The Beast

Judging a Book by its Cover

Heyo folks, I'm back after slacking on updates for the summer. I have brought something interesting back with me this time though!

Now, while his blog has focused primarily on Goosebumps books I have from time to time featured non Goosebumps books. So far these "other" books have been from other authors, such as Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz. Well it has come time to go the other way and feature a book by RL Stine that is NOT a Goosebumps book. Now though Goosebumps was one of his big hits, RL Stine has been known for several different series. Fear Street is a big one, aimed at slightly older readers than Goosebumps. He has also done series like Mostly Ghostly, Rotten School, and even several joke books under the name "Jovial Bob Stine."

This book, however is not part of any series! (Well except that it has it's own sequel.) It's called The Beast, and it's own thing. Perhaps it is aimed at the Fear Street audience though. The font for his name on the cover is the same as the Fear Street books at the time. Also Fear Street books are advertised in the back of the book.

So what will this mysterious stand alone book be like? Perhaps it's just a Goosebumps book in disguise? Maybe it's something absolutely completely different? Maybe he just had a story that didn't fit in with any of his existing franchises? Well we'll see I suppose.

Now let's talk about the cover art. It was done by Tim Jacobus who did almost all the original covers for the first run of Goosebumps. The illustration doesn't feel that much like his Goosebumps art though. A little bit less cartoony and bright. I wouldn't exactly call it scary though, more like... Confusing.

The titular beast seems to in fact be a roller coaster. If the illustration is accurate, the spooky character in this book may not be a beast at all, but a ghost. "Is the roller coaster really haunted?" The cover asks? Well... I'm not sure what's so scary about a haunted roller coaster. I suppose there are some hijinks a ghost could get into. Messing with the safety systems perhap? Pull the brake at odd times? The ghost itself is a bearded man that reminds me a bit of depictions of a neanderthal man. He is beastly in his own way I guess.

Now I fear I have been yammering on too long about the cover. It's been awhile since I've written one of these. I think I am out of practice. Let's just read the damn book.

Getting Beastly

We begin appropriately enough of the roller coaster called The Beast. Young teens named James and his cousin Ashley are having an invigorating ride in the amusement park.  They are at Paramount's King Island. I had to google this, to see if it's a real place. It is (though no longer owned by Paramount) and The Beast is in fact a real and very popular coaster. Not being a roller coaster aficionado like young James here, I had no idea!

By chapter two while waiting in line for the very last Beast ride of the night, we find out that rollercoaster is in fact... HAUNTED. It seems every night a ghost rides the coaster after hours. I gotta say that isn't very scary by haunting standards but it seems like a lot of fun for the ghost.

The ride ends. The park closes. James can't find Ashley. Did the ghost get her? This is page 17 so I'm going tos ay no. My intuition is right and the cousins do find each other. Each blames the other for being the one who got lost. Both are a bit unsettled to be in the vacant park late at night. It only gets worse when they realize they're locked in. Since this is the 90s instead of pulling out their cell phones they start to search for a pay phone. Then it dawns on them, what could be more fun than having an amusement park to yourself all night? Unless of course... it's haunted.

Thus there is a bet. 10 dollars goes to Ashley if there is indeed a ghost that rides The Beast. After a brief run in with security and clumsiness by both kids they are there to witness the ghost for themselves. Surprisingly, the cars are running down the track. Could a ghost be aboard.

They notice a strange man in overalls at the controls. Could he be the ghost? If he is, he is pretty solid. He talks to the kids and tells them his name is P.D. Walters. Do ghosts introduce themselves? Whether or not he is a ghost, he is pretty strange. He says he's been coming to the park for 60 years. That's longer than King Island has existed! Apparently before the current park, there was one named Firelight Park, named for all the torchest that lit it. It was a beautiful place before a tornado came and caused a fire. June of 1931, hundreds of park goers lost their lives in the tragedy.

After that somber story, P.D. wants to cheer them up with a ride on The Beast. Who could say no? Not these kids, that's for sure. And who wouldn't be cheered up by a foggy night time rollercoaster ride while chased by security guards?

Off the ride, things have taken an odd turn. Everything is different. There are no guards, no P.D., and there is music and children even though it is after hours. It doesn't even seem to be the same park anymore. Everything looks... Old. Like, I bet if this was an episode of a TV show this part would be in black and white. I have the distinct feeling that at any moment someone will say "23 skidoo!"

In fact they do use old timey speech. They also are disturbed by the kids' attire. The past isn't so bad though, ice cream cones are only 2 cents a piece! Plus there is a barber shop quartet. Eventually a park guard they consults ends up getting angry that Ashley is in her "undergarments." Apparently they don't have shorts and shirts in the past. Time to flee! A brief delay in the freak sideshow and it is off again to lose the fuzz.

Thankfully, the guard gets distracted by a missing baby the teens bump into a helpful boy named Paul. He leads them to a pile of used clothing, donated due to the great depression. Hey is this book EDUCATIONAL? On the search to find P.D., they treat helpful Paul some hotdog, since they only cost 3 cents. Plus some rides wouldn't hurt while they search for P.D. right?

But amidst all the fun they find a newspaper with the date on it. The date it is awfully familiar... It is indeed the date where a tornado causes the park to burn down. Sadly, a couple of kids find it awfully hard to convince park guards that they are from the future so they know there is going to be a tornado. Whilst arguing with some workers at the main office they make a startling discover: young Paul is none other than P.D Walters, the man they have been looking for this whole time! Unfortunately for them all, Paul. D. Walters doesn't know how to send them to the future nor has he ever heard of The Beast.

The wind kicks up. The kids frantically try to convince everyone of their impending doom. No dice. Paulie D escorts them out through a secret way he uses to sneak into the park. Miraculous standing outside is none other than The Beast, roller coaster cars at the ready. The two cousins enter, but P.D. doesn't make it. Some guards leap into the seats, and their last exciting coaster ride begins.

At the end, the kids seem no worse for wear, but the guards have turned to skeletons. They are back in their own time. They figure the guards have aged to death.... which really doesn't make any sense but let's forget that for now. P.D. is nowhere to be seen. Modern guards at the park of the present catch them and begin to usher them out of the park, arranging for their parents to get them Strangely though, they have never heard of P.D. No one by his description has ever worked at the park.

Before leaving they notice a plaque. It honors the victims of the tragedy in 1931. The very last name on the list of those that died is P.D. Walters...

Their parents drive up to get them. Quietly they leave the park.

My Thoughts

I am increasingly at a loss at what to say when I review these books. They all sort of start to blend together and feel the same. But what about this one, it's not a Goosebumps book after all? So I guess I can start with a comparison of this to a Goosebumps book.

