Dr. Horror's House of Video - 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps #16

Stop! Collaborate and listen... I am back with a brand new edition... of my blog about Goosebumps. Today I'll be talking about the 16th of 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps. This story is called "Dr. Horror's House of Video." Back in ye olden days before Youtube and Netflix people who are old as dirt now used to get their media by going to a "store," and buying or renting "tapes" also known as "VHSes." There used to be a lot of these places. Some were big national chains like Blockbuster Video. Some were small local shops like the one I went to called 8th Street Video (even though it wasn't on 8th street.) Now I presume this story is going to be about a shop not unlike these, but perhaps purveying mostly in the horror genre. Am I right with this assumption? I hope so, otherwise I'm probably going to go back and rewrite this paragraph so you'll never know how wrong I was... Not let me read the dang story.

Things open with a giant plant monster rampaging. We quickly find out that is just a movie being watched by Ben Adams, 12 year old horror connoisseur. He is on a boring summer vacation with his parents without any friends or even other kids his age to play with. What else is there to do but watch the horror movies he loves?

Mom and dad are kind of sick of him being a couch potato. Mom takes him in to the city and what does he find but a movie store called Dr. Horror's House of Video. He'd soon find that this is no ordinary video store. Dr. Horror the owner makes his very own videos in the garage in back. They look pretty darn high quality too. The lizardman movie playing on the TV in the store is great! Unfortunately mom comes in and hauls him back home before he can see the ending.

Well later on Ben decides to shock his parents by going outside and riding his bike. Of course you know he's riding that back right on back to the video store. Sadly, it is closed but he could just sneak in and watch the rest of that video. I mean it's not like he's STEALING. He spends an hour in the store watching the movie, a timeless classic than ends with Lizardman eating a young lad, and the rest of the townsfolk for good measure. There is just one problem, he's locked in.

Ben spots a back door with weird sounds coming out of it. He knocks his way through it only to discover the actual Lizardman who grabs him. He is surrounding by a whole smorgasboard of monsters. Mummies! Vampires! Wolfmen! Amazing. This is where Dr. Horror shoots his videos, and man do the costumes they use look amazing. Most amazing of all though, is that Dr. Horror wants Ben to play the victim in the sequel to the Lizardman movie. Of course Ben says yes.

His part is pretty simple, he just has to get tied up and eaten. The first take goes bad because Ben is having too much fun to be scared. Then he realizes he should have makeup on too, I mean this is a movie. All the monsters make up is amazing. He reaches to take the Lizardman's mask off but it won't budge. The vampire ties him up tight. The mummy takes off his wrappings to show off his decaying flesh. You know... I think these monsters might be REAL. They move in for the kill, but Dr. Horror calls cut. Whew, things were getting out of hand. The director then fixes up Ben's hair and calls for the cameras to roll again... Wait.. WHAT?!?!

My Thoughts

There is a certain type of kid I think this would have especially appealed to. The kid who owned a camcorder and recorded his own low budget flicks. The kid who would grow up and a little older put stuff on youtube when it was first invented from a little handycam. You may not be/have been that kid, but you probably knew one. Maybe that kid even asked you to be in their movie. Maybe they didn't even have a camcorder but they still acted out movies without recording them.

Of course you didn't need to be this kid to enjoy it. I'm sure many more my age fondly remember going to the movie store, which was so much a different experience than going on netflix to pick a movie. You got to pick 1 movie, and that was it because that was how much money you had. That was it, you watched it, and maybe even watched it again if you loved it, and that was it until you got more allowance. Ah the good old days.

Beyond the nostalgia this story is kind of fun. While it focuses on the "not entirely classic" horror move villain of a lizardman, we have more classic ones like mummy and vampire in the back. These are what I would call "traditionally scary." They are familiar even to kids. The danger is pretty direct, they want to eat him. Fear of being eaten by a monster is pretty visceral. You just have the added layer of the monsters being assumed to be movie actors. Is that twist kind of predictable? Sure, but it works, and it makes enough sense in the story. It is not the kind of twist that drives me mad by how illogical it is.

