Goosebumps HorrorLand #2: Creep From the Deep

Judging a Book by its Cover

You may notice the cover above is not my usual slightly blurry photo of a book from my own collection. If you look close you'll notice it is the cover for the audiobook version of Creep From the Deep. Well that was an astute observation. For the first time ever I'm reviewing the audiobook version of a Goosebumps book! I thought it would be a unique experience. I am not really a big audiobook listener but I thought that one of these books would be short enough to keep my focus and the potential for audio spookiness could add a new layer to the story.

So what do we`ave here? It is number 2 of the HorrorLand series, Creep From the Deep. It is, I believe, a sequel to Deep Trouble which I have already read and reviewed here. There is also a Deep Trouble 2. Which I haven't read yet. I haven't read it yet because I don't own it. I generally like to own the books I'm reading. I made an exception for this audiobook because I got it from the library. It was also the only Goosebumps audiobook they had that I hadn't reviewed yet. Made my choice easy, that's for sure. I don't think I will be missing a lot from Deep Trouble 2 though because these HorrorLand sequels had a tendency to retcon other books in the series. A prime example of this would be that The Scream of the Haunted Mask disregarded everything that happened it The Haunted Mask II.  I have a sneaking suspicion the same thing has happened here (and I might have checked the wiki for it...)

Nevermind that though. I guess I should talk about the cover itself. It prominently features a rather mean looking eel. It's a rather big eel at that. Like... kinda bigger than I think eels get? I suppose that depends on how big the porthole it's busting through is. Deep Trouble's cover featured a shark in the open water. It made you think about how vast the ocean is, and how alone the victim was. This cover makes you feel cramped, claustrophobic, and invaded. It may be the nostalgia talking but I've never thought the later series's covers ever had quite the charm of the originals, but I don't have a lot of complaints about this picture. There is a creep, it looks deep, mission accomplished.

I noticed the reading is performed by Jeff Woodman. A quick googlin' showed me that he has done over 400 audiobooks so I am gonna go out on a limb and say he is probably pretty good at his job. I am optimistic for this reading... or listening rather. It's going to be my first audiobook experience since I was little and listened to a cassette of The Berenstain Bears and the Spooky Old Tree (which might I say was plenty scary in its own right.)

So lets go back to the ocean (I assume) and see what is lurking for us there this time. Is it the eel on the cover? A megalodon? Is a sharknado brewing? Lets find out!

Getting Goosebumps

Meet William Deep Jr. Perhaps you've already met him if you read Deep Trouble (or Deep Trouble 2.) He also goes by Billy, or perhaps as his alter ego The Undersea Mutant. You see he is an underwater hero waging battle against the fearsome Albino Eel. Or maybe he's just a kid with an overactive imagination and the whole first chapter is a fake out fantasy sequence.

Really Billy is on a science boat called The Cassandra with his uncle Dr. D who is a marine biologist. It's a regular Sealab. He likes to try and discover new species like perhaps the infamous Albino Eel? Alas, it seems to be just regular seaweed. Never fear though, just in case he needs protection he trains Billy to man the harpoons. His first throw goes horrible and Billy fatally spears his sister Sheena. Nah, just kidding. She pretended to be hit by a spear. Younger sisters are like that I guess. And even though she may play tricks, she doesn't have quite the imagination Billy does.

So what is the marine biologist vessel doing out in the ocean this time? Hunting pirate treasure actually. Seems odd for a marine biologist to do, but hey, why not. Their target: The Scarlet Skull. Captained by the ruthless Long Ben One-Leg (a name that seems vaguely sexual) this fearsome pirate vessel sank over 200 years ago in a mysterious cloud of black smoke. While checking out a ship site sounds interesting, the real prize is PIRATE TREASURE, ARRRRRRRR. Shan't be easy to be obtaining that ther booty tho, tharrr be zombie pirates guardin' it.

So to explore they have a nice yellow submarine (a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine) called The Deep Diver with which they can explore. But first, the eel has returned to munch on Billy again, unless that's his imagination. Oh. It is. Nevermind then. All aboard! Billy, naturally, gracefully falls straight on his ass upon entering. Now it's time to dive, dive, dive.