Is it just another Goosebumps book in disguise? Well... kind of. It is about the same length as a Goosebumps book. It follows the same basic format. Short chapters, lots of "cliffhanger" scares to get you hooked. Young teens getting into trouble. Certainly if this book was titled Goosebumps #63: The Beast it would not feel terribly out of place. That being said, it did feel ever so slightly different. I would say it was a little less goofy. There are less ridiculous leaps of logic. Though there were some plot twists they didn't feel as if they were trying so hard to come out of left field so much. They made more sense.

There are a couple of specific books I'd like to compare it to. The first would be the HorrorLand books, for the obvious reason that these both take place in an amusement park. This one differs for a few reasons. Firstly, HorrorLand is supposed to be scary. It's a little bit like going to a haunted house and then finding out it is ACTUALLY haunted. The park The Beast takes place in is just a regular old amusement park. The fact that it ends up being scary is more surprising in that way I guess. Also, for that matter, the park in The Beast is a real life park. I have never been to Kings Island park but I bet for kids that have ridden the actual roller coaster this is about it would be an extra little bit of enjoyment. I had to google to find out if the park they travel back in time to is real as well. Sadly it is not.

But that brings me to the next book I'd like to compare this to: A Night in Terror Tower. The reason for this one of course is the aspect of time travel. I think it's handled better and more interestingly in this book. Night in Terror Tower was more of a mythical ancient setting with sorcerers. The details didn't pop as much. In the Firelight Park featured here, we get a more real feeling of the times. It takes place during real historical events (The Depression) and features a relatively accurate depiction of an amusement park of the era. The lingo they use is a little silly but it's probably relatively close to legit.

Can I judge this book without comparing it to its Goosebumps brethren? Well it is a pretty fun book for kids. It's interesting in that you don't necessarily know what to expect from it just from the cover and title. It doesn't aim to go all out crazy to surprise you though. I think it would get the interest from any kid who loves roller coasters and maybe sucker them in to learning a little bit about history. Not that this is a history lesson or anything, but it brings up some topics kids of the era could have asked their grandparents about. I wouldn't all this the scariest book your kids could ask for, but I think its thrilling in its own way. Sure the ghost doesn't want to eat their souls, or murder their parents, but it does give them a bone chilling glimpse of a disaster of the past. Events they are doomed to be unable to alter. There is a little chill you get when you realize P.D. has been dead all these years and they were powerless to stop it. They were just lucky to escape with their lives.

I rank this book pretty favorably. I mean, it's no timeless masterpiece by any stretch. But in the endless slew of R.L. Stine books he has churned out, I would rank it pretty highly. I think perhaps because it wasn't put in one of his known series like Goosebumps or Fear Street that it may have been overlooked by some. I certainly didn't know it existed until my friend sent me a copy she found at a thrift store. I say if you're a fan of Goosebumps or children's horror, give it a go. It holds up pretty decently.

Rating: 4 fire tornadoes 5

Up Next

What do I have in store for my next review? Well frankly I am not 100% certain. What I do know is it won't be quite as delayed. Next month is Halloween and I will definitely have SOMETHING for Halloween. I'm just not sure what that is yet. I definitely have a lot of options. A lot of it boils down to how motivated I think I can make myself. So... I guess that doesn't necessarily bode well. I'll give it my best though! Until next time, thanks for reading.

Goosebumps Series 2000: #13 Return to HorrorLand

Judging a book by its cover

Well now, that purple pig nosed demon guy's ectoplasm ice cream is melting all over! I hope he has plenty of napkins. It'll take forever to get all that goop out of his hairy knuckles. Anyway yes, we are back into HorrorLand, something I'm excited about. The roller coasters loom menacingly in the red skyed background. How has this place not been shut down by the authorities or sued into oblivion? For that matter, have they closed that pinching loophole from the last book? Oh right, if you want to catch up on where we are at, check out my review of the original One Day at HorrorLand.

I believe this is the first of the "Series 2000" Goosebumps I have read. The cover is familiar but slightly different from the original. Though we have the ooze font, the ooze borders are gone. Maybe the monster filled his cone with them? Where the original series had raised bumps on the title, to simulator actual goosebumps, this one just has raised slimeness. It still is a nice effect. Beyond that the actual illustration itself is raised. It's a nice tactile feel to the books. Overall I like the design. Plus it still has the pun taglines. This book has "Long Time No Scream" for a tagline. Decent punwork but it could have had more to do with amusement parks or the topic at hand. B-. The back of the book guarantees "2000 times the scares" which I find to be a dubious claim. The book is still about 120 pages, so they'd have really work hard to jam pack that many scares into it. It would have to be like, a scare a sentence. you'd go into full fright overload. Fear would become meaningless! Let's hope that doesn't happen.

Getting Goosebumps

Its 6 months after the original trek to HorrorLand which siblings Luke and Lizzy remember none to fondly. At home they are relaxing and watching The Strange Report a TV show in which the co-host couple named the Stranges detail strange happenings in the world. For example on this episode they are talking with Evan about his dealings with Monster Blood. Seems like in Monster Blood II when his hamster got huge someone was filming it. In this era it would end up on Youtube but apparently at the time, the best they could do is The Strange Report.

Full disclosure, I wrote the previous couple paragraphs about 4 months ago. Then because I am a lazy good for nothing asshole I stopped, and didn't think about the book at until now. So I have to refresh myself a bit on what happened to plow through the bulk of this recap and review. Will the quality suffer? Probably! But lets get on with it.

It just so happens as they were watching who should show up but Derek and Margo Strange of The Strange Report. Naturally the kids are a bit taken aback. They joke that they are there to film an alien abduction of the children. In reality they are more interested in the children's dealings with HorrorLand. They have noticed lots of strange things about the Park which seems to move to a new location very often. Which is impressive giving all the large structures, haunted houses, roller coasters, etc, that have to get moved. They want to take the kids back and film it to see what is really going on. Mom is naturally worried, but the promise of 10 thousand dollars shuts her up. Now that's good parenting! They invite their friend Clay who was with them last time as well. He is the most apprehensive, because he is a sane rational human being. Not only is the park crazy, but it's in Florida now so they are likely to be eaten by gators.

After some morbid jokes on the trip there they finally approach. Rational Clay is worried. Idiot Luke thinks it is going to be awesome. The Stranges continue to be strange. The park, it seems, is under new management. Could this be a good thing? Almost certainly not. After getting some typical tourist disguises on and readying their camera, they are ready to park.

Inside the park, the camera immediately gets smashed by a grumpy Horror employee who is enforcing their no camera policy. That seems like a trip to small claims court to me Horror. Luckily the Stranges have a "Mini Super 8." Now if any young kids are reading this, 1) Go away, this page is for adults. I say bad words. 2) Cell phone cameras didn't exist. They used to use this thing called "film" to record video. It is bulky and crappy though hip people will claim it's superior, kinda like they say vinyl is better than digital, but they are wrong.

