Goosebumps HorrorLand #2: Creep From the Deep

Judging a Book by its Cover

You may notice the cover above is not my usual slightly blurry photo of a book from my own collection. If you look close you'll notice it is the cover for the audiobook version of Creep From the Deep. Well that was an astute observation. For the first time ever I'm reviewing the audiobook version of a Goosebumps book! I thought it would be a unique experience. I am not really a big audiobook listener but I thought that one of these books would be short enough to keep my focus and the potential for audio spookiness could add a new layer to the story.

So what do we`ave here? It is number 2 of the HorrorLand series, Creep From the Deep. It is, I believe, a sequel to Deep Trouble which I have already read and reviewed here. There is also a Deep Trouble 2. Which I haven't read yet. I haven't read it yet because I don't own it. I generally like to own the books I'm reading. I made an exception for this audiobook because I got it from the library. It was also the only Goosebumps audiobook they had that I hadn't reviewed yet. Made my choice easy, that's for sure. I don't think I will be missing a lot from Deep Trouble 2 though because these HorrorLand sequels had a tendency to retcon other books in the series. A prime example of this would be that The Scream of the Haunted Mask disregarded everything that happened it The Haunted Mask II.  I have a sneaking suspicion the same thing has happened here (and I might have checked the wiki for it...)

Nevermind that though. I guess I should talk about the cover itself. It prominently features a rather mean looking eel. It's a rather big eel at that. Like... kinda bigger than I think eels get? I suppose that depends on how big the porthole it's busting through is. Deep Trouble's cover featured a shark in the open water. It made you think about how vast the ocean is, and how alone the victim was. This cover makes you feel cramped, claustrophobic, and invaded. It may be the nostalgia talking but I've never thought the later series's covers ever had quite the charm of the originals, but I don't have a lot of complaints about this picture. There is a creep, it looks deep, mission accomplished.

I noticed the reading is performed by Jeff Woodman. A quick googlin' showed me that he has done over 400 audiobooks so I am gonna go out on a limb and say he is probably pretty good at his job. I am optimistic for this reading... or listening rather. It's going to be my first audiobook experience since I was little and listened to a cassette of The Berenstain Bears and the Spooky Old Tree (which might I say was plenty scary in its own right.)

So lets go back to the ocean (I assume) and see what is lurking for us there this time. Is it the eel on the cover? A megalodon? Is a sharknado brewing? Lets find out!

Getting Goosebumps

Meet William Deep Jr. Perhaps you've already met him if you read Deep Trouble (or Deep Trouble 2.) He also goes by Billy, or perhaps as his alter ego The Undersea Mutant. You see he is an underwater hero waging battle against the fearsome Albino Eel. Or maybe he's just a kid with an overactive imagination and the whole first chapter is a fake out fantasy sequence.

Really Billy is on a science boat called The Cassandra with his uncle Dr. D who is a marine biologist. It's a regular Sealab. He likes to try and discover new species like perhaps the infamous Albino Eel? Alas, it seems to be just regular seaweed. Never fear though, just in case he needs protection he trains Billy to man the harpoons. His first throw goes horrible and Billy fatally spears his sister Sheena. Nah, just kidding. She pretended to be hit by a spear. Younger sisters are like that I guess. And even though she may play tricks, she doesn't have quite the imagination Billy does.

So what is the marine biologist vessel doing out in the ocean this time? Hunting pirate treasure actually. Seems odd for a marine biologist to do, but hey, why not. Their target: The Scarlet Skull. Captained by the ruthless Long Ben One-Leg (a name that seems vaguely sexual) this fearsome pirate vessel sank over 200 years ago in a mysterious cloud of black smoke. While checking out a ship site sounds interesting, the real prize is PIRATE TREASURE, ARRRRRRRR. Shan't be easy to be obtaining that ther booty tho, tharrr be zombie pirates guardin' it.

So to explore they have a nice yellow submarine (a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine) called The Deep Diver with which they can explore. But first, the eel has returned to munch on Billy again, unless that's his imagination. Oh. It is. Nevermind then. All aboard! Billy, naturally, gracefully falls straight on his ass upon entering. Now it's time to dive, dive, dive.

Things do not go smoothly on our maiden voyage. There is some engine trouble. The a black cloud The Scarlet Skull. Well on the bright side at least they found what they were looking for. They also found a freakin' skeleton army that starts beating on the ship. The engines won't start. It is the classic moment in a slasher film when the murderer is coming and the cool convertibles ignition won't go. Thankfully Sheena is there to smack the console like Fonzie smacks a jukebox. Problem solved.
eerily like the myth of Cap'n Long Ben envelopes the sub. It is scary, and sickening to the stomach. Even brave Sheena is sacred. Is Dr. D scared? No. Dr. D is... GONE! How could he disappear when they are under water in the middle of the ocean?  Only one thing is for sure, they have to get themselves out of this mess. The kids get the engine going again, but can't control it and crash right into

They manage to steer themselves safe out of the depths, but on the surface The Cassandra is nowhere to be seen. There is an island though. Sheena swims for it, and Billy tries to but the clutz bashes his leg on the way out of the sub and falls into the water. On shore he needs a stick to use as a crutch. Ashore there is no Dr. D, but there is a strange man in a black cloak who turns out to be a corpse. Also there is a trail that looks like skeleton prints. One of the other nice features of the island is a massive pit in which they fall, and then the skeleton pirates capture them. The pirates like to speak in rhyme too. Kooky spooks they are. Anyway, the pirates captured Dr. D so at least he's still alive. Unfortunately they want the kids to give back what was taken from them, and the kids don't know what on earth they are talking about. It must be the treasure, but they don't even have the treasure.

