems to confirm it. I seem to remember having a mummy phase at some point in my life. I am not sure if this book caused it, or if I just liked this book because I read it during this phase.

So anyway, Goosebumps tend to be split between books that happen at home in every day life of a kid or books where kids go away to a location to get spooked. While the first option can be scary in it's own way I think I tend to find the latter more interesting. I've been at home, to school, etc. I have never been to a pyramid and reading about a kid going there is exciting! That isn't to say I wish all the Goosebumps were like this but perhaps that I tend to lead towards them.

Now I was worried rereading this. I didn't remember which mummy one I liked so much and the first book disappointed me. This one however I feel pretty favorably towards. I feel like it is just better written. There is more focus on one specific mummy which is good. Also Gabe doesn't summon it randomly like in the last book it's part of Nila's devious plan. And her plan isn't immediately obvious to the young. She seems like on of the "Good Guys" Pretty ladies don't have devious plans!

Of course this book has plenty of holes. It's a Goosebumps book! In true horror b-movie fashion it seems like the characters have all forgotten everything about the previous book. Gabe seems surprised his mummy hand summons mummies WHEN IT ALREADY SUMMONED MUMMIES. Also what's the deal with Nila? So she's like thousands of years old and just now happens to show up to revive her brother? Shouldn't she have known where he was buried this whole time? Couldn't she have tried this any other time during the past several thousand years? Also how did she not know the curse when it was written in the hieroglyphics? She should speak ancient Egyptian because she literally is an ancient Egyptian. I also don't completely understand why her brother attacked her. I guess he really just wanted to be left in peace, even by his sister? You think she woulda known about this.. But still, these are nitpicks in a series you can't really nitpick with. It's for kids. I am sure 8 year old me didn't think about this shit.

Really though, despite its flaws it may be my favorite Goosebumps book again. The setting is fun. The rivalry between cousins and the prankster uncle make for some decent false scares. It seems like it got into things quicker than the previous book. Also there is less ridiculous bullshit than the earlier one. I recall rolling my eyes a lot at Curse and not so much at Return. It's the rare sequel that improves the series.

Rating: 4 scarabs out of 5 (also did you know scarabs are a kind of dung beetle? DUNG!)

Next!

Phantom of the Auditorium. Presumably it will be based on Phantom of the Opera. A least very loosely based. I don't remember much about this book off the top of my head but I am pretty sure this was one of the first Goosebumps I read in 1 sitting. The idea of reading these books in one sitting now seems laughably easy but back in the day it took a little bit longer to get through. I plowed through it in one day however. I don't know why I remember that, but I do. So we shall see if any of the plot comes back to me as I'm reading it or if is entirely unfamiliar. Next time!

#5 Curse of the Mummy's Tomb

Judging a book by its cover:

It's a mummy.


... Did you want me to say more? I don't have much to go on, it's kind of a boring cover. I mean, the mummy picture is competent enough but it's not very fun or imaginative. The tagline on front is, "What will wake the dead?" Not this illustration, that's for sure. Maybe the back has a better tagline...

Something dead has been here...? Well of course something dead has been here, it's a freakin' tomb! Where are the stupid puns or plays on popular phrases that tend to grace these covers? A bit of a let down but maybe the book is better. I do remember one of the Goosebumps books about mummies being my favorite of the series, is this the one? Lets find out!

Getting Goosebumps

This book stars young Gabe who is one of the only main characters with a name I remember after reading it. This however, is mostly because Gabe is kind of a dumb name. Regardless, Gabe is in Egypt with his parents visiting his Uncle who is a scientist that studies the pyramids. I also remember the Uncle's name, because it is Ben. Uncle Ben, like the rice guy. Stine even goes out of his way to call him "Uncle Ben," at every opportunity. All I could think of is the rice guy. Anyway Uncle Ben also has a daughter named Sari that constantly competes with Gabe to be the most annoying character in the book. I don't know if there is a clear cut winner.

So one notable thing is that this is written in first person, like Welcome to Dead house was, but all the other books thus far have been third person. I had some qualms about the first book being written that way, but Stine did a much better job this time. It came across more as a young kids perspective, instead of a middle aged man trying to make a young kids perspective. Unfortunately it's also kind of whiny. In fact I wonder if I thought these kids were whiny at the time or it just seems that way now that I'm old and curmudgeonly. Who knows.

Anyway, Plot! So Gabe is here with his parents in Egypt but they have to leave to do... something. This is a common occurrence in Goosebumps but it is more interesting here because he is in an exotic location. Good old Uncle Ben is recruited to serve him rice watch him. Despite being a serious scientist he is also a jokester. Our first meeting of him is when he and his daughter burst into the hotel room Gabe is alone in, dressed as mummies. It scared the bejeezus out of him, but his uncle and cousin found it hilarious. It was kind of a fitting scare because Gabe is way into mummies. In fact he has a mummified hand he found at a garage sale back home. I am not sure I want to know what sort of neighborhood he lives in that you can find goods like that at garage sales.