Their first stop is to get some chicken fingers to eat. Turns out, however, they are just fingers. They also notice a lack of "no pinching" signs. (Pinching was the brilliant way to defeat the Horrors of the previous book because RL Stine is the greatest author of all time.) They decide to enter a pyramid known as The Mummy Walk. It's full of snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes? Luke almost gets bitten and then is shocked they are real because he is stupid. Like even stupid by kids standards, because kids tend to be stupid.

Then a voice came from one of the "ancient mummy cases." I believe the word you are looking for their Mr. Stine is "sarcophagus." All of them seem to have mummy voices inside. Except one empty one. Luke dares Lizzy to get inside. She says no because she is smart. Luke does it himself, because let me repeat myself, he is an idiot. The lid comes crashing down. The Stranges are gone. Lizzy and Clay scramble to save the idiot. Park employees are no help, so the kids use some chains and a pulley to pull off the lid. Luke is gone. While frantically trying to figure out what to do, they stumble upon Luke who escaped via trapdoor. He had been waiting outside the pyramid the whole time.

The next attraction they go to is a dentist office. Not joking. It is a monster dental office. It's full of kids screaming about the horrible things the dentists are doing to them. Drilling their tongues, breaking their teeth. Though it is horribly out of place in an amusement park, it's genuinely a little unsettling since many people have a fear of the dentist. Lizzy gets pulled into a chair and a pig snouted monster dentists gets to work on her. In a panic she punches him and realizes he is made of wood. One of those new fangled wooden robots. In a panic she twists his snout which conveniently happens to be the shut off for them. She frees Clay and Luke. Luke, naturally pretends like he knew they were robots the whole time. Meanwhile the Stranges are bummed that they are robots. Because apparently evil dental robots doesn't make for good TV.

After a stop to check out some caramel covered shrunken heads they lose track of the Stranges again. What responsible adults. While searching for them the kids get apprehended by some Horrors that catch them in a net. Clearly the most efficient way to catch children. The Horrors take them all to the master of the Dungeon of No Return. Sounds charming. It's full of lovely stuff like torture racks and thumbscrews. Fun for the whole family. The plan for these children however, is to be fed to ferrets. Which lets be honest, is not the most frightening creature. I mean sure they are fierce for their size and probably have pointy teeth. But kids don't stay up at night afraid that ferrets are going to come eat them. Maybe Stine was just sick of using rats and couldn't think of any scarier small mammal? There are probably way scarier animals he could have used though. A wolverine? That think will fuck up your shit. And I'm not talking about Hugh Jackman.

Well they accidentally press a button that spun the wall around leading them to relative safely, because every good torture dungeon must have an easy way to escape. They see a sign for Amaz-O the magician who I think comes from the Goosebumps book Bad Hare Day but I haven't reread that one yet so I can't totally confirm that. Lizzy ends up being his assistant for a trick involving a tiger. Now THERE is an animal to be afraid of. I wonder how many ferrets a tiger could eat? Anyway, of course something goes wrong. The tigers are gone, but Lizzy is in the cage. Everyone is leaving and she is locked inside. Oh wait, no she's not the cage is open. You'd think she'd check first before she fears for her life.

So everyone is gone and Lizzy goes looking for them. She ends up finding the Stranges being kicked out of the park. They want to toss Lizzy out too but she run away only to find Luke and Clay chained up at Vulture Beach. Naturally vultures were attacking them, but Lizzy finds their one weakness: sand being thrown at them. The boys slide out of their chains by the ancient art of "not balling their hands up into fists." It's like that episode of the Simpsons where homer gets his hand stuck in a vending machine because he won't let go of the pop.

Now trying to outrun all the Horrors of the park, the kids get the genius idea of theft. They steal Horror costumes from the gift shop. It works, somehow. They convince the Horrors at the front of the park that they are there to relieve them and manage to escape the park. There are like 20 pages left in this book though so they are about to do something really stupid. They find the Stranges who instead of helping them escape, bring them back to the park. The Horrors pay off the Stranges. This is all a super convoluted plan. Last summer the kids all saw too much and were ready to tell everyone about it on TV. Thus they must be dealt with. The plan for them is "The Final Jump" a park ride which consists of visitors apparently committing suicide by jumping. At the last minute 3 DIFFERENT Horrors come get them because they have different plans for the kids.

RIDICULOUS ENDING TIME. The 3 rescue Horrors are really human beings from a rival TV show called The Weird Copy. Turns out while the Stranges were pretending to film the kids the Weird Copy people were actually filming them and the Stranges to expose them all. Now the park will be shut down and the Stranges arrested. They just need to shoot a few more scenes... AT TERRORVILLE.

The end.

What I Thought

I have long maintained that out of all the Goosebumps books HorrorLand has the most potential. Think of all the amusement park rides and attractions there are and think about all the ways you can turn them scary. The problem is, sometimes instead of making a genuine scary attraction RL Stine is like, "hey you know a the scariest part of a theme park? Yeah, the dentists office..." And it doesn't really make sense. Maybe the dental scene would have worked better if it was behind the scenes and they were part of the Horrors' health plan? Am I thinking about this too much for a kids book? Probably.

So, they could have either brought the same kids back or had all new kids visiting HorrorLand. Since they chose the prior, I think having a TV show trying to expose them was a clever idea. I just wish they would have played with the concept that the kids had already been there once more. Like, they mention that they don't see any no pinching signs, but it would have been more interesting if the kids got in to trouble and tried to pinch a horror only to have it not work. (Despite this suggestion I maintain that the whole pinching aspect of the first book was stupid.) This, however, might rely too much on kids having knowledge of the previous book. It could have been fun though. Like they go in with all these notions that they know what is going to happen, but it is all different this time, to their shock.

Here is the thing about this book, and a lot of Goosebumps in general. It's too convoluted if you stop and really think of it. So the Stranges are paid off to deliver the kids to the Horrors. Why do they bother to take them around the park and stage the whole thing? Why not just lock them in the car, pull up the park, hand them over, and drive away. The whole aspect of them actually being in the park makes no sense if they've been paid off. So maybe it wasn't their plan to sell out the whole time, wouldn't the allure of exposing real live actual monsters in a sinister park make them far more money on TV then anything the Horrors can pay them off with? But the way it was written makes it sound like they were in cahoots with the Horrors the whole time, which makes a whole lot of their actions make absolutely no sense.

So, I would like to pitch a different ending. So they get out of the park, escaping just in the nick of time, afraid for their lives. But they got it, they got the footage. The Stranges are psyched that their TV show is going to expose this horror show for what it is. Then Dereck realizes... he forgot to take the lens off the camera! Where can I put in my application to be the new RL Stine?