Once again Goosebumps characters decide there is no problem on earth that can't be solved by running away. Unless you meet a big snake, like they do. Then you gotta solve your problems by flinging it the fuck out of the way.

Soon they discover two men on the island. Two LIVING men, which is a big improvement. They are Roger and Goldy, who are photographers and not pirates. They even want to help the kids, and after a fight with some skeletal pirates its off to their motorboat. They want to photograph the shipwreck to get that sweet sweet shipwreck photo money. Is there a lot of money on photographing shipwrecks? Apparently!

They reach the site of the submarine and it's scuba time! While the men are down below Billy uncovers some rifles aboard the boat. Why would photographers need guns? Well the photographers return with the treasure, so all the kids' problems are solved. But the men are actually undead sailors from the pirate ships rival ship which the treasure was stolen off of, and these undead sailors plan on keeping the treasure. So I guess problems not solved. They seemed to have fooled the kids by wearing masks. They must have been really good masks... After tossing the kids overboard Roger the skeleton man touches the red skull jewel on the chest to open it but it turns out to be a trap. It zaps both then men and fries them to ash. That is way more secure than a lock.

After that crazy happening even more crazy shit goes down. The Cassandra somehow just drifting on open water manages to bump into the motorboat. Then the sunken pirate ship rises from the ocean depth with Captain Ben and Dr. D his hostage. He demands what is his be returned, and the kids offer him the treasure but he has no interest in that. No, what Long Ben One-Leg back is the return of his leg. It seems the stick Billy found on the island to use on a crutch was actually the pirate Captain's leg. Sheena shrewdly asks how they can trust he will give back their uncle. The Captain proudly states that he won't give back the uncle either way and he'll murder the kids too. This doesn't seem like the most effective way to get what you want.

Now how do you kill that which is already dead? You throw its own severed leg at it like a harpoon, because your uncle gave you lessons on spear fishing. Why this works is anyone's guess, but it does. The Captain croaks, the red jewel cracks, the pirate ship resinks, Dr. D dies.

Wait.. Dr. D dies? Wait nah, nevermind, he's fine. He advises them that they must go back through the black cloud to return to the living world. Doing so is a success, but sadly the treasure is gone. Does that mean the treasure is dead too? I'm confused. Either way the skull jewel remains, and Billy seems confident it has no more power. All that is left to do is radio for help. The only help they get is dead pirates chanting in rhyme....

This is the end of the book proper.

Now for the HorrorLand section. At the end of each HorrorLand series book, the characters from that book enter HorrorLand and the episodes tie all the books together. Would it have made sense to review all this books in a row? Probably... But I didn't do that...

Soooooo, Billy and Sheena received a special invitation to go to HorrorLand. How could they refuse?

Early on they see two girls in distress at the front desk of the hotel for the park. Their parents have gone missing. Sheena assures them it is just a prank she overheard the employees play on the kids, by moving parents to another room. Traumatizing kids and getting paid for it... is this what being a clown feels like?

The girls are named Britney Crosby and Molly Molloy. I'm guessing their from the first HorrorLand series book but I haven't read that one yet. Either way, they are now worried about a creepy picture on their digital camera. It's of Slappy the Dummy but somehow he is IN HorrorLand and in a picture with all of them including Billy and Sheena. How the hell did that happen? Weird. Must be another HorrorLand Prank.

Their group goes off to quicksand beach and then immediately freak out because they are sinking in quicksand. Did they not understand what the premise of the attraction was? It is especially creepy for Billy because he hears the pirates chanting again. Finally the kids succumb to the sinking and get pulled down by the sand... into a totally wicked sweet slide. Best ride ever! Except... Sheena and Billy don't see the two girls that came with them. Oh well, they are probably not horrifically maimed or dead or anything.

Eventually Billy and Sheena make their way to the games arcade area. One kid with a strange gray keycard is kicking every game's ass and winning all the prizes. He is doing so good the Monster Police come to bust him. The kid sneaks Billy his card and runs away. Billy decides running away is a great idea too

Back at the hotel using the phone is no good because the only person they can dial is a creepy laughing pirate that may or may not be Captain Long Ben One-Leg. I hope it's not long distance.

The kid that gave billy the card turns up at the hotel. His name is Matt Daniels and apparently a strange HorrorLand employee gave it to him. They all decide to see if Britney and Molly are dead or not, which is very nice of them after spending some time at the arcade.