All in all a solid entry. I am not sure it is the most memorable story out of the lot so far, but it stands out strong. It makes horror movies which already scary even more scary by the potential that they are real. Spoooooky.

Rating: 4 VHS tapes out of 5

Tomorrow's story is "The Cats Tale." I can almost guarantee that this cat will be black because someone decided black cats are scarier than normal cats. I don't know who decided this because the meanest cat I ever met was a fat orange tabby ironically named Buddy. That thing LIVED to bite little kids. Bastard. Anyway, check back for my next review tomorrow.

Suckers! - 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps #15

Well October is about half over and this book is about half done. Hopefully you're still here with me getting those Goosebumps. Today's story is called "Suckers!" Presumably it's about someone who is foolish. It could also be about lollipops. Who knows. Let's find out.

Ashley is spending the summer with her cousin and younger brother. Unfortunately there are a pair of local bullies that don't like kids who are only there for the summer. They are constantly harassing them. Lame.

One afternoon on the beach Ashley discovers a chest that has washed ashore. What is inside? Pirate treasure? Ancient artifacts? A weird slimy green blob? That last one. That's what's in it.

The green blob attached to Ashley with weird suckers, and won't let go. Ahhhh, get it, suckers. Anyway attempts to get it off seem to fail, but then they notice it seems interested in cousin Greg's pocket. That is where he keeps his gummy worms. It gobbles up the gummies and then attaches to Greg. Then there is a problem. No more gummies. They can't get the blob off either.

Quickly they husle to Greg's house to find more of the candy he loves so much. There is none to be found there, all eaten, empty bags. They go to the store and make off with as many as they can carry. The owner lets them put it on their tab because Greg is his best customer.

Then they get hassled by the bullies. With a fresh stock of gummy worms they're prime targets, but they manage to hussle past the jerks.

Back at the beach Greg is entirely covered by the strange creature. They use the candy to lure it back into the chest where it can contently munch all the worms to its hearts content. Actually it probably doesn't have a heart. They shut the possibly heartless creature in the chest.

So anyway, bullies show up. They go to chase after Ashley and crew but then notice the chest. There are gummy worms sticking out of the chest. Well who doesn't want a chest full of gummies? Ashley and her relations scurry off to leave the bullies to deal with the ramifications of their actions.

My Thoughts

Great, now I want gummy worms. Is that a weird reaction to have for this story? Maybe...

Ok, once again it feels like this story plays with the format a little. This is good, I appreciate that. In fact, there really isn't even a twist ending. This doesn't necessarily make it a better story persay... but it does mitigate the fatigue you feel of reading a story with the same plot direction over and over again.

Some complaints though. The introduction was a little confusing. It is throwing the names of all these characters at you at once, and it actually took me a second look to figure out who was who and what was what. Maybe I was just tired because I took a shot of nyquil and it's almost midnight... but I feel like it shouldn't be that confusing for a 33 year old reading a book for kids.

Once it got going, it felt sort of like a fun summer romp. Like if they could have fleshed things out a bit and turned it into a longer story it could have amounted to something more. Honestly I could imagine a better (much better) version of this being a movie. Kids having summer adventures with bullies and a strange ocean creature that washed ashore. I'd watch it.

I would compare this relatively favorably to the rest of the stories I've read so far this month. It's not amazing, but it's probably in the better half of the stories I've read rather than the worse half.

Rating: 3 out of 5 gummy worms that I really am craving right now

Tomorrow I think we may be in for a treat. Not gummy worms though... unless I go to the store... Wait nevermind. The treating I am talking about is tomorrow's story "Dr. Horror's House of Video." I am guessing it's about a video rental store. What a thing to be reading about in 2018! I might even have to explain what a video rental store is to people! Hurray! Check back tomorrow.

You Gotta Believe Me! - 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps #14

"You Gotta Believe Me!" That is the name of the short story I'll be reading today. It's also a notion that is pretty common in Goosebumps. Kids are seldom believed when things go wrong in R.L. Stineland. Mummy comes alive? Weird green ooze running amuck? Garden gnomes come to life? Parents never believe it. I don't have any idea what this story is actually about... but I'm sure it's pretty unbelievable. See what I did there? Anyway, time to read.