Ultimately, while I think this book had an interesting premise, and I like the setting of HorrorLand I don't think it lived up to the first book. There were some interesting attractions that were mentioned, and the food stuffs were funny. However, the actual attractions they visit were a bit meh, and the plot gets too convoluted. I don't care that I'm a freaking adult and that kids don't think about this stuff. Even a kids book should hold up to a little scrutiny.

Rating: 2 Beach Vultures out of 5

Up Next!

I don't really know. It's been so long since I have done one of these and I'm sorry. I'm probably going to go back to the original series. So there is a good chance the next book I'll cover is The Barking Ghost. Who doesn't love a spooky puppy? As always thanks for reading, and I'll really really try to get the next one out in less than 5 months.

HorrorLand #16 Special Edition: Weirdo Halloween

Judging a Book by its Cover

Happy Halloween! As you can see I am celebrating with a Grain Belt and some Goosebumps! Not just any Goosebumps though, Goosebumps HorrorLand Special Edition! HorrorLand was the series of Goosebumps  RL Stine did around 2010ish. The books apparently take part partially in HorrorLand, a book from the original series I've already reviewed here, and partially in a setting outside HorrorLand. I always thought HorrorLand was a locale that offered a lot of options for things to happen. I think it's kind of cool he made a whole series off of it. This is going to be the first "new" Goosebumps book I've ever read. I was about 8 when the original series started coming out. I was about 25 when this series came out, so it's a bit out of my age range. While the original idea of this blog was to revisit books I read in my youth, I thought it might be interesting to see where the series went after I left it. When I saw this book at the thrift store in October, I knew this was the perfect opportunity.

Anyway, it looks like Stine left behind the 2 tone ooze design of the original series. It still looks familiar though. You got the drippy lettering and raised letters. The letters don't have bumps anymore though, which is a bit of a let down. The illustration itself is not unlike those of the originals. It's bright and cartoony. This one looks more fun than creepy. Almost a little cute. That pudgy little alien likes his candy, d'awww! Those are some pretty big gaps between his teeth. I doubt he even needs to floss! There are no taglines on this book, which may be for the best. Those could get pretty hit or miss.On the back, however is a lizard gypsy lady. I am not sure if she is related to this book or is just some sort of generic HorrorLand series character. Is she actually a gypsy or is she just a lizard dressing up like one for Halloween? Lets find out!

Getting Goosebumps

Part One: Yes this book appears to be in parts. As it's a "Special Edition" I believe it is longer. Your standard Goosebumps are a little over 100 pages, while this one is a little over 200.

We begin with siblings Meg and Chris entering HorrorLand. Meg's a year older than Chris and that makes her 12 year old self totally more mature.That maturity doesn't seem to assist in keeping her from being scared by the amusement park's Horrors! Chris takes this opportunity to do some scaring of his own, which is rewarded with a nice pulling of his ears by Meg. It seems an odd form of physical punishment, but apparently it is because he has big Dumbo ears, suitable for pulling. A bit later Chris manages to get in an actual scare by having no face! Just a nice toothless skull. Near the exit, though, Meg spots her real face in tact brother. What was the deal with that faceless kid though? Was it just an employee in a mask? No, claims Madame Doom, a strange gypsy woman who appears from nowhere. It seems that ol' faceless Chris may just be a vision of their future. With this bold proclamations he lures them to her fortune telling hut. Now, naturally it would be wise to assume she is a charlatan but she seems to know Meg's name. Also, she happens to have a doll that looks exactly like her. Wait, is she a psychic or a stalker? That's just weird Madame. Then in a flash Madame Doom is gone. They ask a park employee where she is, and he points in her direction. When they follow that way they see that Madame Doom is indeed there... in the form of a robotic fortune telling machine. It gives them an advertisement for the Chiller House Gift Shop. A crummy advertisement! How lame! Of course, it might be worth checking out...

In the gift shop they spots all sorts of oddities. For starters there is King Kong's diaper ping which is huge as you can imagine. There is also an "eye-bacus" which is an abacus made out of eyeballs, naturally. After browsing a bit the kids meet Johnathon Chiller, the Benjamin Franklin-looking owner of the store. Meg finds a weird froggy looking doll that piques her interest. It is apparently called a Floig, and when you squeeze it, it's eyes pop out. Fun fact, anything's eyes will pop out if you squeeze it hard enough. Meg decides to add this Floig to her doll collection, even though her collection consists of antique dolls. Mr. Chiller sends her on her way without making her pay. He insists she can pay the next time she sees him... Next time, what does he mean by that?

Part Two:

Back at home the kids find out their parents are going on a business trip and leaving them in the capable hands of Penny the elderly, nearly blind, slightly dimension inhibited, frail, former nanny. Luckily they have plenty to keep them occupied while their parents are gone. Friend Kelly is having a day-before-Halloween party. Meg unpacks her Floig and sets about finishing her vampire costume. The next day parents leave and penny shows up talking to a trio of goldfish. She even named one after Meg. Aww.

So the party rolls around. Meg is dressed in a fancy vampire costume where as Chris just threw on some point ears and called himself a Vulcan. On the way out they spot a baby stuck in a bush. Wait, it's not just a baby, it's a baby in an alien costume. Naturally the baby seems to have strange grasp of grammar. For some reason this alien baby followed them to the party and when they got there Kelly's dog came rushing out at him, only to go skittish when it got near. Strange.

Well the party started out pretty good by tween standards (even though Kelly was dressed like a vampire too!) They had pizza, played games, and told the story of the headless ghost! Unfortunately someone ruined the ghost story by throwing a stink bomb through Kelly's window. It was bad enough to cause some kids to hurl! Fortunately they seem to be the responsible bunch and cleaned up the broken glass and tossed cookies.

After the party at home they find out alien baby threw the "aroma message" because "his feeling is lonely." Apparently his name is Bim and he comes from Weirdo Planet. You know I'm starting to think just maybe this little kid is an alien. Meg and Chris aren't convinced though. Chris tries to toss Bim out and the kid weighs practically nothing... then he sudden weighs a thousand pounds. Meg tries to tear off his mask but... it isn't a mask! He is an alien with cookie habits like consuming "living meat" and then vomiting it out thrice before digesting it. Neat party trick. Penny wakes up in the middle of this but is too old and senile to realize Bim is an alien. They try to kick Bim out but he's not having it. He sort of hulks out when his "feeling is unhappy." He grinds Meg's favorite doll to dust. The only way they can calm him is to agree to rub his back. Bim happily fell asleep. Unsure of how to solve the problem of their alien home invasion the kids fall asleep too. In the morning Bim is gone. Hurray, the problem solved itself! Story over! But wait, there are still over 100 pages left...