Searching turns up the girls at a cafe. Strange thing is that the door is locked, and it looks odd inside. Luckily the gray keycard opens the door. Inside, the girls are no longer there. In fact, no one is. But there is a mirror. Their reflection reveals Sheena is no longer with them either. But she assures them she is still there. In fact she is there, she is just... INVISIBLE.

My Thoughts

Even in audiobook form, Goosebumps are still Goosebumps. Though the format did alter the experience a bit, it still felt like basically the same old thing. It just made the book take over 2 hours to listen to instead of like a half an hour or so to read. Was it worth it though...

The audiobook aspects of this book were really good! The narrator did a great job. He had unique voices for the very characters that fit with their attitudes. There were nice effects to go with it, like some creepy deep zombie pirate chanting. Plus all the sound effects and really livened things up. It helped make tense moments feel genuinely tense. The whole thing added a level of polish to a foundation that is well... at its heart the generally somewhat average typical Goosebumps story.

If we take away the studio tricks and slick narration does the story hold up? Well, about as well as any other Goosebumps story does. The thing that makes reviewing these books starts to get the same over and over. So many of these books have the same strengths and weakness, the same flaws, the same structure.

So let me compare it to the most obvious title Deep Trouble. This being the sequel to that book we can point out some things. Like the first book, the main interest of the story ends up being supernatural rather than your typical sea creature. The first book had mermaids, this book has the ghost pirates. Unlike the dead swashbucklers in this book, the mermaids of the original weren't villainous. They were a plot aspect to allow man to be the true villain. They are both myths of the sea but have a very different vibe. The first had a bit more of a sci-fi vibe with a small bit of moral quandary (is abducting the mermaids for study ethically alright?) Creep From the Deep is a little more straight horror. Walking pirate corpses that want you dead. It is more scary but perhaps not as interesting.

The whole premise seems a little bit inspired by Pirates of the Caribbean. It's not like that movie was the first to have undead pirates, but the third Pirates movie came out just a year or 2 before this book. Was it an inspiration? Maybe...

Anyway, as a whole this book was a pretty fun piratey adventure. The audiobook aspects of it were really well done and added something to the experience. I won't say that I am an audiobook convert, I still like reading books the old fashioned way but I can see the appeal.

Rating: 4 out of 5 spooky pirates

Up Next

Honestly, the next review might take awhile. December is a pretty busy month for me, so this might be the last review for 2018. When I do finally get around to update again I will probably go back to the original series. Of course, something interesting may catch my eye by then. We'll see. As always, thanks for reading.

Goosebumps Comics: Monsters at Midnight

Here I am, back to Goosebumps but a little bit different. This time I am covering some Goosebumps comics. Now some time ago I reviewed Goosebumps Graphix #1 which was a collection of 3 adaptations of Goosebumps novels into comic form. What I'm talking about now is a little different.

Goosebumps comics published by IDW Comics are instead original stories inspired by the classic books. So far they have published 2 stories which are comprised of 3 comics a piece. If you don't want to track down back issues the first story, Monsters at Midnight which I am gonna talk about a little here has been collected into a hardcover collecting the 3 comics.

I am not going to write up a complete synopsis of the story like I do for my regular reviews. Those reviews are for books 20 years old I want to relive. This is a modern book, out this year, and I think you should all go out and buy it to experience it for yourself.

Of course... I should tell you a little about it. So Mia and Ginny are spending their summer vacation with grandma and things aren't quite going as thrillingly as planned. When Ginny spots a creepy book store and wants to find a copy of a book that should be quite familiar to Goosebumps fans, the girls sneak out at midnight to find it but get more than they bargained for! I will say they wind up ultimately in a place which faithful readers should be quite familiar with, and some characters that they should be familiar with to.

This isn't just a rehash though. The story is all new, and they find some new characters along the way quite important to the plot. Ultimately it is a nice mishmash of things old and familiar with some newness mixed in.

I think this book would be great both as a way to introduce kids to Goosebumps or to excite someone who is already really familiar with the brand. If they have read a bunch of Goosebumps they'll see a lot of references they know and love. But it isn't just a "remember this!?" book. Example, at one point the girls get served a nice big bottle of Monster Blood. If you're familiar with that book you'll get a smile of seeing the ooze appearing. If you aren't familiar it'll still be a gross bottle of slime, and maybe if you get into the series later on you'll be familiar and then love the reference when you figure it out.

The plot is fairly solid for a comic book. It manages to both feel like a Goosebumps yet not feel entirely shackled down by the format. It has some trademarks the series is known for. Comic book versions of jumpscares for example. But also the plot doesn't really play out in a way I think a Goosebumps book traditionally would... and I think that's fine! After how many hundreds of Goosebumps books there are it's ok for there to be a little difference in the series. It is not different enough to feel "not Goosebumps" but different enough to feel... different.

Of course for a comic one must talk about the art. The art is really good and fitting in my opinion. It is bright, fun and cartoony with just and edge of scare. I admit a few panels are actually kinda freaky to an extent. A lot of it is in the eyes. Scary eyes!

Ultimately I'd recommend Monsters at Midnight. If you have a comic book shop you could check for back issues, or you can just see if your local book store carries the hardcover collection. All else fails, you can always get it online.