Stanley is a relatively normal kid but his parents are weirdo hippies. This means he doesn't have a TV in his house, which can cramp a kid's style quite a bit. Especially when you consider this is the 90s so he also has no smartphone, tablet, or likely even a computer. To "make up" for this, his parents bought him a nice telescope to look at the stars. It's not just stars up there though. He frequently sees lots of movement in lights. Sure some are satellites and what have you but some... some are genuine UFOs. Problem is, no one believes him.

Late one hot night a crack of lightning roused Stanley. Then another light, except this time it wasn't lightning. Armed with his telescope he determines the light to be a flying saucer. It was hanging over Mr. Tribble's (Star Trek reference in that name?) corn field. The spaceship flew away but Stanley just had to check things out. Trouble is that Mr. Tribble is the "angry run kids off his property with a pitchfork" kind of guy. Oh well, it'll be fine. At the cornfield Stanley spots some crop circles. Amazing! He also spots Mr. Tribble with his trademark pitchfork. Drat. A wise time to call it a night and run home.

Now naturally no one believed his tale. Even his friends wanted to humor him they sure weren't gonna risk a pitch forkin' going to check things out for themselves. Stanley had a plan though. His dad owned a camera. Photoshop isn't even really a thing yet, they'd have to believe photographic evidence!

The next night he scoped things out while Mr. Tribble was distracted watching TV. Once again the alien spaceship landed, but this time Stanley was there to see it. Actual aliens emerged from the craft, strange beings with tentacles, claws, and many legs. Oddly, they spoke english. Odder still, they felt the need to explain their plan for world conquest outloud where a human could hear. It seems that they have been receiving television transmissions from earth for years. They have been imputing subliminal messaging into TV programs for years, and tomorrow their final message to earth will secure its defeat. Stanley's hippy parents are right, television IS the downfall of civilization!

An errant sneeze betrays the boy's presence to the aliens. His punishment? The aliens make him watch TV aboard their ship. They seem to think it will sap his will or something, but it doesn't really have any effect. He plays along though, and they let him go after 3 hours in front of the boob tube.

Free now to defend his country, he'll have to stop the aliens by himself as no one believes his tale. The plan? Aluminum foil. LOTS of Aluminum foil. He borrows money from friends, buys out the grocery store's full stock of it, and even steals his brother's foil ball. This all has a purpose though. No it's not tin foil hats for the entire population. He makes a giant shield to repel the broadcast the alien ship will make. The damn thing actually works too. The aliens fly away, thwarted.

Once again, no one even believes he saved the entire world. Problem is, they could always try it again. In fact, look, hey, there is a flying saucer! If only some one would believe him.

My Thoughts

This story may not stray terrible far from the familiar territory of Goosebumps but it did something I really enjoyed. It played with the format a bit. A lot of the story was him pleading his case, and wishing to be taken seriously. It pushed that aspect of a Goosebumps story to an extreme that made it stand out. Now clearly they couldn't and shouldn't do that with every story, but to make one feel unique it works pretty well.

Beyond that, it also doesn't exist as a story purely for a twist. In fact there really wasn't much of a twist in this story. The last little "stinger twist" at the end was merely that the aliens have returned. Even this was used primarily to further express how Stanley is never taken seriously.

Now if there are any flaws (and there are of course) I would say it is primarily in the plan of the aliens and the thwarting of that plan. TV being used for the purposes of world conquest is a fun idea. The whole "ruins your intelligence" thing kind of works. But it doesn't really come across as a convincing threat. If they used their plan elaboration to explain just a little bit more how it would work, I think it could have instilled some genuine concern (at least a little.) And Stanley's plan to use foil? It comes out of nowhere. It's not a half baked enough plan to be truly funny, nor is it a smart enough plan to actually make sense.