Things do not go smoothly on our maiden voyage. There is some engine trouble. The a black cloud The Scarlet Skull. Well on the bright side at least they found what they were looking for. They also found a freakin' skeleton army that starts beating on the ship. The engines won't start. It is the classic moment in a slasher film when the murderer is coming and the cool convertibles ignition won't go. Thankfully Sheena is there to smack the console like Fonzie smacks a jukebox. Problem solved.
eerily like the myth of Cap'n Long Ben envelopes the sub. It is scary, and sickening to the stomach. Even brave Sheena is sacred. Is Dr. D scared? No. Dr. D is... GONE! How could he disappear when they are under water in the middle of the ocean?  Only one thing is for sure, they have to get themselves out of this mess. The kids get the engine going again, but can't control it and crash right into

They manage to steer themselves safe out of the depths, but on the surface The Cassandra is nowhere to be seen. There is an island though. Sheena swims for it, and Billy tries to but the clutz bashes his leg on the way out of the sub and falls into the water. On shore he needs a stick to use as a crutch. Ashore there is no Dr. D, but there is a strange man in a black cloak who turns out to be a corpse. Also there is a trail that looks like skeleton prints. One of the other nice features of the island is a massive pit in which they fall, and then the skeleton pirates capture them. The pirates like to speak in rhyme too. Kooky spooks they are. Anyway, the pirates captured Dr. D so at least he's still alive. Unfortunately they want the kids to give back what was taken from them, and the kids don't know what on earth they are talking about. It must be the treasure, but they don't even have the treasure.

Once again Goosebumps characters decide there is no problem on earth that can't be solved by running away. Unless you meet a big snake, like they do. Then you gotta solve your problems by flinging it the fuck out of the way.

Soon they discover two men on the island. Two LIVING men, which is a big improvement. They are Roger and Goldy, who are photographers and not pirates. They even want to help the kids, and after a fight with some skeletal pirates its off to their motorboat. They want to photograph the shipwreck to get that sweet sweet shipwreck photo money. Is there a lot of money on photographing shipwrecks? Apparently!

They reach the site of the submarine and it's scuba time! While the men are down below Billy uncovers some rifles aboard the boat. Why would photographers need guns? Well the photographers return with the treasure, so all the kids' problems are solved. But the men are actually undead sailors from the pirate ships rival ship which the treasure was stolen off of, and these undead sailors plan on keeping the treasure. So I guess problems not solved. They seemed to have fooled the kids by wearing masks. They must have been really good masks... After tossing the kids overboard Roger the skeleton man touches the red skull jewel on the chest to open it but it turns out to be a trap. It zaps both then men and fries them to ash. That is way more secure than a lock.

After that crazy happening even more crazy shit goes down. The Cassandra somehow just drifting on open water manages to bump into the motorboat. Then the sunken pirate ship rises from the ocean depth with Captain Ben and Dr. D his hostage. He demands what is his be returned, and the kids offer him the treasure but he has no interest in that. No, what Long Ben One-Leg back is the return of his leg. It seems the stick Billy found on the island to use on a crutch was actually the pirate Captain's leg. Sheena shrewdly asks how they can trust he will give back their uncle. The Captain proudly states that he won't give back the uncle either way and he'll murder the kids too. This doesn't seem like the most effective way to get what you want.

Now how do you kill that which is already dead? You throw its own severed leg at it like a harpoon, because your uncle gave you lessons on spear fishing. Why this works is anyone's guess, but it does. The Captain croaks, the red jewel cracks, the pirate ship resinks, Dr. D dies.

Wait.. Dr. D dies? Wait nah, nevermind, he's fine. He advises them that they must go back through the black cloud to return to the living world. Doing so is a success, but sadly the treasure is gone. Does that mean the treasure is dead too? I'm confused. Either way the skull jewel remains, and Billy seems confident it has no more power. All that is left to do is radio for help. The only help they get is dead pirates chanting in rhyme....

This is the end of the book proper.

Now for the HorrorLand section. At the end of each HorrorLand series book, the characters from that book enter HorrorLand and the episodes tie all the books together. Would it have made sense to review all this books in a row? Probably... But I didn't do that...

Soooooo, Billy and Sheena received a special invitation to go to HorrorLand. How could they refuse?

Early on they see two girls in distress at the front desk of the hotel for the park. Their parents have gone missing. Sheena assures them it is just a prank she overheard the employees play on the kids, by moving parents to another room. Traumatizing kids and getting paid for it... is this what being a clown feels like?

