Give Yourself Goosebumps: #4 The Deadly Experiments of Dr. Eeek

Judging a Book by Its Cover

It's Halloween so I'm going to deviate from the original series to the "Give Yourself Goosebumps" Series. May I just say that that ape is going bananas! Har har har. But for real, that lab monkey seems to be in charge. He doesn't seem to be keeping his lab in very good order either. Whatever that liquid is seems to be spilling everywhere. Remember, in science the more interesting the chemical is, the more green it is. I think he is working on the formula for Hi-C Ecto Cooler which by the way is back and is still delicious. As you can see I had some while reading this book.

Once again I feel like the illustrator for most of the Give Yourself Goosebumps who took over the duties from the guy from the original series just isn't quite up to par. Something about the chimp's face is just a little off. Still it's a pretty good cover. It's a nice action shot. I am left wondering, is he Dr. Eeek? Or has he escaped the clutches of Dr. Eeek? Also, I didn't know they make lab coats in chimp sizes. I guess it is a little small as his biceps are busting out of it. This chimp must be shredded.

As per usual the "ooze" dripping graphic on the Give Yourself Goosebumps series is full of glittery shiny stuff. It gives off a fun vibe rather than a spooky one. I get why they did it, shiny objects impress kids. They're like magpies.

Getting Goosebumps

So if you are unaware "Give Yourself Goosebumps" is a "Choose Your Own Adventure" style of book. Instead of reading straight through you are giving branching choices. Like "if you eat the peanut butter go to page 11, if instead you eat the jelly go to page 93." Most endings usually result in death. There tends to be a couple "good" endings, and few endings where you don't die but everything is not great. I'll be doing 3 read throughs of this book taking different paths. Will I manage to get the good ending? Let's find out!

#1

These books star "you" the reader. So I'm at Eeek Laboratories with my friend Sam. I'm looking for my mom who just started working here working with THE Dr. Eeek. While we're waiting for her Sam takes a glass of clear liquid from the receptionist's desk. He's sure it's just water but I'm not convinced. Because I'm a fucking idiot I think Labs just leaves chemicals in glasses on their receptionists' desks. He does a convincing Mr. Hyde impression before announcing it is indeed just water. First choice up ahead. Do I sit here and wait for mom or go and find her?

I'm feeling adventurous so I go out to track her down. We wander through the hallways and easily get sidetracked by a vending machine. While selecting our junk food of choice we are accosted by a chimp the size of a gorilla. Why it couldn't have just been a gorilla which is equally scary in its own right is anyone's guess. Turns out though, instead of wanting to eat us he just wants a candy bar from the vending machine. We can either follow him or go back to the waiting room and wait for my mom.

I will not be swayed by my quest by some sugar addicted ape. To the waiting room! My mom is there, but we're late and now we have to go straight to bed instead of going to the movies. I am also ridiculed for not having a sense of adventure. Well pardon me book for COMPLETING THE TASK THAT WAS GIVEN TO ME! I guess it would have much rather me died a horrible death!

#2

Back in the lab with Sam waiting for my mom. Because I need to be adventurous apparently, I go off to find her, once again meeting the giant ape. This time, however, an inexplicable sense of ADVENTURE overtakes me and I follow the chimp. He leads us through the hallways until we meet a man in a lab coat who demands to know what we are doing here. A legitimate question given the circumstances. He seems to know my mom so things are cool. He introduces himself as Yzark (which is Krazy backwards the reader may notice) and the chimp is Oscar.

After introductions are over it's time to see his work. Apparently he has been teaching chimps to play checkers and video games. I bet he got a government grant to do it too. Oscar the chimp wants us to join the apes inside. As I am obligated to be adventurous, I go along with it. We get locked in with them. That seems a little odd an unnecessary. As soon as the door closes the apes close the shades and it becomes clear that Oscar is in charge here. Dr. Yzark get a treat and heads to his cage. Is this the beginning to a reboot of planet of the apes?

Yes it turns out that the apes are in charge here. This is a chance for them to study humans, an interesting and seemingly intelligent species. And it looks like they got two new specimens. Ok book do you see what being adventurous gets you? Locked up by damn dirty apes! I was mocked for getting home with my mom and getting to sleep in my own bed so now I'm in a cage. Thanks a lot!

#3

Ok, in the lab with Sam. Waiting for mom. Instead of going off if the freakin' ape this time I'm just going to sit tight and wait for mom. Instead of mom a short lady named Vanessa greets us. She thinks we're here for some sort of Raster experiment. It will net us 50 bucks CASH. But I'm not here for some sort of experiment. I'm here for my mom. Vanessa goes off to get the infamous Dr. Eeek. He's wearing his lab coat backwards and has an odd squint.