Goosebumps villains continually come across as underwhelming because they are so inept and foiled so easily. I mean sure you don't want to make your story too darn scary for 9 year olds. It would help them to be taken seriously as a threat though if it took something more elaborate as "a bunch of tin foil" to stop planet conquering aliens. Or you could make the aliens come across as horribly mean and nasty BUT horribly stupid to a funny degree and that might work. As things are, it is just a little unsatisfying.

Still, these gripes I have are generally kind of gripes that could be applied to any number of Goosebumps books. The positives I have for this book, mainly that it feels a little bit different in a vast sea of Goosebumps sameness just help make this stand out a little in the pile of 30 stories I'm reading.

My rating: 3 aliens out of 5

Well, I am starting to get a little tired of writing these reviews but alas I'm only halfway in. Perhaps tomorrow's story called "Suckers" will reinvigorate me. I do like suckers, especially tootsie pops. I used to like blow pops quite a bit but somehow I now feel like I'm "too old" for them. Then again, I do run a blog where I regularly read Goosebumps books so am I really too old for anything? Probably not. Oh well, check back tomorrow and see what "Suckers" is all about.

Something Fishy - 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps #13

Something is Fishy with today's story... Mostly the title.... which is "Something Fishy." Judging by the general cleverness of the titles of these tales I am gonna guess there is an actual fish involve. Will they be fishing in the ocean? a river? Will there be an evil pet goldfish? The ghost of some old tuna melts? I don't know. Time to read.

Eric's summer is not panning out very well. Unlike the last couple stories there is no summer camp for him. Since his parents got divorced money has been tight so he can't go to the lake with his mom and sister. This is a shame, because it's sweltering hot out this summer and they don't even have air conditioning. Plus all of his friends are gone for the summer.

As you can see there is nothing much to do... nothing that is, except watch his pet fish and complain about the heat. He has a tank with many different species of fish. Eric ends up spending most of his allowance on various accessories for them, things like a castle and a little diver with a spear.

On night, in a bout of what can only be described bout of heat dileria, Eric beginnings swirling his finger in a figure 8 pattern in the water of his aquarium. He seems to barely be aware of what he is evening doing. At the stroke of 10 pm on the dot, he finishes his bizarre ritual and notices something odd. Eric is wet. And Small. And in his very own fish tank. Yes, it seems Eric has become something fishy.

At first this is pretty rad. He is cooling off, having fun. He doesn't seemed to be grossed out by his fish's turds. The other fish, however, are not big fans of his. A large goldfish attacks him, but he valiantly defends himself by borrowing the scuba diver figurines spear and murdering his very own pet.

With no time to really bask in his victory or lament the loss of his pet, Eric notices his mother and sister entering the room. His sister is the one who notices the dead goldfish. Mom does her duty and scoops the corpse out. Eric makes sure to get out with the ex goldfish but his family doesn't seem to notice him there. Now mom is going to perform a "burial at sea" via the toilet and Eric is a smidge worried he is going to be flushed as well. He manages to escape and when he hits the floor he magically poofs back up to normal size. This naturally startles his mom, but she doesn't seem to think too much of it.

Well things go back to normal but it still is really hot outside... And I mean now Eric knows he can get back to normal size. He prepares a bit first by walling off his own little section of the tank. He repeats the bit about making finger motions in the water and it works like a charm. Then his family enters with a new present for him. His lovely mother bought him a new pet, and look there is a walled off space just for it now. He must of known. It is a perfect spot to put his Siamese fighting fish. "The meanest fish on earth..."

My Thoughts

Hurray, another plot twist that isn't so terrible that it makes me tear out my already dwindling hair. But I'll get to that in a moment.

"Something Fishy" reminds me a bit of a movie I loved in my childhood starring the wonderful Don Knotts. It was called the Incredible Mr. Limpet and involved a man who wished a wish to be a fish and what do you know, he became one (albeit in cartoon form.) He himself faced many dangers, such a bigger meaner fish, and the Nazi Navy (no joke.) Ok, so I guess this isn't EXACTLY like that movie.