The girls are named Britney Crosby and Molly Molloy. I'm guessing their from the first HorrorLand series book but I haven't read that one yet. Either way, they are now worried about a creepy picture on their digital camera. It's of Slappy the Dummy but somehow he is IN HorrorLand and in a picture with all of them including Billy and Sheena. How the hell did that happen? Weird. Must be another HorrorLand Prank.

Their group goes off to quicksand beach and then immediately freak out because they are sinking in quicksand. Did they not understand what the premise of the attraction was? It is especially creepy for Billy because he hears the pirates chanting again. Finally the kids succumb to the sinking and get pulled down by the sand... into a totally wicked sweet slide. Best ride ever! Except... Sheena and Billy don't see the two girls that came with them. Oh well, they are probably not horrifically maimed or dead or anything.

Eventually Billy and Sheena make their way to the games arcade area. One kid with a strange gray keycard is kicking every game's ass and winning all the prizes. He is doing so good the Monster Police come to bust him. The kid sneaks Billy his card and runs away. Billy decides running away is a great idea too

Back at the hotel using the phone is no good because the only person they can dial is a creepy laughing pirate that may or may not be Captain Long Ben One-Leg. I hope it's not long distance.

The kid that gave billy the card turns up at the hotel. His name is Matt Daniels and apparently a strange HorrorLand employee gave it to him. They all decide to see if Britney and Molly are dead or not, which is very nice of them after spending some time at the arcade.

Searching turns up the girls at a cafe. Strange thing is that the door is locked, and it looks odd inside. Luckily the gray keycard opens the door. Inside, the girls are no longer there. In fact, no one is. But there is a mirror. Their reflection reveals Sheena is no longer with them either. But she assures them she is still there. In fact she is there, she is just... INVISIBLE.

My Thoughts

Even in audiobook form, Goosebumps are still Goosebumps. Though the format did alter the experience a bit, it still felt like basically the same old thing. It just made the book take over 2 hours to listen to instead of like a half an hour or so to read. Was it worth it though...

The audiobook aspects of this book were really good! The narrator did a great job. He had unique voices for the very characters that fit with their attitudes. There were nice effects to go with it, like some creepy deep zombie pirate chanting. Plus all the sound effects and really livened things up. It helped make tense moments feel genuinely tense. The whole thing added a level of polish to a foundation that is well... at its heart the generally somewhat average typical Goosebumps story.

If we take away the studio tricks and slick narration does the story hold up? Well, about as well as any other Goosebumps story does. The thing that makes reviewing these books starts to get the same over and over. So many of these books have the same strengths and weakness, the same flaws, the same structure.

So let me compare it to the most obvious title Deep Trouble. This being the sequel to that book we can point out some things. Like the first book, the main interest of the story ends up being supernatural rather than your typical sea creature. The first book had mermaids, this book has the ghost pirates. Unlike the dead swashbucklers in this book, the mermaids of the original weren't villainous. They were a plot aspect to allow man to be the true villain. They are both myths of the sea but have a very different vibe. The first had a bit more of a sci-fi vibe with a small bit of moral quandary (is abducting the mermaids for study ethically alright?) Creep From the Deep is a little more straight horror. Walking pirate corpses that want you dead. It is more scary but perhaps not as interesting.

The whole premise seems a little bit inspired by Pirates of the Caribbean. It's not like that movie was the first to have undead pirates, but the third Pirates movie came out just a year or 2 before this book. Was it an inspiration? Maybe...

Anyway, as a whole this book was a pretty fun piratey adventure. The audiobook aspects of it were really well done and added something to the experience. I won't say that I am an audiobook convert, I still like reading books the old fashioned way but I can see the appeal.

Rating: 4 out of 5 spooky pirates

Up Next

Honestly, the next review might take awhile. December is a pretty busy month for me, so this might be the last review for 2018. When I do finally get around to update again I will probably go back to the original series. Of course, something interesting may catch my eye by then. We'll see. As always, thanks for reading.

Goosebumps #35 A Shocker on Shock Street

Judging a Book by It's Cover

At first glance it seems this book is about a giant praying mantis wrecking up a town. When you look a little bit closer you see that the mantis is metallic. So why is there a giant metal mantis? Is it some kind of alien race? Did a mad scientist build a robot for revenge? Did a regular giant mantis fall into a giant puddle of molten metal? Also, who names a city street "Shock Street?"