He leads us to a genuine science lab with beakers and Bunsen burners and shit. It even has this weird green goo that the longtime Goosebumps reader (such as myself) might assume to be Monster Blood. He tosses the green goo which he calls G-substnce to Sam. It starts to grow up his arms and cover him all over. Dr. Eeek leaves, and we try to claw it off to no avail. Eeek returns and demands that we finally co-operate with the Raster experiment. We give in, and agree but the goo is still consuming us. Surely this is the end.

Luckily at the last minute Dr. Eeek whips out a sonic screwdriver that calms the goo. He leads us to a room with seats and headsets. Sweet, we get to test out the new Oculus Rift! I'm totally down for this. The graphics are great. We are in a tropical island. Falling. Wait what? Luckily I miss the rocks below and fall into the water. While drying off my virtual clothes I see a large Komodo dragon which is really dangerous. I mean not as dangerous as a Hungarian Horntail but still I probably don't want to get bitten. I could run, or I could freeze. You know I bet they are like a dinosaur and their vision is based on movement. I'm going to freeze.

It seems this isn't the way to go. The Komodo dragon appreciates the easy meal and starts chomping on me good. It seems I'm dead, in virtual reality. Does that mean I'm dead for real? It is remarkably unclear. Seriously, the book doesn't tell me. I did however get a "Game Over" so I guess I'm done reading.


What I Thought

I didn't do to well. Books like this are hard to review of course because unless you read every ending you really haven't read the "whole" book, but ain't nobody got time for that. So I guess I just have the 3 tries to go off of. I didn't get as far as I'd hoped.

So what was good? Well the setting was excellent. A crazy laboratory is the perfect setting for a book like this. All sorts of possibilities. Weird experiments, creepy doctors, so many things can happen! I mean even in my short read through I experienced cutting edge virtual reality, was attacked by a menacing ooze, and was made a lab human by a group of intelligent apes. Three very diverse sci-fi happenings, imagine what else could occur? Also I think the fact that it stars "you" works well specifically for this particular type of book. It may not be the best gimmick in the world but I bet young me loved it. Plus it's not like you have time to develop a protagonist anyway (not that Goosebumps protagonists are particularly well developed.)

The shortcomings? Well they are the same in this book as they are in every Choose Your Own Adventure style book. In an effort to get a couple dozen plot lines in there, you sacrifice quantity for quality. Also, your choices don't necessarily play out logically or anything. What you choose to do might as well be chosen at random because there is no real clue to make the "right" choice. It would be interesting if your knowledge of the main series of Goosebumps helped you navigate through these books. Granted that might make them sucky for people who don't have that knowledge.

So did this book particularly stand out among the legions of other books of its ilk? Not really. That being said it also didn't blow chunks. I had fun to the extent I read even though I didn't get a longer better ending story line. If I was young and dedicated I probably would have been driven to read every ending or at least until I got the best one. In fact, when I was a kid that's probably what I did.

Rating: 3 out of 5 science chimps

Up Next

I am hoping to get back to the main series and the next entry would be The Horror at Camp Jellyjam. I really hope to get it done in November. Will I? Probably not. I am terrible at remembering to do these things each month. That said, I INTEND to do it. Intentions, eh? This is at least the second "Camp" Goosebumps book after Welcome to Camp Nightmare. By comparison camp Jellyjam sounds delightful. Delightful? Wait no, I meant delicious!

Give Yourself Goosebumps #16 Secret Agent Grandma

Judging a Book by its Cover

First impressions? This cover is not so...uh... good. The quality just seems poor compared to the illustrations from the main series. I wondered why this was and then noticed that the signature for the book is for "Nagata" where as those in the main series of Goosebumps are all done by a "T. Jacobus." I guess this Nagata just isn't as good? I mean, I like the concept of a gross alien monster thing popping out of a Grandma suit but it just looks bad. I suppose it could look crumby because it's a disguise so the human part looks bad but like... the feet look off. It just doesn't look right. Though really it's not like the alien looks much better. The mouth is kinda coming out at an angle but it looks like the head is sort of looking the other way? And the tongue is just sort of sticking out to the side like Miley Cyrus or something? It seems like it should be going out, not to the side. I'm no artist, I feel like a bit of a dick for criticizing it but it really doesn't seem to be up to Goosebumps standards. Basically I give it a B+ for concept and a D for execution.