This story also reminds me a bit of my own childhood, because I myself had an aquarium. At one point or another I owned many of the types of fish R.L. Stine listed by name. The thing is, I didn't own them all at the same time because they aren't really fish you would have live together. They'd probably eat each other, as well as requiring different water temperatures and such to thrive... Come on Stine, do your fish homework!

I would say this is one of the stories that aims more to be fun than to be scary. It has a unique feeling because instead of facing a monster or villain instead a common pet becomes a life threatening predator. A goldfish generally isn't scary. Instead of something like the Monster Blood series which involved regular pets becoming huge and thus story, this does the opposite. A giant goldfish would be pretty cool though... but it probably wouldn't fit in a kid's aquarium.

I'd also like to point out one little detail that isn't hugely relevant to the plot but is something you don't see a lot of in Goosebumps. Eric's parents are divorced, and part of his bummer summer is due to this fact. Divorce doesn't come up awesome in 'bumps but I think it was (and is) a hugely relevant issue for kids. I've often pointed out that a strong asset these stories have is their ability for regular kids to relate to them, and details like this can help.

All in all, this story is a fun little lark. I don't know that kids will go to bed with nightmares of being eaten by a goldfish because of it... but just maybe they'll give their aquarium an extra glance as they walk by. They might even catch themselves swirling their fingers in the water seeing what may happen.

Rating: 3 deadly goldfish out of 5

Thanks for your continued reading. Tomorrow's story is called "You've Gotta Believe Me!" I can't really predict anything based off the title. Not being believed is a pretty common trend in Goosebumps... looks like it's about to be continued.

P.S. Don't Write Back - 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps #12

Another day another tale. Today I'll be reviewing "P.S. Don't Write Back." Is this about a pen pal that has really been a ghost the whole time? That's my only guess. Let's see if I'm right.

Home Run Dave is the humble name of the protagonist of this one. He's spending his summer at Camp Timber Lake Hills. As his name would suggest, he is the star of the camp's softball team. Not everything is perfect for ol' Dave though. While usually he receives lots of letters and care packages from his family, he has yet to get any mail whatsoever.

He tries to solve this situation by checking it out with some people at camp. He even tries to call home but that's only for emergencies. His efforts are not in vain though. The next day he gets a letter. It just doesn't happen to be the letter he expected. It's a rather short note that basically says they are not going to come and visit him on visiting day, and is followed by the title of this story, "PS Don't Write Back."

How could this be? What has happened to his family that they would treat him so badly? They always come visit! Things don't get better with the next letter. It says that they are sending him to live with his Great-Uncle John. But he lives in a nursing home!

A call home merely gets the answering machine. Because of this he ends up late for the camp scavenger hunt. How can he worry about a scavenger hunt at a time like this? Getting prepared for it, he notices that the address on the letters is for Camp Timber LANE Hills, and not Timber LAKE Hills. That's the name of the camp across the lake. Who the hell makes two camps with such similar names right next to each other? Regardless, he is convinced he has someone else's mail.

This problem is SO IMPORTANT Dave has to solve it right now. He "borrows" a boat and rows across to the rival camp in search for the kid who bares his name. This camp is somber, and a gaunt bony boy greets him by merely pointing towards a door when asked about this other Dave. Other Dave is also haggard, and rather terse. When asked about the letters, and informed that our main Dave shares the same name, this other Dave quickly tells him to leave before the others find out.

Good enough reason to leave I guess. Besides this place is weird. The kids at this camp are all swaying an moaning by the campfire. And then one of them grabs Dave ushering towards the fire, making motions to throw him in. This seems like a good time to break free and run the fuck away. Dave does so. Smart Dave.

Back at his own Camp Dave tells a counselor about it. Problem is, Camp Timber LANE Hills burned down 30 years ago. Oh well, they'll figure it out tomorrow. Just before going to sleep for the night, Dave takes one last look at the letter he got. There was one strange detail he never noticed before. It was postmarked July 10.... 1964.