According to the tagline Shock Street is a "real dead end." Get it? Like literally dead, because you will die on that street. It actually works as a pun. Good job. The back tagline is "talk about shock treatment!" I assume because the monsters will give you a figurative shock rather than a literal electric shock. Though they do seem to be robot bugs. Genuine shocks could be in store. Who knows. Lets find out.

Getting Goosebumps

We begin with best friends Erin and Marty being scared witless by a wolf headed crab monster. A crab monster with a wolf head? I am imagining what that looks like and it seems really really stupid. Like isn't the dangerous part of a huge crab monster the claws? What good is a wolf head without the mobility of a wolf? Crabs just kind of scuttle around. Oh hell, whatever. The wolf crab is on a movie screen. They are watching a horror movie. It's Shocker on Shock Street VI. The cinematic masterpiece ends with the wolf crab being boiled alive and the citizens dining like kids. I expect it to sweep the Oscars. Erin's dad works with "movie people" and got them tickets to an advanced screening. While they talk about how great the special effects are they ponder what it would be like if they monsters they saw were real. Then they walked into the wolf crab monster! He of course turns out to be a guy in a costume. Chapter 3 and already someone tried to scream but no sound could come out. I should keep track of the earliest instance of this Goosebumps trope.

Up they go to dad's office. He has a sweet job designing rad theme parks. His office is filled with toys and awesome stuff. He is basically the coolest. Unfortunately he has bad news. Very bad news. The bad news is that he tricked you! Heeeyoooo what a kidder. He actually has supremely good news. He's been designing Shocker Studio's tour and the kids get to go on a test run of it. In their excitement Erin asks if mom can come too. Dad seems perplexed and a little concerned by this question. It's decided they should go alone. Not even dad is going with. They are slightly dismayed to learn they have to stay on the tram and all times so they can't go walking around on Shock Street. Mostly though they are psyched. What kid wouldn't be? They are even armed with Shocker Stun Ray Blasters which seems like 1 word too many for the weapons. Apparently they can freeze monsters at up to 20 feet. So they don't even have the range of a Super Soaker? Lame! They are effective though, Linda who handed them out fumbled with one and shot herself, freezing up instantly. Oh wait, she was joking. Isn't any mother fucker in Goosebumps capable of not kidding around?

Onto the automated tram they go. First stop, the Haunted House of Horror. That sounds both super generic and also a little redundant. It seems pretty much like a regular haunted house. Skeletons, jumpscares, general spookiness. Erin is already getting freaked out but Marty thinks it's pretty funny. The lights go out. Marty Disappears, except not really. Some kind of special effects or something? That doesn't really make sense to me. Oh well. The tram turned into more of a rollercoaster zipping around the house in darkness. The tram goes out of control and they bounce around the seats flopping all over. Marty thinks it's great. Marty is an idiot.

They burst outside coming to a stop between two bushes. Then the monsters come out. Luckily, they are just there to sign autographs. Autographs aren't very scary. Still who doesn't want an autograph from "Ape Face" or "the Toadinator." I better not see those autographs on E-Bay, kids!

Next stop, Cave of the Living Creeps! Erin is worried there will be bats. She should have been worried about the bunches of foot long worms that fall all over them. Are those real worms? PETA is
gonna be pissed! Next they are covered in spiders. Is this a studio tour or an episode of Fear Factor? Won't get get expensive to keep buying tons of spiders and worms to dump on people?

Finally the tram comes to a stop and then... nothing. While pondering what the deal is, Marty spooks Erin by disappearing again, this time merely stepping off the tram onto the cave floor. Dad said stay in the tram at all times. This can't be good. It could start back up any moment now! It doesn't though and they decide to walk and find help.

So at this point are you confused as to why the cover of the book has a giant metal mantis on it? Well just then a giant metal mantis shows up. Two actually. They try to go back to the tram now that the spooking seems to have resumed but their exit is cut off by the bugs. Two more mantises appear. One of them headbutts Erin. You would think a headbut from a 16 foot tall robot bug would hurt more than Erin lets on. They're surrounded and the mantises are spitting super hot black goo at them. They consider using the stun guns but realize they are still in the tram. They decide to deal with them the way you deal with real bugs, by stepping on them. A stomp to the toes makes them reel back and allows them to make a break for it. Why would you program robot bugs to feel pain? And if they aren't robots, they are still metal. Surely a meager stomping wouldn't hurt?