There is no front tagline for these books. It just lets us know that there are over 20 scary endings and that you should watch the Goosebumps TV Show. On the back it says "Will the real grandma please stay alive!" I assume it is based on "Will the real ______ please stand up" which may be best recognized by people in my generation as a line from a Eminem song but I am pretty sure was originated on an old game show from the 50s called To Tell the Truth. I feel like A) it's not a strong enough line to go on and 2) It deviates too much from its source (assuming that is the source.) If it would have made sense to say "will the real grandma please stand up?" I think it would work, but the changes hurt it.

Anyway, I'm doing this one special for October, the spookiest month. This is a "Give Yourself Goosebumps" book, so unlike the regular series this one gives you options every so often that you can have multiple stories from 1 book. I'm not going to go through all 20ish possible endings, that would take forever. I'm just going to read it a couple times taking different options and see where that takes me. Hopefully it's interesting!

Getting Goosebumps

Attempt 1

My parents are leaving for the weekend and have instructed me to take a cab to the train station to meet my quirky 75 year old grandmother. When I get there a call for your comes over the loudspeaker for me. There is a call for me but it keeps breaking up so it's hard to tell. I did make out the words "home immediately" and "danger grandmother." Is granny in danger? Do I go home? Do I try and find her?

GRANNY! I'M COMING! Naturally I'm going to try and find her. A train comes into the station and I"m on the look out for her distinctive yellow pants and purple shirt like on the shitty cover. Suddenly my friends Chuck and Ginny show up. They are off to a hockey games, and I gotta waste my time trying to find my grandmother, oh man. Just then I hear a sound that makes me blood run cold. The sound of my dearest grandmama calling me "Cookie." But wait, what's this? A message scrawled on the train window. It says "Empleh empleh" which is helpme helpme spelled backwards! Then there is a woman who looks just like Grandma inside being accosted by two men in trench coats. Do I try and rescue the possible grandma on the train or do I go with the one who greeted me?

Well I'm pretty sure I know my grandma! And she is the one who greeted me and called me Cookie. We get into the cab and while I'm talking about myself she demands to know about the rose garden. It turns out that she used to live there and planted the eggs herself. Wait, did she say eggs? She must have meant seeds, how silly. She planted them by the light of shooting stars... which seems slightly odd. She seems really intent on seeing them though. We get to the house and the cabbie tries getting the bags out but he is having trouble lifting them. Odd, an old lady carried them just fine. I wonder what is in them? Should I check?

Nah, I'm no snoop! Grandma still seems excited by the flowers. You know, it seems strange, this year they are all over and in some funny colors. Oh hey, some of my other friends are here. Grandma seems interested in seeing them but first she has to freshen up. So I go inside and have some brownies. There is a newspaper article about a meteor shower tonight. Turns out one landed in my yard 15 years ago! Weird. We decide to go look and see if we can find any meteor fragments but grandma is out there. She isn't in her yellow and purple number either, she is in a silver jumpsuit. Seems odd... should I spy on her?

That seems unnecessary I'll just introduce her to my friends. The flowers seem really strange here. There is a green rose and I think it has eyes! And now tendrils are wrapping around me! It spits goo in my eyes. Now I don't have feet, I have roots! Wait what, seriously? That seems rather quick. Oh well. Apparently I am becoming a plant. Meanwhile granny is reciting poetry. What is she saying? "Roses are red, violets are blue, what you didn't know is the rose would be you!" Oh bother. Oh well, Guess I'm a plant now. That's what I get for trusting my grandmother!

Attempt 2

Blah blah parents gone blah blah train station blah blah phone call. This time however, instead of going to find my grandmother I am just gonna get the hell out of there! I run away and fall into a gross mess a garbage truck left behind. Crap.

Attempt 3

Yadda yadda pick up grandma yadda yadda train station blah blah ok I going to find my grandma this time. My real not turn me into a flower grandma. So I see the "empleh" message and see "other grandma" being attacked by men on a train. This time I'm going to jump on the train to save my REAL grandma dammit! I could look for help, but there is no time GRANNY IS IN TROUBLE! But before I can get to the rescue a train employee demands to see my ticket. I could explain why I'm hitching a ride but adults just don't understand these things.

Well then, I guess it is time to stall. Thankfully my friends Chuck and Ginny show up and bail me out. They claim I am with them and their mom will pay for my ticket when we get to the next station. Then I fill my friends in on my grandma. We go into a car that has a no entry sign. My grandma is tied up in there? But she seems unresponsive! Thankfully she is breathing though. There is a weird orange force-field around here. When Chuck checks it out he gets through back. Heh heh, "Chuck checks", that sounds funny. Anyway we all hide as the door slides open. It's the thugs, but they aren't thugs, they're a rock LOBSTER, Dun dun, dun dun, da da dada daaaaaaa ROCK LOBSTER. Ahem, I mean they are weird lizard monster people. We could try overpowering them...