So Meg decides to see how Kelly is managing after the aroma message fiasco. Turns out today someone decided to drop a slimy rabbit carcass into Kelly's living room. Why, whoever could have done such a thing? Meg decides to ask her nerdy sci-fi friend if he can think of anything. To convince him she is telling the truth she brings him home to discover Bim happily gorging himself on some animal corpse. Yum yum. Bim happily forces Meg to taste his twice vomited squirrel meat. That is a genuinely disturbing notion. Sci-fi friend does the only sensible thing and runs away. Bim eats all of Meg's dolls and she does the only thing she can to calm him down, rub his back. This makes Bim so happy he vows to invite his friends. The kids decide enact a plan to try and lose Bim at a Halloween party so he can't find his way back.

So that night they carry out that plan. Meg dresses as a vampire again but Chris lost his Spock ears so he paints his face green and says he is a frog. Excellent. They take an uncostumed Bim on a convoluted path to a party then ditch him there. When they get back home their friends Kelly and Sci-fi-guy are there to trick or treat. Our main characters want to explain what they have been through but a perturbed Bim is there desiring to know why they ditched him. Needless to say his feeling is not happy. In fact his feeling is ANGRY. In the midst of Bim totally wrecking the shit out of the place Senile Penny comes in and screams at him, calling him an idiot. Not sure idiot would be my first reaction but oh well. It makes him smaller. The rest of the group starts insulting him to ensure that his feeling is small. Guess what happens when his feelings are small? He gets even more pissed off. Oops. Nice try guys. In desperation to keep him from enjoying their living meat they start throwing things at him. When Meg throws her Floig doll at him, something happens. It turns out Floig belongs to Bim and that's why he came there in the first place. Reunited with his doll, his feeling gets homesick and he leaves. But then his 3 friends show up looking for him! oh no!

Part Three

Well the aliens easily part when they find out Bim already left. Whew. Then Meg gets pulled back into HorrorLand. Wait what? My, so I guess they are really going in a different direction for part three. She is back in Chiller House where Mr. Chiller tells her he brought her back for more fun. Halloween, naturally, is the best time to come to HorrorLand. And he has a fun game for her to play. All she has to do is prove that she is Meg. Seems easy, but he doesn't seem to be interested in seeing her ID. Chiller ignores her so she wanders out into the park. Attempts to call her parents and thwarted as Chiller is the on on the line. He tells her not to try and escape. If it were me I'd try and escape anyway.

Anyway, out and about she samples some free Hallowieners and Apple Spider, which is just fun festive pun snacks. A weird girl dressed like a lizard keeps staring at her, and a gorilla costumed boy convinced her to check out The Haunted Pumpkin. Sadly it started on fire. Nevermind, that was just part of the ride! Nevermind the lawsuits that are sure to come from all the people trampled trying to escape. Everyone seems to be staring at Meg. A horror asks her about masks. Sensing it may be a clue she goes to a costume store in the park and gets a Lizard costume from a joking Horror. The same lizard costume as the weird girl who was staring at her.

Then off Meg went to Halloween Town. She found a haunted house there where all sorts of frightening things happened. There were screams, walls closing in, a talking shrunken head, and she can't seem to get out! The door is locked and a ghoul is closing in. When it lunges at her she jumps out of the way and he crashes through the door, creating an exit for her. Outside she spots creepy staring lizard costume twin. Only, she doesn't just have a twin costume, she is Meg's twin! She looks exactly like her, and her name is Meg Oliver too! Then brother Chris shows up and can't seem to tell them apart. So this must be Chiller's game. The real Meg agrees to answer questions to prove she is the real one, only Chris says that all her responses are wrong. What's going on? He doesn't even remember Bim and the Floig!

Real Meg chases Chris and Fake Meg through the park trying to convince Chris. They go to the Halloween Hopper, which breaks down. Then some zombies have a voodoo doll that looks exactly like Meg. Has that Madame Doom been selling her creepy stalker doll? The zombie throws it into a fire, and Meg braves third degree burns to fish it out. Desperately Meg tries to call her parents again, but Chiller answers yet again. Then she realizes she can use her phone to prove who she is! It has all her contacts and information in it! When Meg calls Chiller back to tell her how she had won his game, the other Meg answers. When she hangs up all her phone's info has been cleared.

Things wind up at the world's most dangerous pumpkin pie.Seriously, that is the name of an attraction at the park. They walked in a catwalk over the giant pie and after a scuffle end up falling inside. Sinking deep inside, they struggled to breathe. Drowning in pie, what a tasty way to die. They managed to be brought to safety by a giant pie cutter.

After showering off, determined to settle the Meg despute, they go back to the Chiller house. They decide to answer more question to prove who is real, since that worked so well the first time. Other Meg seems to know all the right answers. In frustration, real Meg tugs on her brother's ears like she did in part one but this time she pulls off his face! He's a robot! Meg wins the game! And Chiller explains that he scans every entrants DNA and has a bunch of super sophisticated robots he keeps as a sort of doll collection because he's lonely. No wonder he has no friends, he is a creepy dude who steals DNA to make robo friends. I wouldn't want to be friends with him. Robot guards came to take the robot imposters away, but of course they take the wrong Meg. Her screams achieve nothing. In an act of quick thinking she grabs King Kong's diaper pin and stabs herself showing that she bleeds. That convinces the guards she's human. Finally, Chiller agrees to send her home. Her real brother and Penny seem glad to see her, but she was only gone for 10 minutes in their mind... After this fiasco Meg just wants to settle down in her room but once there she discovers... another Meg.

The End.

What I Thought

What a trip. Goosebumps haven't changed that much over the years. The book still felt the same as the old ones more or less, but the little things are different. Instead of referring to Nintendo, Ninja Turtles, and X-Men Comics, they refer to iPods, blogs, and Spongebob. The writing style, however, is much the same. The only real difference is that this takes place in parts and is a little longer because it's a special edition.

Now about it taking place in parts. I am not sure how I feel about this. They weren't very related to each other. While I like the idea of revisiting HorrorLand, I kind of just wish he wrote a better longer single story than what is essentially two stories. The only thing that connects them is that Chiller gave Meg the Floig. It caused Bim to come and got rid of him, but it doesn't really matter where she got it from. She could have easily just picked it up at a garage sale in chapter 1.

That being said I did like the part in HorrorLand. Even though there wasn't much of a reason for it to happen it was a fun parade of Halloween creeps. Sure having a look alike and having to prove you're the real one is kind of a cliche, but little kids don't know cliches. This might be the first time kids are introduced to that trope. I may have even enjoyed it a bit more than the Bim part which is the bulk of the book.