Thankfully they finally get outside. But wait, one of the mantises is eating Marty. April fools. Seriously? Fuck you Marty. Now is no time to be joking around. Also "April fools" is a dumb line. Come up with something clever kid. After some consideration as to whether or not the whole ride has gone haywire they realize they are on Shock Street. THE Shock Street. Soon they find the cemetery from the movie Cemetary on Shock Street. Marty wants to see it. Erin has a bad feeling about this. Bullheaded Marty wins. He openes up the gate, takes a few steps, and falls straight into an open grave. Serves him right. Erin should just leave his ass there. She is a better person than I am though. She checks on him and the moron thinks falling into an open grave is super cool. They examine their surroundings and find spooooky gravestone names like, "Jim Socks" and "Ben Dover." Classic.

Suddenly hands shoot up from the ground. Voices beckon them to come down. They grab at them but Erin breaks free. Marty is not so lucky. Thankfully once again Erin proves she is a good friend and doesn't ditch him. Then heads start rising up from the ground. The zombie hordes are enough to finally scare Marty and they book it on out of there.

Running for their lives they find an unfamiliar mansion. Unfortunately it is not their salvation it is their doom. They sink into the ground. Mud covers them and they nearly abandon hope but they are rescued. Who is their savior? Dad? No of course not, it's Wolf Girl and Wolf Boy. It seems their rescuers are more interested in scaring and possibly eating them though. Erin has had enough of their shenanigans. She goes to rip off their masks but discovers only real fur and real flesh. They climb a wall to get out of reach but that won't keep them at bay for long. Erin takes out Marty's ray gun. Because I am terrible at what I do I neglected to mention that while escaping the mantises they grabbed their guns. Sadly it proves to be utterly useless.

But wait! What's that? The tram is coming back! They run to the vehicle as fast as they can, motivated I assume by sheer terror. They manage to catch up to it, saved at last! Except Marty falls over his own fucking feet and then trips up Erin. I told her to leave his ass behind! But you didn't listen to me, did you book? Up fast Erin  manages to catch it again and jump in. Marty is behind her but manages to do the same after a while. How did the Wolf People not catch them? Are they slow as shit? They are supposed to be unequaled killing machines! I am disappointed. Two kids can catch up to a tram but Wolf People can't? For shame.

It is then they realize they aren't alone on the ride anymore. Dad said they would be the only passengers but it looks like the tram made a detour and picked up some skeletons. Also the tram seems to be going the wrong way. Also the tram is now going too fast for them to jump out. Also the tram is going to smash into a wall. They jump after all. Wait, they said it was going to fast to do that. And they said it picked up even  more speed after they decided that. Well either way they jumped and the tram went THROUGH the wall somehow, and everything seemed to be fine for it. Holograms perhaps? They go up to the wall to check but it is totally solid. Confused and frightened, Marty wants an explanation. Erin just wants to get the fuck out.

Lost they wind up back on Shock Street. Strange wisps of smoke with eerie faces start popping up all over. Unable to take it anymore Erin freezes up totally. Thankfully their scene is over? Huh? Russ Denver movie director explains that it is all special effects. Really her dad should have told them in his opinion. He directs them to where dad is, in Shockro's House of Shocks. They are a bit worried they'll get shocked, like in the movie, but he puts their minds at ease. He turns away to go about his business and Erin notices a power cord plugged into him. He's a robot! And not even a good robot, he needs an external power source! And Marty entering Shockro's House! Exclamation point! She tries to save him but in a flash he is laid out on the floor. Too late!

Unable to save her best friend she realizes quickly she is not alone. Dad is here. He is confused why the kids are also in the building. She tries to explain quickly how everything has gone wrong. As she looks closer, she realizes it isn't her father after all. She can't function anymore. She has a complete system failure. Literally. Because she is a robot. Yup. Mr. Stine you've done it again! "Dad," has a conversation about the two kid robots malfunctioning. Such a shame because all the monster robots were working perfectly. Oh well, with some repairs they'll be good as new in no time.

What I Thought.

Oooooh boy, what a ride. Literally. Get it, cause the book was about a ride? Anyway this story reminded me in some ways of HorrorLand. Obviously because it involves rides, a studio tour instead of a theme park this time but they are a little interchangeable. This comparison is good, because I think this sort of book works well. You have a good excuse to throw in several different types of scares. It also works to take something that is purposely scary but turn it up a notch when the fake frights prove to be real.