I think we have a better chance if we wait for them to leave and then try to rescue grandma. The door opens again and in attempts to get a better view I knock over a mirror. Oops! Thankfully they seem to have left so no one heard. In a brilliant plan, we try to use the mirror to disable the force-field. But the lizard-man thugs are back! We'd better hurry. The mirror deflects the force-field beam into the thugs, disabling them! We need to escape with grandma! Escaping, we peep into the window of the next car and it is filled with thugs in over coats! And they have those creepy eyes! They know we are here! We could leap from the train but that seems dangerous...

Lets try waking up Grandma. Not only does she wake up but she informs us she is a secret agent tracking the "Mithra-Dithra" aliens. One must have impersonated her! And she has an assignment for us if we dare. Do we? You're god damned right we do! She is going to go after the impostor and she needs us to track the aliens on the train. What a responsible grandma, sending her grandchild after dangerous aliens. Only, turns out they aren't so dangerous. We show up in costume but all the aliens are doing is having a meeting to discuss galactic parking regulations and taxes. Oh well, at least I didn't turn into a plant.

What I Thought

It's hard to judge these books. They are inherently kind of unsatisfying. They boast over 20 endings, but 90% of them are lame. Still, Goosebumps lends itself fairly well to this style. They usually have cliffhangers every chapter so having one with every time you have to make a choice doesn't feel unusual. Also it feels like it gives him a chance to be really weird without having to worry about how good the plot is. You don't really need much of a plot, just twists and turns and boy does Stine like twists.

The other two books I've read from the Give Yourself Goosebumps line were Carnival of Horrors and Tick Tock your Dead. A horrifying amusement park, and time travel open up so many possibilities. Picking up your grandma on the other hand seems more limited. Sure it was taken in weird directions but it felt more like a stretch. It doesn't feel like it had the natural plethora of possibilities that come from a the better premises of those earlier books. That being said, the concept of your Grandma being anything other than a boring nice old lady is intriguing. Alien, secret agent, who knew Grandma got around so much!

Naturally, the longer the plot goes on the more satisfying the book feels. Having an abrupt end like in attempt 2 is nothing but disappointment. Of course as a kid I am sure I read until I got the best ending or maybe even read every single ending. As an adult I am sort of tempted to just read through once and let it be. I suppose reading it a couple times and leaving it at that is a nice compromise.

Basically, I'd just rather read 1 book with a decent plot rather than a book with 20 weak plots. It does give a chance for lots of twists, but it's ultimately unsatisfying. Still, as a diversion from the main series it's alright. I just don't think when people my age look fondly back at Goosebumps "Secret Agent Grandma" is one that is going to stand out in most people's mind.

Rating: 2 out of 5 grandmas

 

Up Next

There are 2 more things I want to cover in October, the spookiest month of the year. Firstly, I have seen the Goosebumps Movie starring Jack Black and while I won't do a total in depth coverage of it like I do for the books, I would like to do an entry talking about it. Also, I want to read a Goosebumps book especially for Halloween. Will I be motivated enough to do it? Maybe! Happy October everyone!

Give Yourself Goosebumps #2: Tick Tock, You're Dead!

Happy Halloween! Instead of doing the next in line of the regular Goosebumps series I decided to do another one of the Give Yourself Goosebumps books. These are Choose Your Own Adventure style books, where it gives you choices of which direction to take almost always resulting in death. Fun, right?

Judging a Book by its Cover

Tick Tock, You're Dead! It's going to be about time travel. There are no other options. It is a scary clock with a kid hanging from one of the hands. Here is the thing about scary clocks, they aren't scary. No one is concerned about a clock being out to get them. The only way they have to make a clock scary is if it can magically send you elsewhere in time. That does open up a lot of options. It could send you back to get devoured by dinosaurs, or forward to be conquered by aliens. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's not about time travel. But I doubt it.

Like other books in the series this cover has a shiny, reflective surface which is cool. Kids are easily swayed by shiny things. Hey, even as an adult I look at it and think, "Ooo shiny!" It also boasts 20 different endings. That seems cool until you realize 18 or 19 result in your untimely death. Oh well, reader beware it's time for me to choose the scare!

Getting Goosebumps

Now as per last time I am not going to read exhaustively through every option this book has to offer. I don't think it's in the spirit of things, and it's also not very fun. Especially not fun to read. Likewise I think only reading through once will probably result in a short "and then I died." So I am going to read 3 paths through this book to give a couple options of what can happen. Here goes!