Now about the Bim part. Being a little almost cute thing that gets bigger and dangerouser is kind of a trope too, but once again this may be kids first exposure. I like how he kind of hulked out and lost control, but I'm not too sure about his whole "my feeling is____" dialect. His flesh cravings were actually a bit disturbing though. Always bonus points when a Goosebumps can actually unsettle you a bit. Having a senile old caretaker that doesn't understand the realities of their paranormal encounter is a nice touch too.

So in its own way this was actually kind of reliving nostalgia for me. Sure this book wasn't written when I was an adult, but it is essentially the same product I had was a kid, redone for kids of the era. It was interesting to see how now the kids have cell phones and other modern things. It's also good to see that these things don't change the Goosebumps experience too much. This book really put me in the Halloween spirit, so mission accomplished I guess.

Rating: 3 out of 5 pumpkins

Up Next

So the next book up will probably return to your regularly scheduled original series book Monster Blood III. However at the thrift store I found other newer Goosebumps books. I have a couple of Goosebumps 2000 and a few more HorrorLand books. I will undoubtedly work them in at some point. At the very least they will come after I finish my collection of original books.

So I hope you enjoyed this. Happy Halloween1

#16 One Day at Horrorland

Judging a Book by its Cover:

Look at that horny monster clutching the bloody sign. Is it part of the sign? Or is it an actual monster? Who knows! Also, why are dead trees so spooky? I suppose it's like a plant corpse. Imagine if these illustrations were littered with human corpses instead of tree corpses, now that would be scary. Anyway, presumably Horrorland is some fright based amusement park. Aren't ferris wheels terrifying enough already? Jeeze.

Honestly though, I like this cover. It's ominous and foreboding  while in the cartoony style and the color scheme is nice. It's another rare time when the dual colors of the border compliment the drawing. There is a nice bluey-lavender thing going on. I dig it.

The taglines add to the foreboding but don't offer much in the way of bad puns or lame jokes which is a disappointment. The back asserts, "the next ride might be their last..." While the front beckons, "enter if you dare...." Do I dare? You bet your ass I dare!

Getting Goosebumps:

The desert surrounds the Morris family as they cruise around in a little Toyota looking for the Zoo Gardens Theme Park which is apparently 3 things wrapped up into one. If you love zoos, gardens, and theme parks well then this is the place for you. Unfortunately for Lizzy her parents can't seem to find it. And her brother Luke keeps horsing around with his best friend clay doing manly things like pinching declaring "the mad pincher strikes again." None of this would be happening if Dad didn't forget the map! The best they can do now is turn around and try and find some place to ask for directions.

Eventually they get to a not so desert-like area and pull over to see if there is a map in the glove-box. It just so happens they pull next to a sign for Horrorland, that of course causes Lizzy to try to scream but no sound comes out. All the kids push to go there instead of Zoo Gardens. Mom and dad finally relent. They get there and immediately after getting out of the car, it blows up. I honestly did not see that coming. Since this is in a pre-cell phone everywhere society they are at the mercy of the employees of Horrorland, known as "The Horrors." These Horrors assert that everything will be "taken care of" and that they should just enter the park. I know if there is one thing I want to do after I almost die in a fiery explosion it's to go down a wicked sweet roller coaster. Dad is naturally concerned but Mom thinks the kids should wander around this death trap alone while they figure things out. Makes sense!

The kids see lots of The Horrors around. There is a wolf that even looks like a real wolf and growls like them! Also, oddly there are No Pinching signs which is a shame because Luke is a pinching fiend. They go on The Doom Slide. There are several different numbered boards you can take down the slide. They are warned that one of them is the DOOOOOOM SLLIIIIIIDE that will make them slide FOREVER! It's pretty rad and Lizzy comes out at the bottom with her brother, but they realize clay isn't there. He didn't come out the entrance either. They decide he must have gotten the Doom Slide and thus they must take the same one down. It does raise the question, if the slider on the board slides forever how does the board get back to the top. Do they have an unlimited number of boards? Doesn't that get pricey? Well sadly it does have an end but it is much longer and scarier than the standard slide they had before. At the end they do find Clay who is trying to hide his fright. Now they are in an entirely different part of the park.

In this new area one of the Horrors confronts Lizzy and urges her to get out while she can. Normally a plea such as this in a horror park would go unheeded. When your car blew up just 20 minutes ago in the parking lot, maybe you should be concerned. Naturally, the brush it off. They decide to go to the hall of mirrors which even has mirrors on the floors because if you aren't worried about lawsuits from exploding cars why would you worry about lawsuits from skirt wearing patrons? They all get separated and when the unite the realize the are actually in different rooms separated by glass. Suddenly the walls start closing in on them and Lizzy groans "Graaaaarrrrg!" Wait no, that was Chewbacca. Wrong story. They groan and fight but to no avail. Just when the think the are going to be crushed the floor opens up and they fall outside. Luke loves it, but this proves to be too much for Lizzy and Clay who begin wondering if you can in fact die of fright.

Finally it was decided it was time to seek out their parents. Though Luke seemed to be loving it Lizzy and Clay had had enough and the parents were probably looking for them. They walked trough a path with tree snakes, and through a barn with bats that scared the bajeezus out of Lizzy before finally getting back to the area with the Doom Slide. Mom and dad were nowhere to be found. The asked one of the Horrors if he'd seen them and he assured them he did. They left a half an hour ago. The left a message though, "Goodbye." That doesn't raise their moods! They find themselves near an alligator pound when suddenly someone grabs Lizzy to push her in! Wait nevermind, it's just her dad greeting her.

Now that they have their parents it's time to see about heading out. They do want to ride at least one ride before they go, so they go into a coffin canoe ride as it heads towards the entrance. The float about in coffins and it's actually rather relaxing until the lids slam shut! Everyone understandably loses their shit and thrashes about screaming. Eventually the caskets open and they all agree that it was a little too much. It's time to leave. But none of the ticket windows are open. They don't have a car to leave as theirs is freshly exploded. Also the gate out is padlocked shut. Just as they are really worrying all the horrors of the park show up and thank them for being on their hidden game show on Monster TV! But as there are still several chapters left there has got to be more....

The are ushered into a room where an announcer says they have a minute to make it out alive. Monsters of all sorts rush at them. Awful birds, "furry snakes", manbearpigs, and other such horrors. Everyone is terrified, and convinced it is the end until finally the timer winds down and it is revealed that 3 out of 5 of them survived! Correction, 5 out of 5. Then in Mr. Stine's favorite contrivance the floor comes out from under them and they are face to face with the MC Horror. Dad chews her out, and Lizzy tries to rip off her mask. But it's not a mask! The are REAL monsters and Monster TV is real. It's a channel FOR MONSTERS! Oh Shit! The monsters corner them against a purple pond and assure them it is time to leave, and going into that pond is the only way out. If they don't go willingly the will be pushed. Drowning in purple goo isn't perhaps the most menacing threat, but I suppose it gets the job down.