The premise of the kids being movie fanatics and getting to experience things first hand goes over well. I think Stine misses opportunities on this though, as they should be able to get themselves out of some trouble based on their previous movie knowledge. For example, to get away from the giant mantises they decide to stomp on them because they are bugs. This is stupid logic that only flies in a Goosebumps book. I think it would be more clever if they thought back to how the movie monsters were defeated in their movies, and tried it out for themselves. At least once. You could even subvert the trope and have them try it only to fail.

So the plot. It's very "on rails." Almost literally, though the tram has been described as railless. The plot is literally that all these events in a tour are happening to them. It's like you're experiencing the ride for yourself. I don't think this kind of plot would work if repeated too often in the series, but I think it does it's job here. Frankly the plots of these books are never outstanding, so having it just be a sequence of scares that happen one after the other doesn't hurt.

Of course there is the twist ending. Now some twist endings make me groan. This one make me chuckle and say to myself "Stine you son of a bitch!" I think the kids turning out to be robots actually kinda works. Of course it doesn't bare a whole lot of scrutiny. When you think about it you're like, "well why would they need to program robotic kids just to test a ride?" When it gets right down to it it actually doesn't make any sense at all. But I'll allow it this time. It's ridiculous in a way that entertains. He did drop a couple of stupid hints early on. First he described the kids as both looking extremely similar even though they weren't related. Also, Erinbot mentioned her mother and "dad" got confused but at the end he mentioned he should have realized they were malfunction then since obviously the robots have no mother.

Now I like to talk about how I'd try to fix these books, but besides the little details  I've already mentioned I don't know that there is much I'd do. I think it works for what it is. It's the most enjoyable Goosebumps I've read in quite awhile.

Rating: 4 movie monsters out of 5

Up Next

It's October! Scientists have proved that October is the spookiest month of the year. Because of that I am HOPING to get out 3 new updates to my site this month. Two special book reviews and another entry looking at alternate cover art. I can't guarantee it, but I'll try my darnedest. Until next time.

Give Yourself Goosebumps #1: Escape From the Carnival of Horrors

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Goosebumps post to bring you a "special" Halloween one. Instead of doing the next book of the regular series I bring you Give Yourself Goosebumps #1: Escape From the Carnival of Horrors. The Give Yourself Goosebumps series were Choose Your Adventure style books.

If you don't know what those are, why are you reading this blog? You grew up in the wrong generation! To explain it simply, at the end of pages, it would give you a choice. If you want to enter the cellar turn to page 8, if you want to go to the attic, turn to page 27. Usually 90% of the endings were bad and involve you never being seen or heard from again. Then there is usually one ok ending where you make it out alive but barely. And usually there is about 1 "good" ending where things turn out just peachy.

This presents a moderate difficulty in writing synopsis and reviews. Do I read all 20-30 endings? No. I am far too lazy, and that doesn't present an interesting narrative. I have decided I am going to read through exactly 3 plots. Whatever happens I will report back to you... But first...

Judging a Book By Its Cover

 

The first thing you'd notice about this book if you actually held it in your hands is that it is SHINY! It's hard to tell from the photo of it, but it has that special stuff that makes it reflect like all cool... I forget what you call it, but it shows different colors at different angles. Nifty.

The second thing you'd notice of course would be the gnarly purple gator breaking out of its cage. Why purple? Is green not scary enough? Is Barney more terrifying than Godzilla? Well... kind of, but for entirely different reasons.

There is no tagline on the front, which is kind of a bummer. The back of the book isn't actually shiny. It is normal Goosebumps style dual color ooze. I suppose since it has the text blurb about the book it couldn't really be sparkly. It does have one tagline on back. "Take a ride if you dare...." Oh, I dare. Lets get to it. Reader Beware, I Choose The Scare!

Getting Goosebumps

Attempt 1:

It's in the first person, and I am the first person. My best friends Patty and Brad have been arguing since the start of summer vacation. We are all bored. Perhaps we should bike over to where they are setting up the carnival! Of course last year they had the Terror Track which wound up being a kid's train. Patty, however, being bossy makes the decision for us. We're going. When we get there it's all locked up. Do we break in or chicken out and Go Home.

GO HOME, PAGE 10: What's wrong with me. If I went home now the narrative that is my life would be over! That's lame. I get no more illusion of choice, I am climbing that damn fence and breaking in. (Yes seriously, this is what the page was like.)