Well if Uncle Ben is gonna watch this young fella he might as well bring him into this immense unexplored totally not dangerous pyramid he is researching. Nothing bad could happen there! Besides the creepy silent Egyptian dude Ahmed is there to keep them all safe by warning them about a terrible curse. Excellent! Naturally the kids wander off and get in trouble. Those rascals. The whole time Sari tries to drown out Gabe's whininess with her own brattiness. The next day they have to stay at the hotel, which seems reasonable. Do they do it? Nah, they are smart kids they can totally handle themselves in a foreign country that speaks a language they don't know. They wander off to the museum which they browse for awhile before Ahmed the creepy scientist dude shows up and tells them their dad wants them back to the hotel and even though it isn't only a couple blocks away he insists on driving them there. They soon realize he is driving AWAY from the hotel. Fearing he is kidnapping them they run away.

I've been surrounded by mummies myself...

Dad is kind of confused by this, and also worried that two of his workers are dreadly ill. Could the curse be real? Better take the kids back to the pyramid to find out! But this time he has a fool proof plan to keep track of them... Beepers! This foolproof plan is foiled by the fact that he and Sari totally ditch Gabe almost immediately after entering the pyramid and Gabe is too much of a putz to use the beeper so instead he wanders off and falls into a chamber where he is surrounded by mummies. Mummies everywhere! Some are standing up, some are laying down, or propped up against a table. Kind of a weird way to spend eternity isn't it? Amazing accidental find by Gabe! Too bad he is getting swarmed by bugs. In his stumbling around he finds Sari who scolds him because she is sort of a bitch, and is just as lost as he is. Then comes Ahmed the creepy scientist attempted kidnapper. Turns out the curse he speaks of is real, because he is the one who carries it out. He is descended from the line of a 4000 year old priestess who swore that anyone who defiled her tomb should be cursed. Cursed of course means murdered. Ahmed wants to turn them into mummies while they are still alive.

Good news! Uncle Ben shows up. Bad news! Uncle Ben is a pussy. He gets knocked out and they are thrown into sarcophaguses. Sarcophagi? Anyway, turns out Egyptians put escape hatches on them so their souls can escape. I'm no Egyptian expert so I have no idea if that is BS or not, but one would think Ahmed the ancient Egyptian scientist woulda known this. Since he didn't, they escaped! Almost! Ahmed finds them, and is about to hand Uncle Ben's ass to him again when Gabe decides to do some ridiculous bullshit. For literally no reason what-so-ever he pulls out that mummy hand trinket and holds it above his head while spinning around. He even admits he has no idea why he did it. So what did that do? Well it woke up all the freaking mummy's because that just happened to be the hand of the 4000 year old priestess. Of course. Well they chase off Ahmed and then go back to their eternal slumber. They all celebrate by going back to the hotel and eating scrambled eggs. Then Gabe's parents show up. The end.



What did I think of it?

Well if this really was my favorite Goosebumps book back in the day I'm not entirely sure why. I mean it wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great. The fact that it was in an exotic location like Egypt was kind of fun, and this attempt at a first person narrative was more successful than the previous but it was bogged down by several things.

First off, I can't help but feel that even back in the day I would have felt like these kids were overly bratty. I could see kids kind of identifying with Gabe though. Despite the fact that he is kind of a brat himself the way he sort of despises the snobby brat-like qualities of Sari seems familiar.  I know I had some bratty cousins I loathed having to spend time with. Of course if one of my cousins is reading this, it was totally not you, it was one of my other cousins!

Also, when I told my friend I was going to reread all my Goosebumps book he told me to get used to hearing the phrase, "I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came out." I half-way remember this, and silent screaming has already appeared the books but this is the first time it appeared that way basically verbatim, and twice. If you can't find new ways to phrase it maybe you should stop using it? I have the feeling it is just the beginning of that phrase though.

The ending was pretty disappointing as well. I thought I was going to like it more because it started wrapping up far earlier than previous novels so I thought it would be a little more coherent and less out of the blue. Then Gabe ripped out that stupid mummy hand for no god damn reason and I groaned. That ending wouldn't have bugged me as much if there were actual allusions to it, but it was just out of nowhere. It simply existed as a device to wrap shit up.

Plus: Uncle Ben. Why'd he have to be called Uncle Ben. And Always Uncle Ben too, never just Ben, or Uncle. Uncle Ben. Every single time I thought of the rice guy. Maybe that's just me though.

Perhaps I'm being overly negative though. I could have had too high expectations since I remembered this book as being my favorite. The fact they were outside of typical suburban family neighborhoods was a nice change. There was more to worry about than just the super natural problem. There were pits to fall down and scorpions to sting. It added some extra tension and worry. In fact, the supernatural was really just tacked on at the end.

All in all it was decent enough, I just hope the sequel is superior and I can remember why one of these mummy books was my favorite.

Rating: 2 Mummies out of 5

Up Next!

Let's Get Invisible! What do I remember about this book? Almost nothing! Presumably someone gets invisible. Seems like we are on kind of a streak of obvious classic movie influences. From the Mummy to the Invisible Man. I really hope to get the next entry done faster than I did this one. Check back soon and see if I succeed with that goal.