1

We begin with a warning not to read this book straight through. You must look at the choices at the bottom
of each page and turn to them accordingly. Anyway it seems that I am in the Museum of Natural History when my little brother Denny runs off alone. While searching for him I find a Dr. Peebles who is described as "Strange." He says I can test his time machine, because obviously the way scientists test time machines is via random kids who wander into their lab. I get the option to search for Denny or travel in time. Like a wiener I choose to look for my brother and the book rewards my sense of responsibility by making fun of me and picking again. I guess I will travel in time! Except before I have the chance to test out the machine Denny runs into it like a brat! Where, or when has he gone? I have an arbitrary 2 hour time limit to find him before he becomes lost FOREVER.

I have the option of looking for him in the future or the past. I choose the past in hopes I can see some freakin' dinosaurs! I enter the machine and eventually two paths appear before me. One with a knight, and one with a dinosaur. As we have already established I am gonna big the freakin' dinosaur! It turns out Denny loves dinosaurs which of course I knew and did not go for purely selfish reasons. There are dinosaur all over the swamp happily munching on shrubbery when the ground begins to shake and I am faced with a T-rex. It savagely rips off the head of another dinosaur before it notices me and begins chasing me. On the plus side however it is then that I find Denny. On the negative side, he is stuck in quick sand. After struggling with him I manage to yank him out but the chronometer that can send is back to the present comes off and sinks in the muck. The dinosaur closes in. Do I scramble to find the chronometer or run the eff away from ol' T-rex?

I figure finding the chronometer can send us back and I couldn't outrun a T-rex so I better search for it as quick as I can! Denny searches too. The tyrannosaurus faces us and lets out a huge terrifying sound. A burp, apparently. And how does a dinoburp kill you? Well it apparently knocks me into the quicksand... somehow. Denny and I sink down...down...down. THE END.

2 

Once again I meet Dr. Peebles and must find my brother Denny somewhere in time. Something tells me that maybe I should try finding him in the future. I step into the Chronoport and the doctor tells me there is one thing I must remember but then he is gone. I see before me a fancy futuristic looking city complete with flying cars. There is also a city that looks a lot like New York. I recognize the Empire State Building and the World Trade Center so it must be pre 2001 (boo! too soon!) I think I see Denny there and also I am curious to see when this New York is so I choose that. After looking around a bit I see a newspaper that lets me know I am in the future... 1 day in the future. What a bummer! I am almost about to pull out my chronometer when something startles me... but what?

...It's me! And my family! Future us are walking into the street about to be hit by a truck! I can use my chronometer to try and stop it. Do I go back and try and stop my family from going into the street, or to try and stop the driver. I figure I might as well try and stop my family. They'd listen to me... right? I go back in time 15 minutes. But do I want to distract them, or warn them? Distract them! I devise a cunning plan to toss money out for everyone to create a distraction. Time-traveling Denny joins me, and future me and Denny are delighted to watch. The truck speeds by them. I've successfully saved us. But now I need to get Denny to come back with me in time and he is being a real butt. Do I use my words and try and get him to come back or do I take him by force?

I try to force him but he runs off and of course runs smack into his future double. Tired of his shenanigans I grab both of them and hit the chronometer. Both of them follow me back in time. Now I have two little brothers. I saved his life, but my own is ruined! Oh no! THE END.

3

Ok this time, into the past but knights instead of dinosaurs. Sound like a plan? Surely now I will be able to save Denny and not have a future copy of him to annoy me in the present. I search for the night to a drawbridge over a moat. It is then that the Knight charges me with lance lower. Do I face him, or do I jump into the moat (though I am not a strong swimmer.) I figure if I gotta go out, I shouldn't go out like a bitch. I face the night. The solider informs me that this is king Ruthbert's castle. I must beat his challenge or else become food for the crocodiles in the moat. Good thing I didn't jump in the moat. I get to pick my weapon. I automatically choose the club because I have a plan. We will hit apples like they were baseballs and see whose goes the furthers in some sort of medieval home-run derby. Apparently now I (the reader) must flip 2 coins to see what happens. I have to have coins now? I though I just had to pick pages! No one told me I had to come to this book equipped with coins. Well damn.

Home Run!