As I mentioned there are 2 series so far. The second is called Download and Die which I may cover at some point, but regardless should mention and recommend. It has many of the same strengths as the first one, while providing new characters and story. Currently Download and Die is only available in the individual 3 comic books but I imagine soon it should be out as a hardcover collection as well.

So thanks for reading, I'll be back with one of my more traditional reviews next time. I just really enjoyed these comics and thought I'd write up something to let you all know I give them the thumbs up. So until next time... stay spooky.

Goosebumps Series 2000: #13 Return to HorrorLand

Judging a book by its cover

Well now, that purple pig nosed demon guy's ectoplasm ice cream is melting all over! I hope he has plenty of napkins. It'll take forever to get all that goop out of his hairy knuckles. Anyway yes, we are back into HorrorLand, something I'm excited about. The roller coasters loom menacingly in the red skyed background. How has this place not been shut down by the authorities or sued into oblivion? For that matter, have they closed that pinching loophole from the last book? Oh right, if you want to catch up on where we are at, check out my review of the original One Day at HorrorLand.

I believe this is the first of the "Series 2000" Goosebumps I have read. The cover is familiar but slightly different from the original. Though we have the ooze font, the ooze borders are gone. Maybe the monster filled his cone with them? Where the original series had raised bumps on the title, to simulator actual goosebumps, this one just has raised slimeness. It still is a nice effect. Beyond that the actual illustration itself is raised. It's a nice tactile feel to the books. Overall I like the design. Plus it still has the pun taglines. This book has "Long Time No Scream" for a tagline. Decent punwork but it could have had more to do with amusement parks or the topic at hand. B-. The back of the book guarantees "2000 times the scares" which I find to be a dubious claim. The book is still about 120 pages, so they'd have really work hard to jam pack that many scares into it. It would have to be like, a scare a sentence. you'd go into full fright overload. Fear would become meaningless! Let's hope that doesn't happen.

Getting Goosebumps

Its 6 months after the original trek to HorrorLand which siblings Luke and Lizzy remember none to fondly. At home they are relaxing and watching The Strange Report a TV show in which the co-host couple named the Stranges detail strange happenings in the world. For example on this episode they are talking with Evan about his dealings with Monster Blood. Seems like in Monster Blood II when his hamster got huge someone was filming it. In this era it would end up on Youtube but apparently at the time, the best they could do is The Strange Report.

Full disclosure, I wrote the previous couple paragraphs about 4 months ago. Then because I am a lazy good for nothing asshole I stopped, and didn't think about the book at until now. So I have to refresh myself a bit on what happened to plow through the bulk of this recap and review. Will the quality suffer? Probably! But lets get on with it.

It just so happens as they were watching who should show up but Derek and Margo Strange of The Strange Report. Naturally the kids are a bit taken aback. They joke that they are there to film an alien abduction of the children. In reality they are more interested in the children's dealings with HorrorLand. They have noticed lots of strange things about the Park which seems to move to a new location very often. Which is impressive giving all the large structures, haunted houses, roller coasters, etc, that have to get moved. They want to take the kids back and film it to see what is really going on. Mom is naturally worried, but the promise of 10 thousand dollars shuts her up. Now that's good parenting! They invite their friend Clay who was with them last time as well. He is the most apprehensive, because he is a sane rational human being. Not only is the park crazy, but it's in Florida now so they are likely to be eaten by gators.

After some morbid jokes on the trip there they finally approach. Rational Clay is worried. Idiot Luke thinks it is going to be awesome. The Stranges continue to be strange. The park, it seems, is under new management. Could this be a good thing? Almost certainly not. After getting some typical tourist disguises on and readying their camera, they are ready to park.

Inside the park, the camera immediately gets smashed by a grumpy Horror employee who is enforcing their no camera policy. That seems like a trip to small claims court to me Horror. Luckily the Stranges have a "Mini Super 8." Now if any young kids are reading this, 1) Go away, this page is for adults. I say bad words. 2) Cell phone cameras didn't exist. They used to use this thing called "film" to record video. It is bulky and crappy though hip people will claim it's superior, kinda like they say vinyl is better than digital, but they are wrong.

Their first stop is to get some chicken fingers to eat. Turns out, however, they are just fingers. They also notice a lack of "no pinching" signs. (Pinching was the brilliant way to defeat the Horrors of the previous book because RL Stine is the greatest author of all time.) They decide to enter a pyramid known as The Mummy Walk. It's full of snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes? Luke almost gets bitten and then is shocked they are real because he is stupid. Like even stupid by kids standards, because kids tend to be stupid.

Then a voice came from one of the "ancient mummy cases." I believe the word you are looking for their Mr. Stine is "sarcophagus." All of them seem to have mummy voices inside. Except one empty one. Luke dares Lizzy to get inside. She says no because she is smart. Luke does it himself, because let me repeat myself, he is an idiot. The lid comes crashing down. The Stranges are gone. Lizzy and Clay scramble to save the idiot. Park employees are no help, so the kids use some chains and a pulley to pull off the lid. Luke is gone. While frantically trying to figure out what to do, they stumble upon Luke who escaped via trapdoor. He had been waiting outside the pyramid the whole time.