COMMIT BREAKING AND ENTERING, PAGE 6: We hop the fence and though there is still the kiddy train, there is also pretty awesome stuff like a rocket coaster and arcade games. While gawking at a sign for a freak show a man comes up from behind us telling us we aren't supposed to be there. Uh oh! It's Big Al the owner, but instead of kicking us out he wants us to test out the stuff in the park. That doesn't seem suspicious at all! But do I wanna check out the rides or the midway?

STRAIGHT TO THE RIDES, YO!, PAGE 34: On the one hand there is a giant-ass roller coaster with cars that look like shuttles and the tracks go almost up the clouds it seems! That's what Brad and Patty are doing. Of course, behind me there is organ music coming from the Little House of Horrors and I do love me some haunted houses...

TO THE COASTER I SAY! PAGE 26: It's pretty sweet. It goes hella fast, and loops and all kinds of crap. However, it stops dead, and my friends Brad and Patty are gone. Do I sit here and wait for help? or perhaps I should hop out of the car..

I PLAY IT CAUTIOUS AND WAIT FOR HELP, PAGE 92: I wait for 15 minutes then start to feel... strange... like someone is watching me. Then there is rustling and strange smells... I feel sick. I can't move. 2 guys come in and say the perfume worked and haul me off to be a real life display for the park. Next time I'll know better! Or will I? Because there wont be a next time! This is... THE END? (or is it? mwahahaha)

Attempt 2

Once again my friends and I are bored, we go to the carnival and I don't fight the urge to break in this time. Big Al shows up and lets us have free reign. Rides, or Midway?

AWW YEAH, CHECKIN' OUT THE MIDWAY, PAGE 77: There is plenty of cool stuff here, but I'm drawn to the fortune teller. She reads my palms and says there is horror in my future. Sounds bad... Then she tells me to pick a card. Do I go red or blue?

WELL BLUE IS MY FAVORITE COLOR... PAGE 59 (Hah it actually says blue is my favorite color when I turned the page.) The card says the freaks at the freak show are in trouble and I'm their only hope! When I inquire what this is all about the lights go out with a scream and the fortune teller is gone. When I try to grab the card it bursts in to flame. Do I keep going along with this and help the freaks, or do I say screw em?

I CAN'T RESIST HELPING FREAKS, PAGE 11: I race to tell Brad and Patty about my predicament. They're in. We race to the freak show. The door says KEEP OUT, so naturally we bust in. Turns out they are slaves in a prison, and Big Al is the freaks' master and he is just about to show up. Do I stay and give em

him a stern lecture or should we book it down the hall?

I'M NO FOOL, GET OUTTA THERE! PAGE 48: We get outta there, but escape right into a reptile petting zoo. What a messed up idea! Some of the snakes are coming to try and cuddle us. We need to get out of here. Should we go left or right?

RIGHT SEEMS RIGHT, PAGE 12: We book it like mad, but then there is a crashing sound behind us. Then on the sides of us. Then in front of us. We're trapped. It is then that we here a voice welcoming us to the reptile petting zoo. The alligator, it seems, has been lonely. And we are its new pets. THE END (or is it!?)

Attempt 3

Yadda yadda yadda bored, go to carnival. Blah blah blah break in, Big Al. Rides or Midway?

RIDES, PAGE 34: Coaster like before? Or Haunted House?

HAUNTED HOUSE! PAGE 64: So I ditch Brad and Patty and head off to the Little House of Horrors. There is a rickety bridge to get there. It sways and creaks and as a thunder bolt of lightning (very very frightening) goes off I fall. Do I try and grab at the bridge or do I flap my arms like a bird (that is seriously an option.)

I FLAP MY ARMS BECAUSE THAT IS TOO RIDICULOUS TO PASS UP, PAGE 30:

Well I can't think of anything else to do so I flap my arms like a bird. Just then a big gust of air comes up under me and blows me back up onto the bridge. No shit? What are the odds! I go to the haunted house and look back at the void I almost fell into. The bridge is gone. Cool special affects! It's not like I almost died or something. I notice at the Little House of Horrors there is also the Boat Trip to Nowhere. Do I get side tracked to no where or do I stick with the haunted house?

SCREW GOING NOWHERE, ON TO THE HAUNTED HOUSE! PAGE 66: Near the entrance a skeleton taps me on the back and tells me if I go in I'll wind up like him. Awesome! Inside its totally dark. I can't even see my hands. I stumble around... Finally I find myself in a house of mirrors! Do I go left or right?