Anyway, one heads, one tails, turn to page 116. I smash my fruit like Gallagher, while his apple hit bounces down in front of him. According to the rules he must now jump into the moat. Before he willingly kills himself for some sort of honor he tells me to beware the lair. I'll get right on that, crazy dead guy. I enter the castle which seems eerie and empty. Then all the candles go out and I hear a scream! I should probably turn back, but what if that yell of terror was from my little brother? I must go on. But to the throne room or the lair? Well I was specifically told to avoid the lair, so I pick throne room. The king is sitting around with his knights and ladies and takes me to be a spy for King Henry. I notice Denny sitting right next to King Ruthbert! Apparently he has addopted him as his son, because that is a sensible thing to do with children that appear out of nowhere. My brother is no help and demands I be boiled in oil. The only thing that can help me is if it is my lucky day. Is today even or odd? Odd... Odd indeed.

So... I am being sentenced to be boiled in oil but I have a plan. I tell the king I have something that belongs to Denny hoping I can hand him the chronometer and send us forward in time. My plan fails though and I go plummet to the hot oil, pushing the button myself. I return without Denny. I count this as a win. The bastard tried to boil me in oil. Also know my family can sue the Museum for millions due to losing their son. Not just a win, a WIN WIN. THE END.

What I Thought

These books are so hard to have complete thoughts on. Any criticism comes more as a criticism towards these choose your own way books than the actual writing in them. Here is the thing about them, they are a fun little gimmick for kids, but ultimately they are unsatisfying. It is because instead of 1 solid decent story we are treating to over 20 tiny stories, most of which end poorly. If someone actually fleshed out these books so there were 20 lengthy well written stories in them, they might not be looked upon so poorly. But if you were gonna write 20 well done long stories, you would make them into 20 separate books and make 20 times the money.

Comments on the actual contents of the book though... This one is decidedly more sci-fi compared to the previous Carnival of Horrors... horrors. It was truly more based on horror convention while this used the time travel trope. It does lead to a lot of options. Just with my 3 read throughs I had plenty of variation. I saw dinosaurs, knights, and the present day. If I had read one more I probably seen what the future city was all about. That's pretty cool. But I can't help but think bigger is better. If there was even more too it, how cool would that be? I think the kid in me thinks that most of all.

My favorite one of the 3 I did was probably the Knights. Dinosaurs are awesome, but relatively little happened with them. The knights on the other hand let me best a warrior, and deal with my bratty bro. I know I was supposed to be sorry to leave him behind but he literally tried to kill me. What an asshole. That is what made it fun though.

While I am not a huge fan of the medium, this did as good a job as any at entertaining me.

Rating: 3 out of 5 clocks

Up Next

The next Give Yourself Goosebumps book is Trapped in Bat Wing Hall. I don't own it. I probably wont ever own it unless someone feels like purchasing it for me off my wish list... here http://amzn.com/w/6REQ148ZCYQI 

Yes, I am shameless. But really I don't expect anyone to buy it for me. Still if you'd like to, there is the option.

Happy Halloween to you and check back soon for your regularly scheduled Goosebumps book Return of the Mummy.

Give Yourself Goosebumps #1: Escape From the Carnival of Horrors

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Goosebumps post to bring you a "special" Halloween one. Instead of doing the next book of the regular series I bring you Give Yourself Goosebumps #1: Escape From the Carnival of Horrors. The Give Yourself Goosebumps series were Choose Your Adventure style books.

If you don't know what those are, why are you reading this blog? You grew up in the wrong generation! To explain it simply, at the end of pages, it would give you a choice. If you want to enter the cellar turn to page 8, if you want to go to the attic, turn to page 27. Usually 90% of the endings were bad and involve you never being seen or heard from again. Then there is usually one ok ending where you make it out alive but barely. And usually there is about 1 "good" ending where things turn out just peachy.

This presents a moderate difficulty in writing synopsis and reviews. Do I read all 20-30 endings? No. I am far too lazy, and that doesn't present an interesting narrative. I have decided I am going to read through exactly 3 plots. Whatever happens I will report back to you... But first...

Judging a Book By Its Cover

 

The first thing you'd notice about this book if you actually held it in your hands is that it is SHINY! It's hard to tell from the photo of it, but it has that special stuff that makes it reflect like all cool... I forget what you call it, but it shows different colors at different angles. Nifty.

The second thing you'd notice of course would be the gnarly purple gator breaking out of its cage. Why purple? Is green not scary enough? Is Barney more terrifying than Godzilla? Well... kind of, but for entirely different reasons.

There is no tagline on the front, which is kind of a bummer. The back of the book isn't actually shiny. It is normal Goosebumps style dual color ooze. I suppose since it has the text blurb about the book it couldn't really be sparkly. It does have one tagline on back. "Take a ride if you dare...." Oh, I dare. Lets get to it. Reader Beware, I Choose The Scare!