The next attraction they go to is a dentist office. Not joking. It is a monster dental office. It's full of kids screaming about the horrible things the dentists are doing to them. Drilling their tongues, breaking their teeth. Though it is horribly out of place in an amusement park, it's genuinely a little unsettling since many people have a fear of the dentist. Lizzy gets pulled into a chair and a pig snouted monster dentists gets to work on her. In a panic she punches him and realizes he is made of wood. One of those new fangled wooden robots. In a panic she twists his snout which conveniently happens to be the shut off for them. She frees Clay and Luke. Luke, naturally pretends like he knew they were robots the whole time. Meanwhile the Stranges are bummed that they are robots. Because apparently evil dental robots doesn't make for good TV.

After a stop to check out some caramel covered shrunken heads they lose track of the Stranges again. What responsible adults. While searching for them the kids get apprehended by some Horrors that catch them in a net. Clearly the most efficient way to catch children. The Horrors take them all to the master of the Dungeon of No Return. Sounds charming. It's full of lovely stuff like torture racks and thumbscrews. Fun for the whole family. The plan for these children however, is to be fed to ferrets. Which lets be honest, is not the most frightening creature. I mean sure they are fierce for their size and probably have pointy teeth. But kids don't stay up at night afraid that ferrets are going to come eat them. Maybe Stine was just sick of using rats and couldn't think of any scarier small mammal? There are probably way scarier animals he could have used though. A wolverine? That think will fuck up your shit. And I'm not talking about Hugh Jackman.

Well they accidentally press a button that spun the wall around leading them to relative safely, because every good torture dungeon must have an easy way to escape. They see a sign for Amaz-O the magician who I think comes from the Goosebumps book Bad Hare Day but I haven't reread that one yet so I can't totally confirm that. Lizzy ends up being his assistant for a trick involving a tiger. Now THERE is an animal to be afraid of. I wonder how many ferrets a tiger could eat? Anyway, of course something goes wrong. The tigers are gone, but Lizzy is in the cage. Everyone is leaving and she is locked inside. Oh wait, no she's not the cage is open. You'd think she'd check first before she fears for her life.

So everyone is gone and Lizzy goes looking for them. She ends up finding the Stranges being kicked out of the park. They want to toss Lizzy out too but she run away only to find Luke and Clay chained up at Vulture Beach. Naturally vultures were attacking them, but Lizzy finds their one weakness: sand being thrown at them. The boys slide out of their chains by the ancient art of "not balling their hands up into fists." It's like that episode of the Simpsons where homer gets his hand stuck in a vending machine because he won't let go of the pop.

Now trying to outrun all the Horrors of the park, the kids get the genius idea of theft. They steal Horror costumes from the gift shop. It works, somehow. They convince the Horrors at the front of the park that they are there to relieve them and manage to escape the park. There are like 20 pages left in this book though so they are about to do something really stupid. They find the Stranges who instead of helping them escape, bring them back to the park. The Horrors pay off the Stranges. This is all a super convoluted plan. Last summer the kids all saw too much and were ready to tell everyone about it on TV. Thus they must be dealt with. The plan for them is "The Final Jump" a park ride which consists of visitors apparently committing suicide by jumping. At the last minute 3 DIFFERENT Horrors come get them because they have different plans for the kids.

RIDICULOUS ENDING TIME. The 3 rescue Horrors are really human beings from a rival TV show called The Weird Copy. Turns out while the Stranges were pretending to film the kids the Weird Copy people were actually filming them and the Stranges to expose them all. Now the park will be shut down and the Stranges arrested. They just need to shoot a few more scenes... AT TERRORVILLE.

The end.

What I Thought

I have long maintained that out of all the Goosebumps books HorrorLand has the most potential. Think of all the amusement park rides and attractions there are and think about all the ways you can turn them scary. The problem is, sometimes instead of making a genuine scary attraction RL Stine is like, "hey you know a the scariest part of a theme park? Yeah, the dentists office..." And it doesn't really make sense. Maybe the dental scene would have worked better if it was behind the scenes and they were part of the Horrors' health plan? Am I thinking about this too much for a kids book? Probably.

So, they could have either brought the same kids back or had all new kids visiting HorrorLand. Since they chose the prior, I think having a TV show trying to expose them was a clever idea. I just wish they would have played with the concept that the kids had already been there once more. Like, they mention that they don't see any no pinching signs, but it would have been more interesting if the kids got in to trouble and tried to pinch a horror only to have it not work. (Despite this suggestion I maintain that the whole pinching aspect of the first book was stupid.) This, however, might rely too much on kids having knowledge of the previous book. It could have been fun though. Like they go in with all these notions that they know what is going to happen, but it is all different this time, to their shock.