My Thoughts

Since I've been so focused on these damn twist endings lately, lets get this out of the way... This twist ending actually worked. Like, I'm not saying it was amazing or anything but it worked in the way that scary story twist endings generally work. Upon hearing the ending it didn't make you rethink the story and go "wait, no, that's bullshit and doesn't add up." Yes it was sort of a "they were dead all along" which is a very overused trope in these things, but it was effective and not horribly horribly dumb.

So anyway, off the ending topic... This is another one about Camp. I wonder if these are all going to be about camp. On the cover art it depicts a camp setting. Camp is definitely a classic setting for horror, but it might get played out after 10 stories. I'm hoping the next story takes place somewhere else.

Of course, I could definitely see this being read around a campfire. I am not sure if it would scare the pants off the kids, but it does give a decent amount of spookiness. Encountering the dead without even being aware offers its own kind of unique terror. This follows the trends of a lot of horror stories that have come before it but it's in a nice modern environment and made accessible to 90s kids.

This would be a fun one to share with friends in a tent at night or at their very own summer camp. Perhaps they'll find out that their own camp has their own legends. I never went to camp, but I bet each camp invents some sort of mythology. Why not? Scaring kids is fun! R.L. Stine made a career out of it!

Rating: 3 out of 5 tents that are probably filled with dead kids or something

Thanks for sticking with me this month. Tomorrow I'll be reading "Something Fishy." Will it continue with the camping theme but this time be out fishing on a lake? Maybe they'll catch a ghost fish. Ooooo! Check back tomorrow to find out.

The Werewolf's First Night - 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps #11

I've finished the first book in the 3 book collection that is 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps. You can check out all the review so far right here. This is the second in the "Tales To" series, creatively called More Tales to Give You Goosebumps. It promises 10 more spooky stories. The first of these spooky stories which I'll cover today is "The Werewolf's First Night." I wonder if the werewolf in question is from Fever Swamp... Let's find out shall we.

Brian was headed to Thunder Lake (not Fever Swamp.) They have a camp there for kids, while the parents have fun golfing at the resort. Rumor is there are werewolves at the camp, and naturally that has Brian worried. He is also a bit worried because it's his first time at the teen camp and at 12 he's gonna be one of the youngest people there. Luckily he's not alone because there is a ginger kid named Kevin who is 12 years old too.

Of course there are the older kids. One is named Don and while Brian is the batter during baseball he swears he sees wolf fangs in Don's smile.  Proof of werewolves?

Next he hears wolfish sounds outside his cabin. Is it Don? No, another kid running through the woods like a wild beast. Must be a werewolf.

Even Kevin his potential ally seems to be under the curse. Brian swears he sees him eating raw meat. Now there is no one he can trust.

There is going to be an overnight campout in tents and a full moon combined. This is the worst possible combination. Brian's parents, of course, will not let him get out of it. Face your fears dammit!.

The night of the campout was full of worry. Worry that soon seemed to be well founded. Wolf howls fill the air. Brian finally sees one of the campers covered in hair, with sharp fangs. Then the rest come into view. All werewolves.

Then a new surprise. They take off their wolf masks. Yes, it was all a hazing ritual for the new camper. All a prank.

But then an even newer surprise. Brian growls and sprouts fur. There are claws on his hands and fangs in his mouth. The moon is full and Brian is ready to feed. Maybe camp isn't so bad after all.

My Thoughts

GOD DAMMIT! HE DID IT AGAIN! This story was just like "Vampire's Night Out." Ok so maybe kind of in reverse? In that one all the kids thought the new kid was a vampire, and they wanted her to be because they were all really vampires too. In this one the new kid is afraid all the other kids are werewolves but then it turns out he really is one. GAH. FIGURE OUT A NEW TWIST DAMMIT.

It's stories like these that make me feel like R.L. Stine just has an outline for everything he writes and just fills in new names locations and monster types. There needs to be a bot that auto generates Goosebumps books. I mean, there is already one that auto generates their covers.

This really feels like several other Goosebumps books. Merge Werewolf of Fever Swamp with Welcome to Camp Nightmare and Horror at Camp Jellyjam. Then you just have to smash it all down so it fits on 5 or 6 pages and you have this story.