Getting Goosebumps

Attempt 1:

It's in the first person, and I am the first person. My best friends Patty and Brad have been arguing since the start of summer vacation. We are all bored. Perhaps we should bike over to where they are setting up the carnival! Of course last year they had the Terror Track which wound up being a kid's train. Patty, however, being bossy makes the decision for us. We're going. When we get there it's all locked up. Do we break in or chicken out and Go Home.

GO HOME, PAGE 10: What's wrong with me. If I went home now the narrative that is my life would be over! That's lame. I get no more illusion of choice, I am climbing that damn fence and breaking in. (Yes seriously, this is what the page was like.)

COMMIT BREAKING AND ENTERING, PAGE 6: We hop the fence and though there is still the kiddy train, there is also pretty awesome stuff like a rocket coaster and arcade games. While gawking at a sign for a freak show a man comes up from behind us telling us we aren't supposed to be there. Uh oh! It's Big Al the owner, but instead of kicking us out he wants us to test out the stuff in the park. That doesn't seem suspicious at all! But do I wanna check out the rides or the midway?

STRAIGHT TO THE RIDES, YO!, PAGE 34: On the one hand there is a giant-ass roller coaster with cars that look like shuttles and the tracks go almost up the clouds it seems! That's what Brad and Patty are doing. Of course, behind me there is organ music coming from the Little House of Horrors and I do love me some haunted houses...

TO THE COASTER I SAY! PAGE 26: It's pretty sweet. It goes hella fast, and loops and all kinds of crap. However, it stops dead, and my friends Brad and Patty are gone. Do I sit here and wait for help? or perhaps I should hop out of the car..

I PLAY IT CAUTIOUS AND WAIT FOR HELP, PAGE 92: I wait for 15 minutes then start to feel... strange... like someone is watching me. Then there is rustling and strange smells... I feel sick. I can't move. 2 guys come in and say the perfume worked and haul me off to be a real life display for the park. Next time I'll know better! Or will I? Because there wont be a next time! This is... THE END? (or is it? mwahahaha)

Attempt 2

Once again my friends and I are bored, we go to the carnival and I don't fight the urge to break in this time. Big Al shows up and lets us have free reign. Rides, or Midway?

AWW YEAH, CHECKIN' OUT THE MIDWAY, PAGE 77: There is plenty of cool stuff here, but I'm drawn to the fortune teller. She reads my palms and says there is horror in my future. Sounds bad... Then she tells me to pick a card. Do I go red or blue?

WELL BLUE IS MY FAVORITE COLOR... PAGE 59 (Hah it actually says blue is my favorite color when I turned the page.) The card says the freaks at the freak show are in trouble and I'm their only hope! When I inquire what this is all about the lights go out with a scream and the fortune teller is gone. When I try to grab the card it bursts in to flame. Do I keep going along with this and help the freaks, or do I say screw em?

I CAN'T RESIST HELPING FREAKS, PAGE 11: I race to tell Brad and Patty about my predicament. They're in. We race to the freak show. The door says KEEP OUT, so naturally we bust in. Turns out they are slaves in a prison, and Big Al is the freaks' master and he is just about to show up. Do I stay and give em

him a stern lecture or should we book it down the hall?

I'M NO FOOL, GET OUTTA THERE! PAGE 48: We get outta there, but escape right into a reptile petting zoo. What a messed up idea! Some of the snakes are coming to try and cuddle us. We need to get out of here. Should we go left or right?

RIGHT SEEMS RIGHT, PAGE 12: We book it like mad, but then there is a crashing sound behind us. Then on the sides of us. Then in front of us. We're trapped. It is then that we here a voice welcoming us to the reptile petting zoo. The alligator, it seems, has been lonely. And we are its new pets. THE END (or is it!?)

Attempt 3

Yadda yadda yadda bored, go to carnival. Blah blah blah break in, Big Al. Rides or Midway?

RIDES, PAGE 34: Coaster like before? Or Haunted House?

HAUNTED HOUSE! PAGE 64: So I ditch Brad and Patty and head off to the Little House of Horrors. There is a rickety bridge to get there. It sways and creaks and as a thunder bolt of lightning (very very frightening) goes off I fall. Do I try and grab at the bridge or do I flap my arms like a bird (that is seriously an option.)

I FLAP MY ARMS BECAUSE THAT IS TOO RIDICULOUS TO PASS UP, PAGE 30:

Well I can't think of anything else to do so I flap my arms like a bird. Just then a big gust of air comes up under me and blows me back up onto the bridge. No shit? What are the odds! I go to the haunted house and look back at the void I almost fell into. The bridge is gone. Cool special affects! It's not like I almost died or something. I notice at the Little House of Horrors there is also the Boat Trip to Nowhere. Do I get side tracked to no where or do I stick with the haunted house?