Here is the thing about this book, and a lot of Goosebumps in general. It's too convoluted if you stop and really think of it. So the Stranges are paid off to deliver the kids to the Horrors. Why do they bother to take them around the park and stage the whole thing? Why not just lock them in the car, pull up the park, hand them over, and drive away. The whole aspect of them actually being in the park makes no sense if they've been paid off. So maybe it wasn't their plan to sell out the whole time, wouldn't the allure of exposing real live actual monsters in a sinister park make them far more money on TV then anything the Horrors can pay them off with? But the way it was written makes it sound like they were in cahoots with the Horrors the whole time, which makes a whole lot of their actions make absolutely no sense.

So, I would like to pitch a different ending. So they get out of the park, escaping just in the nick of time, afraid for their lives. But they got it, they got the footage. The Stranges are psyched that their TV show is going to expose this horror show for what it is. Then Dereck realizes... he forgot to take the lens off the camera! Where can I put in my application to be the new RL Stine?

Ultimately, while I think this book had an interesting premise, and I like the setting of HorrorLand I don't think it lived up to the first book. There were some interesting attractions that were mentioned, and the food stuffs were funny. However, the actual attractions they visit were a bit meh, and the plot gets too convoluted. I don't care that I'm a freaking adult and that kids don't think about this stuff. Even a kids book should hold up to a little scrutiny.

Rating: 2 Beach Vultures out of 5

Up Next!

I don't really know. It's been so long since I have done one of these and I'm sorry. I'm probably going to go back to the original series. So there is a good chance the next book I'll cover is The Barking Ghost. Who doesn't love a spooky puppy? As always thanks for reading, and I'll really really try to get the next one out in less than 5 months.

HorrorLand #16 Special Edition: Weirdo Halloween

Judging a Book by its Cover

Happy Halloween! As you can see I am celebrating with a Grain Belt and some Goosebumps! Not just any Goosebumps though, Goosebumps HorrorLand Special Edition! HorrorLand was the series of Goosebumps  RL Stine did around 2010ish. The books apparently take part partially in HorrorLand, a book from the original series I've already reviewed here, and partially in a setting outside HorrorLand. I always thought HorrorLand was a locale that offered a lot of options for things to happen. I think it's kind of cool he made a whole series off of it. This is going to be the first "new" Goosebumps book I've ever read. I was about 8 when the original series started coming out. I was about 25 when this series came out, so it's a bit out of my age range. While the original idea of this blog was to revisit books I read in my youth, I thought it might be interesting to see where the series went after I left it. When I saw this book at the thrift store in October, I knew this was the perfect opportunity.

Anyway, it looks like Stine left behind the 2 tone ooze design of the original series. It still looks familiar though. You got the drippy lettering and raised letters. The letters don't have bumps anymore though, which is a bit of a let down. The illustration itself is not unlike those of the originals. It's bright and cartoony. This one looks more fun than creepy. Almost a little cute. That pudgy little alien likes his candy, d'awww! Those are some pretty big gaps between his teeth. I doubt he even needs to floss! There are no taglines on this book, which may be for the best. Those could get pretty hit or miss.On the back, however is a lizard gypsy lady. I am not sure if she is related to this book or is just some sort of generic HorrorLand series character. Is she actually a gypsy or is she just a lizard dressing up like one for Halloween? Lets find out!

Getting Goosebumps

Part One: Yes this book appears to be in parts. As it's a "Special Edition" I believe it is longer. Your standard Goosebumps are a little over 100 pages, while this one is a little over 200.

We begin with siblings Meg and Chris entering HorrorLand. Meg's a year older than Chris and that makes her 12 year old self totally more mature.That maturity doesn't seem to assist in keeping her from being scared by the amusement park's Horrors! Chris takes this opportunity to do some scaring of his own, which is rewarded with a nice pulling of his ears by Meg. It seems an odd form of physical punishment, but apparently it is because he has big Dumbo ears, suitable for pulling. A bit later Chris manages to get in an actual scare by having no face! Just a nice toothless skull. Near the exit, though, Meg spots her real face in tact brother. What was the deal with that faceless kid though? Was it just an employee in a mask? No, claims Madame Doom, a strange gypsy woman who appears from nowhere. It seems that ol' faceless Chris may just be a vision of their future. With this bold proclamations he lures them to her fortune telling hut. Now, naturally it would be wise to assume she is a charlatan but she seems to know Meg's name. Also, she happens to have a doll that looks exactly like her. Wait, is she a psychic or a stalker? That's just weird Madame. Then in a flash Madame Doom is gone. They ask a park employee where she is, and he points in her direction. When they follow that way they see that Madame Doom is indeed there... in the form of a robotic fortune telling machine. It gives them an advertisement for the Chiller House Gift Shop. A crummy advertisement! How lame! Of course, it might be worth checking out...

In the gift shop they spots all sorts of oddities. For starters there is King Kong's diaper ping which is huge as you can imagine. There is also an "eye-bacus" which is an abacus made out of eyeballs, naturally. After browsing a bit the kids meet Johnathon Chiller, the Benjamin Franklin-looking owner of the store. Meg finds a weird froggy looking doll that piques her interest. It is apparently called a Floig, and when you squeeze it, it's eyes pop out. Fun fact, anything's eyes will pop out if you squeeze it hard enough. Meg decides to add this Floig to her doll collection, even though her collection consists of antique dolls. Mr. Chiller sends her on her way without making her pay. He insists she can pay the next time she sees him... Next time, what does he mean by that?