RIGHT WONT FAIL ME AGAIN, PAGE 29: I go to my right, and get frustrated. Punching the wall seems like a good idea after staring at all these images of me. After I do so the walls start closing in on me. Literally. Right when it seems like I'm about to be crushed the floor falls out from under me and I'm caught in a net to someone declaring that a new player has entered. A short creepy man and some 7 foot tall beastly monsters great me. Apparently he is "Dr. Frank-N-Stone" which has got to be the worst name I've ever heard. I sounds like a Flintstones villain. Anyway, he is the one who created the Carnival of Horrors. Do I kick him and try and escape? Or do I wait for the hulking monsters to leave first.

KICK HIM AND TAKE MY CHANCES, 79: I kick him, but nothing happens! I kick him harder and my foot busts through him... to... metal. He's a robot!? Awesome, I deactivated him but now those creatures are after me.One of them pins me up against the wall and I give its head a shove. The head comes off. It was a robot too! Now one left... but is it also a robot? Or do I think he's a real monster...

ONE OF EM'S GOTTA BE A REAL MONSTER, PAGE 110, Well I was right that it wasn't a robot. It wasn't however, a monster. It's Big Al and he thinks what I've got what it takes to be in the Carnival of Horrors. I however, am not a fan of that idea. He assures me that I can't leave. We go into the next room and people in old timey clothes welcome me to the Carnival of Horrors. It appears in different places each night and tonight it was in my town, and there is no getting out... or is there? Apparently if I can escape before midnight, I'm ok. But it's 11:40 and the floor has started to shake... Suddenly I appear outside with my friends again. I tell them we've gotta be out before midnight. Patty says the exit is by the Hall of the Mountain King. Brad says its by the Halloween express.

ITS HALLOWEEN SO I SAY HALLOWEEN EXPRESS, PAGE 108: We head that away, then hop into some cars and drive off. A skeleton comes out at us and we drive by. Then there are zombies and ghostly figures. We should jump out and run! But am I able to?

I'LL BE HONEST, NO... I CAN'T, PAGE 127: Well it doesn't matter, I crash through the ghost! Take that! But now we have to hide from the Carnival folk. Do we all hide in the cannon, or in the kiddy choo-choo train!

I CHOO CHOO CHOOSE YOU! Page 128 It starts chiming to 12. I however notice the train is called Right Way Railroad. There is only one RIGHT WAY out... Could I be right? We go through a tunnel and once through we see Carnival Workers everywhere... Regular, run of the mill carnival workers. At the same rinky-dink tiny Carnival we have every year. No monsters or zombies anywhere. This carnival just has baby games and lame food stands. It's he greatest carnival ever. Whew.

What I thought

Woohoo I survived! Rarely do I survive these things, and I swear to gosh I didn't even cheat by looking ahead. The choo choo always gets you where you wanna go. Ultimately each of my ventures whether I survived or not was fairly long in terms of these books. I was pleasantly surprised.

Yes, this was far more enjoyable than I remember these things. I recall dying every other page. Maybe I just got lucky and got some longer strains, or maybe perhaps maybe RL Stine did an ok job with this? I guess limiting myself to 3 attempts helped make it more enjoyable. A common ploy of people who read these is to keep a finger on pages with choices so you can go back and do the other if you fail. That's not really that fun, however it does help if your only goal is to see every ending. And if you own it you probably do want to see every ending.

It would have been nice to get a little bit of characterization. I know I was the main character, but it seems like you ditch your friends a lot. They were pretty much irrelevant characters. They were there so I wouldn't be alone... but I was alone most of the time. What's the point?

Ultimately the strength of this book came from the setting. There are a lot of things to do in a Carnival and I got the opportunity to do a lot of them. Roller coasters, haunted houses, fortune tellers. Good stuff. If only I could have had some ghostly food. Perhaps an I SCREAM cone, or uhh... Hell I dunno.

Rating: 3 out of 5 Corn Dogs

Up Next!

Next time we we'll be back to to your regularly schedule classic Goosebumps. I just did this special for Halloween because I only have a few of the Choose your Own Goosebumps series, and I don't know when I should review them. I doubt I'll go out and get them all, so I'll just throw them into the mix every now and again. Hope you enjoyed it. Happy Halloween!