Rating: 1 teen wolf out of 5

Well More Tales to Give You Goosebumps didn't start off with a bang. Tomorrow we'll see if "P.S. Don't Write Back" can lift our spirits a bit. I theorize that this is what R.L. Stine puts at the end of all of his responses to fan letters... Anyway, catch ya tomorrow!

A Vampire in the Neighborhood - 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps #10

With the completion of this review we will be 1/3 of the way done with 30 Tales to Give You Goosebumps. That means we'll also be done with the original book titled simply Tales to Give You Goosebumps that is contained within the 30 story collection. An what is the tale that will finish it that section off for us? "A Vampire in the Neighborhood." Well I think I get the jist of what the story will be about. Let's see what that vampire has instore for the neighborhood.

Maddy and her 3 friends in sixth grade think the new girl in class is a little strange. She wears the same black skirt every day. She's super pale with black lipstick (or is that just her lips.) Plus, her name is Helga. I think she's probably just goth, but Maddy's friends think there is only one logical conclusion: she's a vampire.

Attempts to talk to Helga have failed. The only thing to do now is start stalking her. They scope out her house but don't find out much information. Of course, no one has ever seen her parents. That's a bit odd.

One day out of the blue Maddy grabbed Helga's hand at school to see if she could feel any life in it. It was unearthly cold. If that is the standard for being a vampire my mom has been one for years.

Time for some more stalking. They scope out her house for the millionth time, but this time Hegla catches them. That's when Maddy decides to be up front. She just asks out loud if Helga is a vampire. Shockingly, she says, "yes." When the group demands to see her fangs, she demands to see theirs first. One by one the kids show her their fangs. Helga is shocked, you see she was just joking. The other kids are vampires but she isn't... yet. She will be soon enough, as the group moves in around her.

My Thoughts

To begin with I've gotta just come out and talk about the twist ending. 

First off it reminds me of the ending of The Girl Who Cried Monster. The twist is quite similar. In that book the librarian is a monster but it turns out the main character and her family are ALSO monsters. This revelation that the main character and her friends are all vampires when they are obsessed with Helga is very close. 

The second thing I've gotta say about it is that the details of the things that happen don't line up with it. They deliberately lead you to astray to the point where they are kind of unforgivably misleading. For example, at one point one of the friends starts discussing things about vampires. He says THEY sleep in coffins. Surely if he was discussing a people that he was a part of he would say WE live in coffins. But even that is a little silly because if the people he was telling this to were also vampires they would already know this so it wouldn't need to be said. It would be like if I was looking in at a human's room and I said, "Does she have a bed? The thing about humans is they sleep in beds."

All in all, the twist is kind of like The Sixth Sense for kids, in that at first you might be like "OH GOSH WHAT A TWIST." Then you stop and think about it for a moment you think, "wait, that doesn't make any goddamn sense!"

Maybe a kid won't care if the twist you try to pull off is well thought out, and makes sense with the story you told but I sure do. Can I get salty about a book meant for 9 year olds? You're damn right I can! I know this was a short story shit out for youngsters and hey M. Night Shyamalan got freaking awards for his also stupid twist ending, but this just doesn't work in my opinion.

Rating: 1 twist out of 5

There you have it. If you have read all my entries so far for October you now have the scoop on the 1994 book Tales to Give You Goosebumps. For some thoughts on that book of short stories as a whole I guess I would say that while they were mostly formulaic and relying on twist endings... so are the full length Goosebumps books, so I guess I can't complain. It is nice to have some short stories that would be good for kids to share with each other. I could see these going over well at sleepovers, camp outs, or perhaps some Halloween reading.

Now onto the next thing. The next portion of my hardcover collection 30 Tales to Give you Goosebumps contains the 1995 sequel to this portion, known ever so creatively as More Tales to Give You Goosebumps. The story I'll discuss tomorrow is "Werewolf's First Night." So help me god if it turns out that all the kids in the story were secretly werewolves the whole time!