Part Two:

Back at home the kids find out their parents are going on a business trip and leaving them in the capable hands of Penny the elderly, nearly blind, slightly dimension inhibited, frail, former nanny. Luckily they have plenty to keep them occupied while their parents are gone. Friend Kelly is having a day-before-Halloween party. Meg unpacks her Floig and sets about finishing her vampire costume. The next day parents leave and penny shows up talking to a trio of goldfish. She even named one after Meg. Aww.

So the party rolls around. Meg is dressed in a fancy vampire costume where as Chris just threw on some point ears and called himself a Vulcan. On the way out they spot a baby stuck in a bush. Wait, it's not just a baby, it's a baby in an alien costume. Naturally the baby seems to have strange grasp of grammar. For some reason this alien baby followed them to the party and when they got there Kelly's dog came rushing out at him, only to go skittish when it got near. Strange.

Well the party started out pretty good by tween standards (even though Kelly was dressed like a vampire too!) They had pizza, played games, and told the story of the headless ghost! Unfortunately someone ruined the ghost story by throwing a stink bomb through Kelly's window. It was bad enough to cause some kids to hurl! Fortunately they seem to be the responsible bunch and cleaned up the broken glass and tossed cookies.

After the party at home they find out alien baby threw the "aroma message" because "his feeling is lonely." Apparently his name is Bim and he comes from Weirdo Planet. You know I'm starting to think just maybe this little kid is an alien. Meg and Chris aren't convinced though. Chris tries to toss Bim out and the kid weighs practically nothing... then he sudden weighs a thousand pounds. Meg tries to tear off his mask but... it isn't a mask! He is an alien with cookie habits like consuming "living meat" and then vomiting it out thrice before digesting it. Neat party trick. Penny wakes up in the middle of this but is too old and senile to realize Bim is an alien. They try to kick Bim out but he's not having it. He sort of hulks out when his "feeling is unhappy." He grinds Meg's favorite doll to dust. The only way they can calm him is to agree to rub his back. Bim happily fell asleep. Unsure of how to solve the problem of their alien home invasion the kids fall asleep too. In the morning Bim is gone. Hurray, the problem solved itself! Story over! But wait, there are still over 100 pages left...

So Meg decides to see how Kelly is managing after the aroma message fiasco. Turns out today someone decided to drop a slimy rabbit carcass into Kelly's living room. Why, whoever could have done such a thing? Meg decides to ask her nerdy sci-fi friend if he can think of anything. To convince him she is telling the truth she brings him home to discover Bim happily gorging himself on some animal corpse. Yum yum. Bim happily forces Meg to taste his twice vomited squirrel meat. That is a genuinely disturbing notion. Sci-fi friend does the only sensible thing and runs away. Bim eats all of Meg's dolls and she does the only thing she can to calm him down, rub his back. This makes Bim so happy he vows to invite his friends. The kids decide enact a plan to try and lose Bim at a Halloween party so he can't find his way back.

So that night they carry out that plan. Meg dresses as a vampire again but Chris lost his Spock ears so he paints his face green and says he is a frog. Excellent. They take an uncostumed Bim on a convoluted path to a party then ditch him there. When they get back home their friends Kelly and Sci-fi-guy are there to trick or treat. Our main characters want to explain what they have been through but a perturbed Bim is there desiring to know why they ditched him. Needless to say his feeling is not happy. In fact his feeling is ANGRY. In the midst of Bim totally wrecking the shit out of the place Senile Penny comes in and screams at him, calling him an idiot. Not sure idiot would be my first reaction but oh well. It makes him smaller. The rest of the group starts insulting him to ensure that his feeling is small. Guess what happens when his feelings are small? He gets even more pissed off. Oops. Nice try guys. In desperation to keep him from enjoying their living meat they start throwing things at him. When Meg throws her Floig doll at him, something happens. It turns out Floig belongs to Bim and that's why he came there in the first place. Reunited with his doll, his feeling gets homesick and he leaves. But then his 3 friends show up looking for him! oh no!

Part Three

Well the aliens easily part when they find out Bim already left. Whew. Then Meg gets pulled back into HorrorLand. Wait what? My, so I guess they are really going in a different direction for part three. She is back in Chiller House where Mr. Chiller tells her he brought her back for more fun. Halloween, naturally, is the best time to come to HorrorLand. And he has a fun game for her to play. All she has to do is prove that she is Meg. Seems easy, but he doesn't seem to be interested in seeing her ID. Chiller ignores her so she wanders out into the park. Attempts to call her parents and thwarted as Chiller is the on on the line. He tells her not to try and escape. If it were me I'd try and escape anyway.

Anyway, out and about she samples some free Hallowieners and Apple Spider, which is just fun festive pun snacks. A weird girl dressed like a lizard keeps staring at her, and a gorilla costumed boy convinced her to check out The Haunted Pumpkin. Sadly it started on fire. Nevermind, that was just part of the ride! Nevermind the lawsuits that are sure to come from all the people trampled trying to escape. Everyone seems to be staring at Meg. A horror asks her about masks. Sensing it may be a clue she goes to a costume store in the park and gets a Lizard costume from a joking Horror. The same lizard costume as the weird girl who was staring at her.