Lizzy however has a last ditch effort in mind. She remembers all those strange no pinching signs so... THE MAD PINCHER STRIKES AGAIN. And it works. I shit you not it works. Pinching these godless abominations DEFLATES them. They pinch all the can and make a run for the exit. But wait, there car is exploded! Time to steal a bus conveniently sitting there with the keys in it. The gun it and make it out of the park, celebrating the whole way home. When they get home the realize there is a horror stuck to the back of the bus. He has their free passes for next year, DUN DUN DUUUNNNN!

The end.

What I Thought:

Lizzy, like almost of Stine's characters is pretty nondescript and generic. Her sibling like almost all the siblings is kind of a jerk. Her parents are generic parents. Now I know these are kids books meant to appeal to a broad range, but it's getting underwhelming experiencing these flat characters over and over again. I am pretty sure it's possible to create a relate-able children's character with some personality. I guess asking for it 60-some books in a row is pushing it...

Still, this Goosebumps entry like the rest does offer some fun. In fact, it may have more interesting situations being that instead of taking place a suburb over several days it all takes place in one afternoon. An afternoon at an amusement park at that! Still he could have gotten a tad more inventive than "Slide of Doom" and "Bat Barn."


As usual though, the topic staring me in the face is the ending. I wonder what 9 year old me would think of this ending. I have to admit, the Monster TV idea is kind of clever. The pinching however? Seriously? Pinching? It makes the Wicked Witch of the West look like a badass by comparison for being thwarted by a hefty bucket of water. And why deflating? Are the monsters full of air? Could you pop them? How do they have mass enough to push the kids around? Could you use them as a floatation device in case of emergency? Am I thinking about this too much? Yes. Still, why pinching? For God's sake, WHY PINCHING?

In conclusion typical depth-less characters, fun romp through exciting spooky amusement situations, and really dumb ending. Also, someone tried to scream but couldn't. Goosebump book achieved.

Raiting: 3 out of 5 spooooooky ferris wheels (with extra spookiness)

Up Next:

Why I'm Afraid of Bees. It is a strong contender for my least favorite Goosebumps cover ever. You'll see. The little I remember is that his neighbor is a bee farmer, and somehow he turns into a bee. Will there be an homage to classic horror movie, and horror movie remake The Fly? I don't know, because I haven't seen either of those movies. Catch ya on the next blog!

Give Yourself Goosebumps #1: Escape From the Carnival of Horrors

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Goosebumps post to bring you a "special" Halloween one. Instead of doing the next book of the regular series I bring you Give Yourself Goosebumps #1: Escape From the Carnival of Horrors. The Give Yourself Goosebumps series were Choose Your Adventure style books.

If you don't know what those are, why are you reading this blog? You grew up in the wrong generation! To explain it simply, at the end of pages, it would give you a choice. If you want to enter the cellar turn to page 8, if you want to go to the attic, turn to page 27. Usually 90% of the endings were bad and involve you never being seen or heard from again. Then there is usually one ok ending where you make it out alive but barely. And usually there is about 1 "good" ending where things turn out just peachy.

This presents a moderate difficulty in writing synopsis and reviews. Do I read all 20-30 endings? No. I am far too lazy, and that doesn't present an interesting narrative. I have decided I am going to read through exactly 3 plots. Whatever happens I will report back to you... But first...

Judging a Book By Its Cover

 

The first thing you'd notice about this book if you actually held it in your hands is that it is SHINY! It's hard to tell from the photo of it, but it has that special stuff that makes it reflect like all cool... I forget what you call it, but it shows different colors at different angles. Nifty.

The second thing you'd notice of course would be the gnarly purple gator breaking out of its cage. Why purple? Is green not scary enough? Is Barney more terrifying than Godzilla? Well... kind of, but for entirely different reasons.

There is no tagline on the front, which is kind of a bummer. The back of the book isn't actually shiny. It is normal Goosebumps style dual color ooze. I suppose since it has the text blurb about the book it couldn't really be sparkly. It does have one tagline on back. "Take a ride if you dare...." Oh, I dare. Lets get to it. Reader Beware, I Choose The Scare!

Getting Goosebumps

Attempt 1:

It's in the first person, and I am the first person. My best friends Patty and Brad have been arguing since the start of summer vacation. We are all bored. Perhaps we should bike over to where they are setting up the carnival! Of course last year they had the Terror Track which wound up being a kid's train. Patty, however, being bossy makes the decision for us. We're going. When we get there it's all locked up. Do we break in or chicken out and Go Home.

GO HOME, PAGE 10: What's wrong with me. If I went home now the narrative that is my life would be over! That's lame. I get no more illusion of choice, I am climbing that damn fence and breaking in. (Yes seriously, this is what the page was like.)

COMMIT BREAKING AND ENTERING, PAGE 6: We hop the fence and though there is still the kiddy train, there is also pretty awesome stuff like a rocket coaster and arcade games. While gawking at a sign for a freak show a man comes up from behind us telling us we aren't supposed to be there. Uh oh! It's Big Al the owner, but instead of kicking us out he wants us to test out the stuff in the park. That doesn't seem suspicious at all! But do I wanna check out the rides or the midway?

STRAIGHT TO THE RIDES, YO!, PAGE 34: On the one hand there is a giant-ass roller coaster with cars that look like shuttles and the tracks go almost up the clouds it seems! That's what Brad and Patty are doing. Of course, behind me there is organ music coming from the Little House of Horrors and I do love me some haunted houses...

TO THE COASTER I SAY! PAGE 26: It's pretty sweet. It goes hella fast, and loops and all kinds of crap. However, it stops dead, and my friends Brad and Patty are gone. Do I sit here and wait for help? or perhaps I should hop out of the car..

I PLAY IT CAUTIOUS AND WAIT FOR HELP, PAGE 92: I wait for 15 minutes then start to feel... strange... like someone is watching me. Then there is rustling and strange smells... I feel sick. I can't move. 2 guys come in and say the perfume worked and haul me off to be a real life display for the park. Next time I'll know better! Or will I? Because there wont be a next time! This is... THE END? (or is it? mwahahaha)

Attempt 2

Once again my friends and I are bored, we go to the carnival and I don't fight the urge to break in this time. Big Al shows up and lets us have free reign. Rides, or Midway?

AWW YEAH, CHECKIN' OUT THE MIDWAY, PAGE 77: There is plenty of cool stuff here, but I'm drawn to the fortune teller. She reads my palms and says there is horror in my future. Sounds bad... Then she tells me to pick a card. Do I go red or blue?