SCREW GOING NOWHERE, ON TO THE HAUNTED HOUSE! PAGE 66: Near the entrance a skeleton taps me on the back and tells me if I go in I'll wind up like him. Awesome! Inside its totally dark. I can't even see my hands. I stumble around... Finally I find myself in a house of mirrors! Do I go left or right?

RIGHT WONT FAIL ME AGAIN, PAGE 29: I go to my right, and get frustrated. Punching the wall seems like a good idea after staring at all these images of me. After I do so the walls start closing in on me. Literally. Right when it seems like I'm about to be crushed the floor falls out from under me and I'm caught in a net to someone declaring that a new player has entered. A short creepy man and some 7 foot tall beastly monsters great me. Apparently he is "Dr. Frank-N-Stone" which has got to be the worst name I've ever heard. I sounds like a Flintstones villain. Anyway, he is the one who created the Carnival of Horrors. Do I kick him and try and escape? Or do I wait for the hulking monsters to leave first.

KICK HIM AND TAKE MY CHANCES, 79: I kick him, but nothing happens! I kick him harder and my foot busts through him... to... metal. He's a robot!? Awesome, I deactivated him but now those creatures are after me.One of them pins me up against the wall and I give its head a shove. The head comes off. It was a robot too! Now one left... but is it also a robot? Or do I think he's a real monster...

ONE OF EM'S GOTTA BE A REAL MONSTER, PAGE 110, Well I was right that it wasn't a robot. It wasn't however, a monster. It's Big Al and he thinks what I've got what it takes to be in the Carnival of Horrors. I however, am not a fan of that idea. He assures me that I can't leave. We go into the next room and people in old timey clothes welcome me to the Carnival of Horrors. It appears in different places each night and tonight it was in my town, and there is no getting out... or is there? Apparently if I can escape before midnight, I'm ok. But it's 11:40 and the floor has started to shake... Suddenly I appear outside with my friends again. I tell them we've gotta be out before midnight. Patty says the exit is by the Hall of the Mountain King. Brad says its by the Halloween express.

ITS HALLOWEEN SO I SAY HALLOWEEN EXPRESS, PAGE 108: We head that away, then hop into some cars and drive off. A skeleton comes out at us and we drive by. Then there are zombies and ghostly figures. We should jump out and run! But am I able to?

I'LL BE HONEST, NO... I CAN'T, PAGE 127: Well it doesn't matter, I crash through the ghost! Take that! But now we have to hide from the Carnival folk. Do we all hide in the cannon, or in the kiddy choo-choo train!

I CHOO CHOO CHOOSE YOU! Page 128 It starts chiming to 12. I however notice the train is called Right Way Railroad. There is only one RIGHT WAY out... Could I be right? We go through a tunnel and once through we see Carnival Workers everywhere... Regular, run of the mill carnival workers. At the same rinky-dink tiny Carnival we have every year. No monsters or zombies anywhere. This carnival just has baby games and lame food stands. It's he greatest carnival ever. Whew.

What I thought

Woohoo I survived! Rarely do I survive these things, and I swear to gosh I didn't even cheat by looking ahead. The choo choo always gets you where you wanna go. Ultimately each of my ventures whether I survived or not was fairly long in terms of these books. I was pleasantly surprised.

Yes, this was far more enjoyable than I remember these things. I recall dying every other page. Maybe I just got lucky and got some longer strains, or maybe perhaps maybe RL Stine did an ok job with this? I guess limiting myself to 3 attempts helped make it more enjoyable. A common ploy of people who read these is to keep a finger on pages with choices so you can go back and do the other if you fail. That's not really that fun, however it does help if your only goal is to see every ending. And if you own it you probably do want to see every ending.

It would have been nice to get a little bit of characterization. I know I was the main character, but it seems like you ditch your friends a lot. They were pretty much irrelevant characters. They were there so I wouldn't be alone... but I was alone most of the time. What's the point?

Ultimately the strength of this book came from the setting. There are a lot of things to do in a Carnival and I got the opportunity to do a lot of them. Roller coasters, haunted houses, fortune tellers. Good stuff. If only I could have had some ghostly food. Perhaps an I SCREAM cone, or uhh... Hell I dunno.

Rating: 3 out of 5 Corn Dogs

Up Next!

Next time we we'll be back to to your regularly schedule classic Goosebumps. I just did this special for Halloween because I only have a few of the Choose your Own Goosebumps series, and I don't know when I should review them. I doubt I'll go out and get them all, so I'll just throw them into the mix every now and again. Hope you enjoyed it. Happy Halloween!