Then off Meg went to Halloween Town. She found a haunted house there where all sorts of frightening things happened. There were screams, walls closing in, a talking shrunken head, and she can't seem to get out! The door is locked and a ghoul is closing in. When it lunges at her she jumps out of the way and he crashes through the door, creating an exit for her. Outside she spots creepy staring lizard costume twin. Only, she doesn't just have a twin costume, she is Meg's twin! She looks exactly like her, and her name is Meg Oliver too! Then brother Chris shows up and can't seem to tell them apart. So this must be Chiller's game. The real Meg agrees to answer questions to prove she is the real one, only Chris says that all her responses are wrong. What's going on? He doesn't even remember Bim and the Floig!

Real Meg chases Chris and Fake Meg through the park trying to convince Chris. They go to the Halloween Hopper, which breaks down. Then some zombies have a voodoo doll that looks exactly like Meg. Has that Madame Doom been selling her creepy stalker doll? The zombie throws it into a fire, and Meg braves third degree burns to fish it out. Desperately Meg tries to call her parents again, but Chiller answers yet again. Then she realizes she can use her phone to prove who she is! It has all her contacts and information in it! When Meg calls Chiller back to tell her how she had won his game, the other Meg answers. When she hangs up all her phone's info has been cleared.

Things wind up at the world's most dangerous pumpkin pie.Seriously, that is the name of an attraction at the park. They walked in a catwalk over the giant pie and after a scuffle end up falling inside. Sinking deep inside, they struggled to breathe. Drowning in pie, what a tasty way to die. They managed to be brought to safety by a giant pie cutter.

After showering off, determined to settle the Meg despute, they go back to the Chiller house. They decide to answer more question to prove who is real, since that worked so well the first time. Other Meg seems to know all the right answers. In frustration, real Meg tugs on her brother's ears like she did in part one but this time she pulls off his face! He's a robot! Meg wins the game! And Chiller explains that he scans every entrants DNA and has a bunch of super sophisticated robots he keeps as a sort of doll collection because he's lonely. No wonder he has no friends, he is a creepy dude who steals DNA to make robo friends. I wouldn't want to be friends with him. Robot guards came to take the robot imposters away, but of course they take the wrong Meg. Her screams achieve nothing. In an act of quick thinking she grabs King Kong's diaper pin and stabs herself showing that she bleeds. That convinces the guards she's human. Finally, Chiller agrees to send her home. Her real brother and Penny seem glad to see her, but she was only gone for 10 minutes in their mind... After this fiasco Meg just wants to settle down in her room but once there she discovers... another Meg.

The End.

What I Thought

What a trip. Goosebumps haven't changed that much over the years. The book still felt the same as the old ones more or less, but the little things are different. Instead of referring to Nintendo, Ninja Turtles, and X-Men Comics, they refer to iPods, blogs, and Spongebob. The writing style, however, is much the same. The only real difference is that this takes place in parts and is a little longer because it's a special edition.

Now about it taking place in parts. I am not sure how I feel about this. They weren't very related to each other. While I like the idea of revisiting HorrorLand, I kind of just wish he wrote a better longer single story than what is essentially two stories. The only thing that connects them is that Chiller gave Meg the Floig. It caused Bim to come and got rid of him, but it doesn't really matter where she got it from. She could have easily just picked it up at a garage sale in chapter 1.

That being said I did like the part in HorrorLand. Even though there wasn't much of a reason for it to happen it was a fun parade of Halloween creeps. Sure having a look alike and having to prove you're the real one is kind of a cliche, but little kids don't know cliches. This might be the first time kids are introduced to that trope. I may have even enjoyed it a bit more than the Bim part which is the bulk of the book.

Now about the Bim part. Being a little almost cute thing that gets bigger and dangerouser is kind of a trope too, but once again this may be kids first exposure. I like how he kind of hulked out and lost control, but I'm not too sure about his whole "my feeling is____" dialect. His flesh cravings were actually a bit disturbing though. Always bonus points when a Goosebumps can actually unsettle you a bit. Having a senile old caretaker that doesn't understand the realities of their paranormal encounter is a nice touch too.

So in its own way this was actually kind of reliving nostalgia for me. Sure this book wasn't written when I was an adult, but it is essentially the same product I had was a kid, redone for kids of the era. It was interesting to see how now the kids have cell phones and other modern things. It's also good to see that these things don't change the Goosebumps experience too much. This book really put me in the Halloween spirit, so mission accomplished I guess.

Rating: 3 out of 5 pumpkins

Up Next

So the next book up will probably return to your regularly scheduled original series book Monster Blood III. However at the thrift store I found other newer Goosebumps books. I have a couple of Goosebumps 2000 and a few more HorrorLand books. I will undoubtedly work them in at some point. At the very least they will come after I finish my collection of original books.

So I hope you enjoyed this. Happy Halloween1