WELL BLUE IS MY FAVORITE COLOR... PAGE 59 (Hah it actually says blue is my favorite color when I turned the page.) The card says the freaks at the freak show are in trouble and I'm their only hope! When I inquire what this is all about the lights go out with a scream and the fortune teller is gone. When I try to grab the card it bursts in to flame. Do I keep going along with this and help the freaks, or do I say screw em?

I CAN'T RESIST HELPING FREAKS, PAGE 11: I race to tell Brad and Patty about my predicament. They're in. We race to the freak show. The door says KEEP OUT, so naturally we bust in. Turns out they are slaves in a prison, and Big Al is the freaks' master and he is just about to show up. Do I stay and give em

him a stern lecture or should we book it down the hall?

I'M NO FOOL, GET OUTTA THERE! PAGE 48: We get outta there, but escape right into a reptile petting zoo. What a messed up idea! Some of the snakes are coming to try and cuddle us. We need to get out of here. Should we go left or right?

RIGHT SEEMS RIGHT, PAGE 12: We book it like mad, but then there is a crashing sound behind us. Then on the sides of us. Then in front of us. We're trapped. It is then that we here a voice welcoming us to the reptile petting zoo. The alligator, it seems, has been lonely. And we are its new pets. THE END (or is it!?)

Attempt 3

Yadda yadda yadda bored, go to carnival. Blah blah blah break in, Big Al. Rides or Midway?

RIDES, PAGE 34: Coaster like before? Or Haunted House?

HAUNTED HOUSE! PAGE 64: So I ditch Brad and Patty and head off to the Little House of Horrors. There is a rickety bridge to get there. It sways and creaks and as a thunder bolt of lightning (very very frightening) goes off I fall. Do I try and grab at the bridge or do I flap my arms like a bird (that is seriously an option.)

I FLAP MY ARMS BECAUSE THAT IS TOO RIDICULOUS TO PASS UP, PAGE 30:

Well I can't think of anything else to do so I flap my arms like a bird. Just then a big gust of air comes up under me and blows me back up onto the bridge. No shit? What are the odds! I go to the haunted house and look back at the void I almost fell into. The bridge is gone. Cool special affects! It's not like I almost died or something. I notice at the Little House of Horrors there is also the Boat Trip to Nowhere. Do I get side tracked to no where or do I stick with the haunted house?

SCREW GOING NOWHERE, ON TO THE HAUNTED HOUSE! PAGE 66: Near the entrance a skeleton taps me on the back and tells me if I go in I'll wind up like him. Awesome! Inside its totally dark. I can't even see my hands. I stumble around... Finally I find myself in a house of mirrors! Do I go left or right?

RIGHT WONT FAIL ME AGAIN, PAGE 29: I go to my right, and get frustrated. Punching the wall seems like a good idea after staring at all these images of me. After I do so the walls start closing in on me. Literally. Right when it seems like I'm about to be crushed the floor falls out from under me and I'm caught in a net to someone declaring that a new player has entered. A short creepy man and some 7 foot tall beastly monsters great me. Apparently he is "Dr. Frank-N-Stone" which has got to be the worst name I've ever heard. I sounds like a Flintstones villain. Anyway, he is the one who created the Carnival of Horrors. Do I kick him and try and escape? Or do I wait for the hulking monsters to leave first.

KICK HIM AND TAKE MY CHANCES, 79: I kick him, but nothing happens! I kick him harder and my foot busts through him... to... metal. He's a robot!? Awesome, I deactivated him but now those creatures are after me.One of them pins me up against the wall and I give its head a shove. The head comes off. It was a robot too! Now one left... but is it also a robot? Or do I think he's a real monster...

ONE OF EM'S GOTTA BE A REAL MONSTER, PAGE 110, Well I was right that it wasn't a robot. It wasn't however, a monster. It's Big Al and he thinks what I've got what it takes to be in the Carnival of Horrors. I however, am not a fan of that idea. He assures me that I can't leave. We go into the next room and people in old timey clothes welcome me to the Carnival of Horrors. It appears in different places each night and tonight it was in my town, and there is no getting out... or is there? Apparently if I can escape before midnight, I'm ok. But it's 11:40 and the floor has started to shake... Suddenly I appear outside with my friends again. I tell them we've gotta be out before midnight. Patty says the exit is by the Hall of the Mountain King. Brad says its by the Halloween express.

ITS HALLOWEEN SO I SAY HALLOWEEN EXPRESS, PAGE 108: We head that away, then hop into some cars and drive off. A skeleton comes out at us and we drive by. Then there are zombies and ghostly figures. We should jump out and run! But am I able to?

I'LL BE HONEST, NO... I CAN'T, PAGE 127: Well it doesn't matter, I crash through the ghost! Take that! But now we have to hide from the Carnival folk. Do we all hide in the cannon, or in the kiddy choo-choo train!

I CHOO CHOO CHOOSE YOU! Page 128 It starts chiming to 12. I however notice the train is called Right Way Railroad. There is only one RIGHT WAY out... Could I be right? We go through a tunnel and once through we see Carnival Workers everywhere... Regular, run of the mill carnival workers. At the same rinky-dink tiny Carnival we have every year. No monsters or zombies anywhere. This carnival just has baby games and lame food stands. It's he greatest carnival ever. Whew.

What I thought

Woohoo I survived! Rarely do I survive these things, and I swear to gosh I didn't even cheat by looking ahead. The choo choo always gets you where you wanna go. Ultimately each of my ventures whether I survived or not was fairly long in terms of these books. I was pleasantly surprised.

Yes, this was far more enjoyable than I remember these things. I recall dying every other page. Maybe I just got lucky and got some longer strains, or maybe perhaps maybe RL Stine did an ok job with this? I guess limiting myself to 3 attempts helped make it more enjoyable. A common ploy of people who read these is to keep a finger on pages with choices so you can go back and do the other if you fail. That's not really that fun, however it does help if your only goal is to see every ending. And if you own it you probably do want to see every ending.

It would have been nice to get a little bit of characterization. I know I was the main character, but it seems like you ditch your friends a lot. They were pretty much irrelevant characters. They were there so I wouldn't be alone... but I was alone most of the time. What's the point?

Ultimately the strength of this book came from the setting. There are a lot of things to do in a Carnival and I got the opportunity to do a lot of them. Roller coasters, haunted houses, fortune tellers. Good stuff. If only I could have had some ghostly food. Perhaps an I SCREAM cone, or uhh... Hell I dunno.

Rating: 3 out of 5 Corn Dogs

Up Next!

Next time we we'll be back to to your regularly schedule classic Goosebumps. I just did this special for Halloween because I only have a few of the Choose your Own Goosebumps series, and I don't know when I should review them. I doubt I'll go out and get them all, so I'll just throw them into the mix every now and again. Hope you enjoyed it. Happy Halloween!